Here is my first attempt at 'blogging'...I am basically just copying my journal from the beginning of my adventure in the Peace Corps. until now....I will get more creative with photos and such, later...
Peace,
David
Saturday, Nov. 3:
I had all intentions of writing in my journal every day from the very beginning, but I’ve found that to be difficult with the time frame and sleep deprivation. Thus, here I am near the end of my first full week with the Peace Corp taking a moment to jot my thoughts. I figure it will be easier this way, than writing in a notebook (though I will probably do that and then transfer my thoughts here).
The first few days of staging that took place in DC were stimulating and at the same time, quite repetitive. We spent a lot of time going over and over information that we already had via the handbooks we received and having our more important questions answered with vague responses. It was a time for some of us to get to know one another and start the bonding process which will continue throughout this journey.
I roomed with Ian while in DC who sleeps like the dead or, in Afrikaans, is TJOEPSTIL (dead quiet) - I on the other hand snore, which really isn’t fair. We have ended up being roommates here at the compound, along with Rashid, Jeff, Eric (who snores louder than anyone I’ve ever heard), and JC - who is a total surfer dude, but speaks 2 languages fluently. I just can’t wait till I adjust to the time difference and can sleep through the night. I think over the past 48 hours I’ve only sleep about 8 and even that was broken up into 2-3 hour intervals. My eyes hurt, that’s all I know.
Speaking of the compound, it looks like any other mission style place where people come to study, meditate or fellowship. This country is 90% Christian/Lutheran and the evidence is all around. Being Buddhist is going to make it very interesting here.
We have had a day of ‘training’, which has answered a few of our more specific questions, but a standard response has been ‘it will depend on your site’. Tomorrow I interview with some reps to discuss where I should be placed. I plan on being fairly specific - I don’t want to live with a host family, I want to be in an urban setting, I don’t want to work for a faith based organization, would rather work for an NGO, blah blah blah… We find out Nov. 16th specifically where we are going.
I had my first experience with a local supermarket today and frankly, was surprised - Oprah magazine and FHM???? It was very western - though I did gravitate toward a bag of poppy seed and garlic flavored Doritos. I experimented with a bottle of litchi juice (I had never even heard of a litchi) and bought a jar of Skippy peanut butter to help supplement protein intake - since I am trying to remain vegetarian while here. It’s very difficult because Namibians LOVE their meat. Now I will say that next Saturday is a holiday called ’Traditional Day’ and they serve donkey (yes, donkey - ass, mule, etc) and I do plan I sampling that just out of total curiosity.
By the way, I forgot to mention that for most of us, ALL pieces of our luggage did NOT arrive in Namibia. Some people didn’t get anything, while others (like me) were left with only 1 of the 2 bags we packed. Thank God I had everything I needed in the one that did arrive. The next night, some more bags arrived, but my roommate Rashid, is still missing one AND there was stuff missing from the bag he did get. Another girl is missing an expensive watch from her suitcase and the stories of thievery are piling up. BEWARE if you travel somewhere and your bags are supposed to make it there before you!
Right now it’s 20:56 (I’m slowly getting used to the whole 24-hour clock thing) or TWINTIG SEIS EN’ FYFTIG UHR in Afrikaans. All that said, it’s 9 pm and I’m going to sign off and go mingle a bit. I promised myself I’d be in bed by 10 each night, even if I am still awake.
Sunday, Nov. 4:
It’s around 5:30 and I just finished a round of Yoga. It was nice to get back in that groove and also very humorous trying to instruct Rashid, who has never done yoga, in some of the poses. Many people gathered around to admire and laugh and now I’m going to try and lead a daily yoga class in the main hall around 8 each night. It’s one of the things I want to incorporate as a secondary project at my site anyways, so this will be good practice.
Today has been nice and relaxing. I had my site interview and my medical interview. The first is to discuss what I am looking for in where I want to live and the second was just to make sure I am feeling okay. I only had a few requests about my site, as I mentioned previously, so I feel fairly confident that I’m going to end up somewhere I feel comfortable. I made sure they were aware that I didn’t want to live in a thatched hut - I thought I was ‘that guy’ but have realized since arriving, that I am not.
Some people went to church (which was 3 hours) but most of us stayed around for our interviews and to chill. I was introduced to ‘hacky-sac’ which is something I think most people have heard of, I had just never done. It was fun and actually, quite a workout. Spent some time reading, took a short nap, ran to the store and to explore the town a bit and bought some chapstick - OH, and I had washed my laundry - something I have to get used to here. Now I realize that I brought WAY too much clothing and why most of the PC volunteers that greeted us at the airport on Friday looked all disheveled.
They gave us a ‘cookbook’ so that we’d have an idea of things we have at our disposable, once we are on our own. I quickly discovered that a substitute for yogurt (if unable to find) is something called ‘dikmilk’. Trust me, Jeff and I have been having a lot of fun with that one - more so Jeff than I, but just the same it’s quite funny how he finds a way to include that reference into just about any conversation. We’ve got an entire ‘priceless/Visa’ commercial thought up in our heads.
Have I mentioned how incredibly DRY it is here. The heat so far hasn’t bothered me much, except for sleeping, but the dryness is ridiculous. I’m drinking like 2 gallons of water a day and wake up with the biggest, crustiest boogers I’ve ever pulled from my nose - yes, it’s gross, but I had this conversation with some girls and they agreed, they are pretty big.
So far I’m lucky with the malaria medication - no hallucinations, fevers, stomach upset and the like. Yesterday we got the first round of our rabies shots (we get 2 more over the next 2 weeks). We will also be getting diphtheria, meningitis, typhoid, Hep A and Hep B shots while here. Yes, I feel like a fucking pin-cushion.
Monday, Nov. 5:
Our first real day of training…oh GOD I am so bored. Their idea of training is to pass out sheets of information to us, then just have us read them aloud. It’s so difficult to stay awake - especially when you factor in the lack of sleep. In addition to that, I’ve had a headache/upset stomach all day which only makes it all that much more pleasant. It also increases the feelings of ‘what am I doing here???’.
There are moments when I think I can get to my site and I will have enough ideas and some experience in order to facilitate something positive…then other times where I feel my total lack of experience in certain areas is going to make me weak. I’m entering a whole new arena for myself. Facilitating workshops? Organizing caregiver lectures and instruction? This is all so NOT in my comfort zone. I think there is a part of me that thought I could just join the PC, get to Africa and do stuff. Build things, paint things, help out, talk to people, lend a hand…etc. etc. etc. I’m finding it to be much more ‘corporate’ than I had expected and ANYONE who knows me knows that I am NOT corporate.
I am looking forward to doing things revolving around counseling - that should help me to know whether I want to do my Master’s work in that or not. Back to my feelings of doubt that creep in, I also don’t know how much of that is amplified by the malaria meds what are supposed to increase anxiety - but I already mentioned that, didn’t I?
One girl, Jill, still hasn’t received her bag yet which basically contained everything she owned. They have told her to assume it’s gone and they’ll give her some money to replace some of the stuff. I happen to think that’s sort of shitty on their part - seeing that they experience the loss of luggage thing so frequently, it’s not big deal to them. Well, it IS a big deal to the person who doesn’t have anything from home with them now. All my stuff has made it here, though the one delay, and I’ve discovered that I packed WAY too much shit. WAY too much clothes. I should have eliminated 1 suitcase of clothes and packed essentials instead.
Our afternoon training was all safe sex education, which is old hat to me. It was very funny when the doctor starting flashing pictures of gonorrhea and syphilis on the screen, lol. The reactions from the kids were priceless and the conversations that ensued afterwards even better. The best part being that at dinner they served something resembling kielbasa.
At lunch, I tried to slam down the food and make it to the internet café to drop everyone an email, but the connection there was so slow that it took me 15 minutes to get it up and running. By the time I had typed the email and tried to send, my time was up. So you my not get this journal until I’ve been here for quite some time. My apologies.
Tuesday, Nov. 6:
This day was GREAT or BAIE LEKKER (very great) because last night I got my first full night’s sleep. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the volunteers gave a set of ear plugs and so after throwing up my dinner again and taking a hike to look at the stars, I shoved those puppies in and was out. Speaking of the stars, you have never seen a sky so clear at night than here. No ambient light from big cities, no clouds, no smog…nothing. I’ve never seen so many in one sky. You can just lay there forever and get lost it - that is, if you aren’t alarmed by the scurrying of scorpions in the sand. I haven’t had the unfortunate sting of one yet, but I heard it DOES hurt. I did wake up the other night to find a very ugly looking thing crawling on my wall that looked like a spider, but had 10 legs…so not sure.
The first part of the day was great. We began our Afrikaans learning and since I started teaching myself this about 6 weeks before I came, I feel I have a pretty good handle on it. Today was just the basics, so it was all repeat for me. We then had a cultural session which was fantastic. Representatives from 7 Namibian tribes came in traditional clothing and brought things like bows and arrows, household objects, and the like to share with us. It was fascinating hearing their language (some of which some here will end up having to learn) and to hear about the heritage before and after apartheid. The remnants of which are all around.
We broke for lunch and then afterwards the entire afternoon was spend on medical stuff such as, how long we have to boil water to make it safe, not leaving dirty dishes or water around so as not to draw mosquitoes, bathing, keeping hands clean to avoid dysentery. It’s very strange to me that I will have to be aware every day about my surroundings in order to keep myself healthy. We are so spoiled in America, we really are.
The session ended early and we had 90 minutes to ourselves before dinner. I decided to go into town and TRY once again to send an email to every - my last attempt being a failure. Getting there, I discovered the internet to be down so I took the time to check out the cell phone situation. I found one for N500, but it was after 16:30 pm (4:30), so the bank was closed and I was unable to change over my American dollars. I plan on having a cell phone by tomorrow so phone calls are on the way.
We also had a chance to meet some volunteers who have been here a year and formed an organization called VSN - Volunteer Support Network. They set it up so that if and when we have bad days, need to vent, cry, just converse with someone to get us a through a rough time, they are there for us. I decided to apply to become a part of it, once I have reached my 1 year stage. Wow, 1 year…it seems so far away. I also had the opportunity to talk with Alma, a current volunteer who relieved a great burden from me. I had, all this time, been convinced that I was going into a job position where I was going to have to teach workshops (which was difficult enough without the experience) but in AFRIKAANS. I was very anxious over this…thinking that I not only had to do something I was clueless about but also in a foreign language. She informed me today, that all the stuff I do, I do in English. They want you to learn the language, so you can integrate more into your community where you live. WHEW!!!! So relieved…
I finally got to teach a yoga class this evening in one of the classrooms and everyone seemed to enjoy it. I was fun leading my friends through the exercises. I want to do it several more times so I become comfortable with instruction. Namaste.
Wednesday, Nov. 7:
Another day after a good night’s rest…so slowly, but surely I am feeling better. The morning consisted of another Afrikaans lesson (learning the basics). At lunch I thought I might try to head into town and exchange some money to purchase my cell phone. That did not go according to plan. It was a Catch 22. They wouldn’t let me exchange my dollars for Namibian without my passport which is being held by the PC, I couldn’t deposit my money directly into my debit account without my passport, the cell phone place didn’t take Visa and then I couldn’t remember my debit password for my checking account back home. Kinda funny when I look back on the day.
The afternoon consisted of more cultural learning, this time about race issues. It was really interesting how everyone’s view of race and ethnicity was slightly different and everyone has been affected by it to some degree or another. We then were surprised to find out what language we would be learning. See, everyone was learning Afrikaans just to be able to greet one another and stuff, but once we get to our site, we’ll be speaking our own tribal languages. I found out I am going to be speaking ‘Rukwangali’ which is mainly spoken in the north, up near Angola. So more than likely I’ll be stationed around Rundo, a sizeable city on the Angolian river of about 10,000 people. It should be interesting.
After dinner, the health people met with Paul and Patrick who are current PCVs to talk about what goes on at site, what programs and projects they have created and just an overall view of what it will be like on our own. The one thing I was grateful for is that neither of them had a clue when they arrived. Cause seriously, I have no clue. I mean, I’m coming into this with an open mind and a bag full of tricks per se, but otherwise…no experience in things like writing proposals, organizing meetings, etc. etc. - it all just sounds so corporate.
We finished the evening by having ‘movie night’ and watched GOONIES. They set up a screen outside on the lawn and the IT guys connected Coleen’s laptop. We all laid on the grass or in chairs and enjoyed the cool breeze. It was like being at a drive-in. Of course, GOONIES came out when I was in high school - when most of the people here were 2-3 years old. I finally did call my folks to let them know everything was okay and then dropped Mark a phone call. Of course, my phone card ran out and he ended up calling me back later - only to be cut off because the pay phone here has a time limit that I wasn’t paying attention to. I looked up to see it counting down to 1 from 6 - enough time to say hey, love ya, gonna get cut off now, bye.
Thursday, Nov. 8:
Today was the most amazing day so far. We started with singing, as we usually do and then broke off into our language groups. I think I mentioned that I’m learning Rukwangali and I LOVE it. The language is so beautiful and easy to learn. Here is a typical (informal) greeting amongst people who live in the Kavango region:
Metaha. Good afternoon.
Metaha none. Good afternoon to you.
Ngapi nawa? Is it fine?
Inh, nawa. One? Yes, I’m fine, and you?
Nawa. I’m fine.
It’s just flows so easily - all the vowels and consonants sounds just like you think they do. Metaha is met-a-ha. Nawa itself means fine, beautiful, nice, smart, tasty, great, fantastic - it basically covers most positive adjectives - so the Rukwangali use it a lot.
I skipped lunch to finally go and exchange the last of my American dollars into Namibian and purchase my cell phone. So, the way to reach me by phone in Namibia is 011-264-81-3611720. I think you just dial those numbers one right after another, but you may have to dial the 011 first, then way a moment, then dial the rest. You probably have to use a land unless your sell phone as SIM capability. I would love ya’ll to call and leave messages for me. It actually doesn’t cost me a cent to receive phone calls OR to check my voicemail. The previous PCVs have given us some clues to saving money in reference to phone calls. They do a lot of ‘miss’ calling. They call the states and hang up after 1 ring, that clues the person there to call them back. They also do that amongst themselves just to say hello. They do a lot of texting as well, which I hate, but I suppose it’s the cheap way out.
All that said, the afternoon training went about in its’ normal fashion and we finished 90 minutes early. YEAH!!! Patrick, one of the current PCVs invited me to go on a hike to a local ‘squatter’s’ village which is similar to a ‘location’ - where people live in corrugated metal shacks. I was nervous at first but then decided I needed the experience to practice my Rukwangali. It was about 3 kilometers from the training center, so roundtrip was about 3 hours. You see people living like this on TV and in movies but are completely unprepared for actually WALKING in and through this area. It was stimulation overload. People were SO nice and stopped to chat with us and I got to speak the language and then they’d help correct me if I pronounced something wrong and teach me new words like ‘natulimona mogura’ = see you tomorrow. I walked out of there realizing that THAT was why I was here. The conversation to, during and on the way home with Patrick was great because he helped me feel at ease with my entire experience here.
Tonight, I met Luke, another current PCV who happens to be gay. It was nice to rap with him about all of that and completely be myself for a few minutes. Some of the other trainees in my group know about me and everyone is totally cool, but it was just nice to converse with someone on the same wavelength. Ngurova!
Friday, Nov. 9:
Another great day in training. I’m not sure if I’m just getting used to the hours or that the stuff we are learning is just becoming more interesting. We began with our 2 hours of language training and I learned how to say where I’m from and ask where you are, etc. More formal and informal greeting type things. There are these things in Rukwangali called ‘concords’ which are like prefixes that designate whether a word is masculine, feminine, plural, animal, human, etc. We have ‘suffixes’ in English which do similar things, but this concept is hard for me to grasp.
At lunch I went into town to add time to my cell phone. The way phones work here is, you buy one. Then you have to purchase your phone number separately on a SIM card. Once you buy that initial start-up card, you buy rechargeable cards or minutes to add to your cell number. The great thing about it, is that I can take the SIM card out of the back of my phone and use it in someone else’s and it takes away from my account, not theirs. I called Mark just to try and get him to call me back it and used 10 Namibian dollars in one minute - so needless to say, I won’t be calling on this end very often. I don’t have to pay to check voicemail NOR when I receive calls so feel free to buzz me when you like.
The afternoon training was on diversity, whether it was skin color, religion, sexuality, etc. They were trying to prepare us for all the different things we might experience while here. It was really interesting. We did this exercise where we got into a circle and the instructor would make a statement like ‘My parents are divorced’. Then, anyone who’s parents are divorced would step into the circle and the instructor would talk a minute about what it feels like to be on the inside circle AND the out. It gave us a few bits and pieces of information about each other and I think, will eventually make us that much tighter as a group. I mean, this is my family for the next 2 years.
The evening ended with another PCV giving a talk on GLBT issues in Namibia. For those of you not aware, up until very recently, homosexuality was illegal here and you could be arrested for up to 7 years if caught in the act. Things are very, very slowly beginning to change but this place is YEARS from being like the states - even though the US still isn’t where it needs to be on the issue. After talking with him at the end, we’ve decided to spearhead a program that will be based out of the PC office here in Windhoek. We are going to gather information including movies, magazine/newspaper articles, etc. that have positive images and message about gay and lesbian people. We want to create a resource for all future volunteers (Mulizembali in Rukwangali) so that if they are ever in a situation where they have a Namibian ‘come-out’ to them, not only can they be there for emotional support, but they can also give them a glimpse into what being gay for them could possibly be. See here, there is no concept. The word gay has no meaning. The gay men that do come to terms with themselves end up wearing dresses and make-up because they think that’s what it means. They don’t understand that they can be who they are without forcing some sort of unnecessary stereotype. In addition to that, if they do get the courage to come out to a PC volunteer, where do they go from there? They can’t tell anyone else OR their parents, so they have no outlet. All that said, Luke and I want to organize resource materials for this purpose. So, trust me, down the road, I am going to hit up all up for donations of stuff (i.e. Sending me a particular DVD).
Well, it’s Friday (Etitano) night and about half of the volunteers have gone into town to drink a but and I am hear typing away. I’m gonna take a quick shower and then curl up in bed with a book (which is another thing I may have to have people back in the states send me, cause I’ll be hard pressed to find good reading material here. As Jay said about PCVs, non-readers become readers, readers become writers and writers go crazy. I guess this journal is the beginning of my writing…
Saturday, Nov. 10:
Well, today I didn’t set my alarm and figured I would sleep in a bit. Woke up at 6:40 like clockwork though and decided to go ahead and start my day. Had some breakfast and then we had a cultural lesson on gender roles. I felt it was kind of boring, but others seem to be very into it. We broke early because the remainder of the day was set aside for us to experience some traditional cuisine prepared by our trainers. They each made meals that are generally served in the areas where we will be staying. I went into it with an open mind and cast iron stomach. Speaking of stomach, that is something I ate for the first time today - cow stomach to be more specific. I couldn’t keep it down, well, I couldn’t even swallow it. It looked like a morel mushroom but tasted like…well, I don’t know really. I continued on my adventure and decided to try some ‘smiley’. A ‘smiley’ is a goats head that has basically just been severed from the goat with a machete and thrown into a pot to cook all day. The reason they call it a ‘smiley’, is because when the facial muscles and skin cook, they shrink back on the skull and it makes it look like the goat is smiling. Sick, I know, lol, but I tried a piece just to be able to say I’ve eaten goat face. The Namibians were tearing into it though, eating the hose, eyes, brains….I had to walk away.
I then ventured over to a traditional Silosi meal. It was a stew made from donkey with dumplings. So, yes….if you’re wondering….I ate ass today…and it tasted like beef. There were other things I sampled, fruits, nuts, things that I’ve never eaten before and most I could handle - it was the ‘meat’ stuff that was difficult.
After that, and a quick nap, the health volunteers were invited to go to a location and talk to a traditional healer or witch doctor. Again I stepped into the world of corrugated metal shacks and unfamiliar smells. It was fascinating though, listening to him talk about how he was born a witch doctor because it was a breach birth and share some of the remedies he concocted for various ailments. What was more interesting was the hip hop song that played on his cell phone that went off during the discussion. It’s so interesting. You have this idea about what a country is going to be like and then forget that it’s 2007. Some of the other trainers have told me stores that you can travel out into the very rural parts of Africa where people like in huts without running water or electricity and yet they will have cell phones and internet access. Who knew? I found some time tonight to compile the pictures I’ve taken so far into a little slide show while everyone else is watching a pirated copy of American Gangster. Welcome to Namibia.
Sunday, Nov. 11:
Well, Sundays back home were my days to just chill and not plan much of anything. I’m discovering that here in Namibia, going about it that way makes the day drag on and on. I had breakfast, read a little, walked into town (though NOTHING is open on Sunday), and then around 3 in the afternoon went for a hike with a group. The hike was amazing - VERY tiring - but amazing just the same. I have great shots of the canyons, landscape and town of Okahandja. On the hike up we heard a group of baboons (which inhabit the area we were exploring) and saw lots of poop, but never actually saw them. Some people had hiked the day before and ran across a few, but we had no such luck. I was also hoping to run across a scorpion or two, but struck on with that as well. We hiked to about 1,000 feet of one particular mountain range and just took some time to look out over everything. It was a similar feeling to sitting on the edge of the grand canyon - it took my breath away. This is truly a beautiful country with many, contrasting features. I was interesting to see all the dried up rivers winding through the landscape. We are entering the rainy season and hopefully I’ll get to see some downpours and watch the rivers fill up. I was told that the rivers are still flowing, just underneath the sand.
Got back from the hike and was tired, but it was a good tired. Played some King Mao - which if I haven’t mentioned it yet, is the coolest card game EVER - and then crashed.
Monday, Nov. 12:
Yet another day of training, including both language (Kwafa nge rutugo!!! - Pass me a spoon please - cause you know, I’ll need to have that statement MEMORIZED to survive in the Kavango, lol) and an introduction into health projects. Most of today’s training consisted of information about sexually transmitted infections and HIV - which was nothing I didn’t already know.
After afternoon tea - oh yeah, did I mention, we break for morning AND afternoon tea each weekday - it’s a big thing in the culture here and they actually DO serve tea during that time and either cookies or small finger sandwiches…anyways, Margreth, my language instructor, decided to take us on a hike in order to practice Rukwangali. We ended up hiking to Fervent (spelling?), which is the squatter’s camp that Patrick and I hiked to a day or two ago. We stopped in the craft market briefly and of course I finally found some things that I want to buy, but I am going to wait until right before I leave, so as not to get hounded by the craftsmen. See, once you spend money at one person’s shop, they remember you, and each time you go back, they constantly want you to come and spend more. Also, you never want to pay more than ½ of what they quote you. The whole bargaining down the price thing is very new to me. But like I mentioned, I found a really cool bowl for fruit and longer, rectangular tray for bread. Both are made out of EBON wood, which is very black and shiny when polished. Oh, and did I mention all this dry air, me wearing sandals and the hiking has caused my heels to crack and bleed and re-crack something fierce. It’s nice and painful to walk right now.
Dinner was ready when we returned and afterwards I hiked to town to hit the internet café, which was staying open later just for us. I was able to get a very generic email out to everyone but found that I will be able to take my own computer in there and sign on. So, hopefully tomorrow night, I’ll have time to get to town and finally upload this journal for all of you to discover what’s been going on with me. So even though I don’t get to check email all that often, keep em’ coming. When snail mailing letters to me, address them to:
Brother David Church, US Peace Corps/Namibia
20 Nachtigal St.
Windhoek, Namibia
Also, a current PCV that is doing some sort of training are here, has a puppy. Oh God I miss my Austin. This puppy is SO cute. It’s some sort of Namibian mutt - short hair, almost wolfish face, thin legs - so f’n cute. I am seriously thinking about having a dog or a cat at my site. I think it would make it that much less lonely. I just sort of feel like I am cheating on my girl back home. Think she would forgive me?
Tuesday, Nov. 13:
Okay, so now the days are sort of blending into one another. Each day it seems to be the same thing over and over again. Language was rough today - we keep learning new phrases and vocabulary but NO GRAMMAR!!! We finally said something to our instructor about it and so today we worked on conjugated verbs. The problem is that there are no rules or at least no rules that she knows of to help us understand why some change one way and others, a different way. I WANT STRUCTURE!!! Lol.
Health training was sort of stagnant, outside of the condom demonstration. We were given wooden penises in our safe sex education kits and today Patrick demoed the proper way to open up and use a condom. He’s cute, that’s the only thing that made the class interesting. We then took a trip to a private doctor’s office to talk about healthcare from his perspective. The excursion was fairly boring but the one thing that stuck in my mind was when he said, and I quote “If I had known about HIV 30 years ago, I would NEVER have become a doctor’. HIV has reached ridiculous proportions here.
It finally rained and a few of us decided to just walk back to the compound in it. It was very refreshing, given how hot it’s been. As soon as it stopped, I packed up the laptop and headed for the internet café where I was finally able to attach my journal, check all 67 emails and respond and clean up my contact list a bit. I returned in time for dinner, but it wasn’t all that good tonight, so I should have just picked up something from Spar.
I chatted a bit with some current PCVs, played a couple rounds of King Mao, hung out and kissed on Tess (the dog I’m going to steal from Steve) and then played a video game on the laptop. I guess I should have been studying, but my mind was on overload, so that was out for today.
Wednesday, Nov. 14:
OH GOD I’M BORED!!!! That’s not to say that I’m not learning things (i.e. Language, health education stuff, etc.), it’s just that the days seem to stretch out here and once the evening hits…you sit around trying to create stuff to entertain yourself. I guess this is all in preparation for the next 2 years. Living alone, in a little flat, with no TV…nothing to do but read and stare at the walls. Oh, and stare at the very large, gelatinous spiders that are crawling across your feet. Yes, I was laying in the grass this evening playing with Tess (the dog) and I felt something against my foot, I gently reached down to brush it off, just in time for Wendy to say, wow, that’s a HUGE spider. I looked down and this ‘thing’ that was about the size of a mole (no lie!!!) and looked like something from Abe’s Odyssey, was scampering away in the grass. Seriously, this thing was so big. It had small legs but the abdomen was about the size of a golf ball. It was slightly orange, but somewhat transparent - you could see veins running through it. I will say, that the day I wake up in my bed to see one of these on me or the wall next to me, I’m going to shriek like a 13-year old girl. I’m not walking barefoot around here any MORE!!!
We had a guest speaker, a Namibian woman living with HIV. She was by far, the most interesting session we’ve had. You sit there and listen to her life and wonder, how the hell does something like this happen in 2007. She became positive by her bf but didn’t find out till she applied to become a pilot. When she told him she was positive, he accused her of cheating on him. Even though here, men cheat on their girlfriends/wives all the time, it’s a common thing…when the girl wants to get tested and/or finds out she is positive, then it’s the girls fault. She ended up getting pregnant by the guy (her 4 year old boy is fine) but when he died, his family blamed her. OH, and when she had her C-section, the female doctor performed a hysterectomy WITHOUT HER CONSENT. Up until recently, doctors did that to people with HIV so as not to continue having children who are positive. The stigma attached to positive people here is far greater than that of the states. Here, it doesn’t matter if you are male/female, you are outcaste by everyone - family, friends, employers. You can’t be fired for being positive, but even if you are in a position of authority, if your inferiors find out you have HIV they won’t listen to you, they will call you names and ignore you at work. It’s really bad. And, because of the gender inequality, women are blamed for bringing it into the relationship even though it’s the men who are not being monogamous.
Also, the concept of ‘sex’ here is very different. Sex here is JUST intercourse and rough intercourse at that. It’s strictly for pleasure of the man. AND women here do things to ‘dry out’ their vaginas so as to make themselves tight - hence being more pleasurable to the guy. DRY SEX is more common than not. This of course leads to more prevalence of HIV because of all the tearing of the vaginal walls due to no lubrication. My language group and I had a chance to chat a little more casually with our instructors - both females of about 25 years of age. They said that times are changing slightly, but they still feel their only role in sex is to please the man. Neither of them have experienced orgasms. This country is in need of a sexual revolution. I think they are where America was about 50 years ago. The problem is, is that they can’t afford to take 50 years to get to where we are. Too many people are going to die, unless traditional thoughts and behaviors begin to change rapidly.
Thursday, Nov. 15:
FIRST and foremost, let me just share with you something I found VERY disturbing. Remember the spider story from yesterday??? Well, this morning I overheard a conversation by the water cooler and come to find out, someone had killed that spider and people were commenting on how big it was. One of current PCVs said, ‘oh, that’s a haircutter spider or what most people call a ‘beardcutter’. A beardcutter? I proceeded to ask why and the answer is the disturbing part of my story. This spider, in order to build it’s nest, will track down dogs, cats and yes HUMANS and cut off their BODY HAIR!!!!!! YES!!! It crawls into people’s beds, especially men, and chews away pieces of hair in order to make it’s nest all nice and cozy. It PREFERS hair from the pubic region. Can I just say OMG! I mean really….Oh My God!
So besides the ‘spider’ update, today started out as all others - breakfast, meetings, language, morning tea, health education, lunch, then more language. So, for the most part, the typical non-eventful day in the life of a PC trainee. Afternoon language was REALLY boring because it’s so very hot during that time of the day and everyone is just dragging. Besides, we keep asking so many questions of our teachers that I think they are getting sick of us, lol.
We finished early and I walked up to the internet café to return some emails. Speaking of which, for those of you who wish to send me care packages (yes, please may I have another?) it probably isn’t’ a good idea to send anything perishable like cookies or chocolate. You can however send DVDs of movies you are tired of (or pirated copies of new releases - yes, I’ve stooped that low), toothpaste, shaving cream (no cans, stuff that comes in tubes), really good ink pens (liquid ink, not ball point), pads of paper, envelopes, Q-tips, peanut butter (it’s a comfort food), matches, bars of soap, razor blades (the kind that go with the razor that has a vibrating handle - so to be so picky, but otherwise I get serious razor burn, lol), gum, hard candies, etc. When it gets closer to Christmas I’ll ask for more specific things, J.
The evening ended with a session on financial building secondary projects you can start in your community, such as basket weaving, gardens, etc. These not only provide income to the local people involved, but also build self esteem and increase skill levels. I think it would be cool, depending on my site, to get grant money for women to raise and sheer sheep. Then, turn the wool into yarn, hand dye it and teach them how to knit it into scarves and throws. THEN, get connected with a source back in the states to sell their goods. Who wouldn’t want an organically grown, 100% wool, hand-dyed/knit scarf? We also touched upon home based health care for people with TB and HIV. Overall, the session left me pumped about getting to my site in January and getting busy with the community I will be integrating for the next 2 years. A lot of what I’ll be doing is brand new to me and somewhat scary, but just being able to make a small, positive change in the lives of these people is worth it. I ended the night by teaching another yoga class - this time, a few Namibians joined in. They were laughing at each other and us with some of the positions, but by the end of the class were doing fairly well and enjoying themselves.
Friday, Nov. 16:
The time for waiting ended today. We FINALLY found out where we are going to spend the next 2 years. I, will be staying in a very small village called Mpungu Vlei. It has a population of less than 1,000. I will be working at the health center - it’s technically their hospital, but since there is no doctors (only nurses), it isn’t called that. The nursing staff live in houses on the compound and I’ll have my own house there. I even have a porch! The trade off for getting my own pad (I say pad, in the sense that my entire house will probably be under 500 sq. feet) is that I am 50 kilos from the next volunteers. I am about 2 hours west of Rundu and most of the other health volunteers are along the Kavango River - Justin is in Rupara, Stephanie in Nzinze, Wendy in Nankudu and Sarah is in Nkurenkuru. The worst part of it is that I am 10 hours from the conference center here in Okahandja. So, every time I have to come back here for a training or a ‘re-connect’, I have to hitch for that 10 hour stretch. AND, seeing that I have to take 2 or 3 different highways to get here, there may be HOURS in between one car ride and another. Anyone who knows me KNOWS, riding in a car for long hours at a time is NOT MY THING.
Later, our supervisors began to arrive. These are the people we report to while at our site. The introductions are tomorrow, so I see all these unfamiliar faces and wonder which one I’ll be fighting with over the next 2 years, lol. A lot of volunteers went into town to celebrate, but I stayed back to get a head start on packing for Sunday - though, some of us might be leaving in the morning. I’ve also took on the task of creating a slide show of Nam27’s journey so far, so I spend a few hours collecting and composing pics. I’m hoping to have a 90 minutes who for us to watch the night before we are sworn in on Jan. 9th.
Saturday, Nov. 17:
Woke up early today, around 5 - guess I was just anxious to meet my super and find out more about my site. Headed to breakfast, where ALL the supervisors were, but still didn’t know who was who. At 9, we met in the big conference room and 1 by 1, they would yell out a site and the volunteer going there along with the supervisor from there, would stand up. We then went off by ourselves to meet/greet one another. My super is Mr. Sebedeus Lyambezi, who goes by just Lyambezi. He seems very nice and also VERY eager to get me there and start me working, lol. Let’s just say I’m going to have to introduce him to the word - halitosis. How can I do that in a respectful way? J
As a Health Extension Volunteer I will be responsible for the following:
To plan and implement programs involving the youth in the community on health and life skills. Help with adolescent friendly health activities with regard to malaria prevention and home based care. Conduct community health trainings and awareness talks. Train and assist health workers to plan projects and accomplish heir goals. Help with project management skills and proposal writing for HIV/AIDS, malaria and TB. Establish support groups to work on stigma and increase access to services. Help to get the community resource people more active. Establish a community garden at the clinic with the HBC workers as an income generation and food security project. Help develop health education materials with scarce resources but great need.
Okay, WHEW!!! I read and re-read my job description and wonder…what the F have I gotten myself into? I have NEVER done anything like this in my life. Talk about stretching yourself! I joined the PC cause I wanted to learn and grow - maybe I should have been a little more specific about exactly how MUCH I wanted to grow, lol. PLEASE pray that I can keep a lid on things (i.e. My mental state, stress level, etc.)
Most of us left today to venture out into the unknown, while a few remained behind to head out in the morning. I’m getting ready to go do an hour of yoga and then watch ‘The Big Lebowski’. I’m hoping I can get a good night’s rest without freaking myself out too much about the LONG day ahead tomorrow.
Sunday, Nov. 18:
It is a very dark night for me here. We left at 7:30 this morning to head from Okahandja to Mpungu, which is to be the place I am living for the next 2 years. Along the way we dropped off Justin, Stephanie, Wendy and Sarah at their respective sites. With each stop, I found the knot in my stomach growing. Each town seemed more desolate, less inhabited and just plain, farther away from ANYTHING. I finally arrived at my place around 8:00 tonight. I am in a bad way - that’s the only way I can describe it. First, I am completely alone and as I sit here typing this and crying my eyes out, I realize very strongly that I don’t LIKE being this alone. I enjoy having time to myself….but this is a whole other ball game. Maybe it’s the long day and the hours in the car and seeing all my new found friends leave, but I have reached a point of vulnerability that I don’t think I’ve experienced before. The ‘flat’ that I am living in is one big room, with a private bath. There is no shower curtain in the shower, the sink leaks and the toilet won’t stop refilling. There are small cockroach type things crawling everywhere, it’s VERY hot and I don’t even have a fan, there is no stove or fridge yet (so I can’t even keep the food I brought along with me to eat this week, cold) and I am sleeping in a hospital type twin bed with just a piece of foam for a mattress. There is nothing on the walls and fluorescent lighting on the ceilings. The ceilings are metal, so I had to rig my mosquito net up with hospital bandages. I have NO cell phone ability here, NO landline phone in my room and NO internet connection. I thought I would be okay with ‘roughing’ it a bit…but I am starting to believe that I didn’t think this thing through too clearly. I CAN’T be this disconnected from everyone and everything. I guess the people who live here grew up in this type of isolation and so they have nothing to compare it to, but this is HARD. Is it just me? I mean, what was I expecting from this? To have a nice big house to roam around in - do my job during the day and come home to my comfy pad? Maybe I was…just a little. My stomach is in knots and I wonder if I am going to get ANY sleep tonight at all. Since we arrived in the night, I have no idea what this town looks like but if it’s in any way, comparable to the ones we dropped the other people off at, I fear I will not be able to adjust to this. I had wanted to be in a more urban setting…thinking that I would venture out into the more rural communities on a ’need to’ basis. This isn’t just rural here, I’m literally in the middle of NO-WHERE. I am being such a baby right now, I realize this…I honestly hope I can ’deal’ and adjust over the next few days to the point where I can give this a shot. But everything I am feeling at this very moment, combined with this nagging feeling that I cannot do what is going to be asked of me is making my stomach turn and my body ache. I REALLY wish I could call and talk to someone right now….I need to talk to someone…I have no outlet for all this emotion building up inside me. All that keeps running through my head is that I WANT TO GO HOME. And thinking of that makes it worse because I don’t have a home to go to. I sold it, gave up my business, put everything into storage to come to Africa to do some good. What was I thinking? I can’t handle this. Can I? On some level did I think that by ’sacrificing’ this much, it would make my ‘volunteerism’ mean more? Why was I not content with repainting rooms and working as a resident manager at Caracole? I know on a very deep level I want to give something back to the world…but is this it? Am I built for this? And if I’m not…what does that mean? Will I forever regret or beat myself up for leaving? Is it ‘giving up’ or is it being realistic? Am I just fragile because the last 3 weeks have been a rollercoaster and now I’m left with nothing but my thoughts? Hell, I don’t even think there is a post office in this town and I may have to travel back and forth to Rundu to pick up my mail.
So, I just ventured outside my flat and walked around the compound a bit. To get some air and I had hoped, to clear my head a bit. It didn’t help. I just made me feel more isolated. I realize in this moment, that if I was ever wrongly convicted of a crime and sent to prison, I would perish within the first 24 hours. This feels very close to prison. I know I’m complaining and a part of me feels like a complete pussy right now but I just DON’T want to be here. Does it mean I’m weak? I just wonder what everyone else is experiencing in this moment. Shouldn’t I feel more excited? I pray that I can make it through the night and that hopefully, once I experience this place in the daytime, that I will begin to feel more at ease. Right now I am just questioning all my reasons for being here. Hell, Ruth is 70 and she’s doing it. Is it me? Is it just homesickness? Is it exhaustion from the trip? Is it just being so ALONE!?!?!?
Monday, Nov. 19:
It’s about 12:30 and though I usually write in this journal at night, I am sitting here after lunch with nothing to do. I am 7-9% better than I was last night but I’m not sure if that’s only because I’m distracted with talking with my supervisor or all the walking I’m doing to check out the town and area. I’m still fighting the ‘wanting to flee the country’ feeling. Where IS the line between self-preservation and ‘working through it’? I realize that if I was only going to be here for a few weeks, hell, even a month or two, that I could handle it. So, I’m thinking that the idea of 2 years (2 YEARS!!!) is what is making me nervous. I had a long chat with my super about what he is hoping to accomplish while I am here and some of it I don’t feel comfortable with at all and other parts I’m okay. The parts I’m not comfortable with are just things like implementing programs, facilitating discussion with local community members, things like that. It’s all just new to me. Other things we talked about like counseling for pre- and post- HIV testing, safe sex education and hell, and even me training other people in massage - all of these I’m comfortable with, it’s just the fact that I don’t speak the language fully is where the fear comes in. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to counsel someone who just found out they are positive if they can’t understand what I am saying?
Oh, and that knot in my stomach…every minute that I sit in my ‘flat’ I feel the walls closing in around me and that knot grows bigger. Where is all this self-doubt coming from? Is it JUST the fear of the unknown or was I not ready for this? I mean, the other PCVs seemed SO excited about getting to their sites and getting going with projects. I wish I could talk to some of them now, but I have to wait until Saturday. It’s going to be a long week.
I thought for a minute that it may be that I am truly a spoiled American and that I can’t handle the desolation and poverty that I am facing and well, having to live in here. But I don’t think it’s that. I’m not judging anyone nor have I had a situation yet that has caused me to shake my head. I hope to God that by Thursday or Friday I feel better because going back to Okahandja with my friends and continuing training will only amplify my feelings of isolation when I return here in January. Is a week enough time to ‘settle’ in to the point of knowing for sure whether something is right for you or not? I really don’t want to give up on this but I also refuse to ‘force’ myself to endure something just because I’m worried about letting someone down or how I think people will perceive me if I come home.
It’s now 7:30 and I’m back to the same place I was in last night. I can’t eat, I can’t relax, I can’t do ANYTHING because there is NOTHING to do. I’m truly wondering if I came here for all the wrong reasons. And, adding to the fact that I experienced so much chance just prior to coming here. Selling my house, closing my business and leaving my friends was enough. I think that if I had just moved to a different city I would still be sad, but I’d have the stimulus of the life of the city to distract or embrace me. I am literally left with nothing but my thoughts here. When I went up north with the family for the 4th, there was nothing to do there either. But I had the interaction with the family. When I went on vacation to Portland, Maine by myself that one time, I remember the first night being very hard for me. Feeling so alone. But, again, I had the city to distract me and the next day met someone to hang out with. So is the bottom line I just don’t do well on my own? Is that normal? Are most people okay just being with themselves. How do old people who lose their spouse and end up alone handle it? Could it be that I can’t commit in a relationship because I fear that person will eventually be gone and I’ll be alone. So I live alone, seeing people when I want, so as to be in ’control’ of that situation? I mean, I think if I went on a retreat for a week or two where I was alone or couldn’t talk, I could handle it…but I know there is an end in sight. The idea of 2 years here is hanging over my head like a knife. Is it all about distraction for me? I mean, if I was here and had a TV with cable and/or internet access - things to occupy my time…would I feel as intensely overwhelmed?
Tuesday, Nov. 20:
Another night of not sleeping very much and waking to the ever-growing ulcer in my stomach.
Today, Lyambezi (my super) had arranged a meeting with the members of his ’community development’ group. They consisted of the principal of the high school, the pastor (Zacharia Angola), the local agricultural agent, a teacher and the headman. The headman is sort of like a mayor/elder. People go to him to discuss all sorts of issues. The meeting was to introduce me to everyone and to give them an idea what Peace Corps is all about and what I’m doing here. Did I mention the knot in my stomach? Lol. Seriously…is this how people develop ulcers? Every minute of each day that I’ve been here has been uncomfortable. It’s not even just being out of my element, it’s like I no longer have one. I just wonder if I can handle the pressure of this assignment and the isolation that comes along with it.
I was also introduced to my ’foster’ family. They are supposed to be my home away from home so to speak. I also learned, that I will be staying with them tonight. Sleeping at their homestead. Sleeping in a hut. A hut. A shack constructed of some sticks and corrugated metal for a roof. Seriously…when do I become comfortable or at ease? I really wonder if it’s just me. I can’t wait to get back to Okahandja and find out how everyone else felt or is feeling for that matter. I did learn, through my super, that Wendy, one of the PCVs we dropped off in Nankudu, left the very next morning to stay with Stephanie in Nzinze. I think she was very uncomfortable where she was staying. I don’t know if this means she isn’t returning to this particular assignment or is just waiting for new sleeping arrangements. I know when we dropped her off that if it had been my site, I would have ran screaming for the airport. As far as standards go, I have it lucky as far as accommodations. I just happen to be in the middle of nowhere.
What I’m facing now is guilt. The men of this village are very excited (esp. my super) about me being here and expect great things. So now I’m trying to discover within myself if I can still walk away from this. Now…all that said. I met a volunteer teacher today. A white guy from Chicago. He’s here teaching computer science. I mention he’s white, because he and I are it. I had no idea there was another volunteer from the states here. I was VERY excited to meet him and after lunch, I am heading up to the school to sit him down and chat. There is also a white girl from Britain here, Kristin. So maybe, between the 2 of them, they can provide an emotional support and understanding to help me get through my first few months here. I plan on informing them that I will see them EVERY day, lol.
Okay, I just got back from visiting with both Alex and Kristina. Turned out, they are both PCVs NOT VSOs. They are part of Nam26, the group right before me and have been here a year. THEY are my saving grace!!!!!! After talking with them for about an hour, my stomach pain began to subside and I’m feeling about 50% better than I did the first day. They are going to be my lifeline. I believe I will still have an issue with ’things to do’ seeing that my job description is very vague, but I’m feeling much better about the downtime. It’s funny to think about how I always made sure I had that time to myself back home and now that I’m faced with having plenty of it, I’m freaking out a bit.
I think I’ve pretty much made my mind up that I’m not staying at this site. As the day worn on, even after talking with the 2 PCVs, I realized that I am just not cut out for this type of isolation. Having a lot of time with nothing to do is one thing, but having a lot of time and having NOTHING to do is different. They have both been here a year and basically said that if it wasn’t for one another, they would have left. They are teachers and they talk about having nothing to do all the time. Kristen was put here to train teachers and she said that for the past year she has done NOTHING. The few workshops she taught, most of the teachers didn’t show up because they weren’t interested. So in the year that she’s been here, she coached a volleyball team twice a week, cleaned out and organized a resource center for the teachers (who never use it) and conducted 7 workshops that were marginally attended. Her job sounds very much like mine, as far as not having any structure and having to create it out of thin air. I mean, if I’m in an area where there is nothing, how do I create things that induce positive change? I realize that this job entails me digging deep within myself, but I just don’t think I’m capable of digging THIS deep AND being this isolated. I will stick it out over the next 2 days, but unless something miraculous happens that motivates me to stay…I will inform PC on Friday afternoon that they need to re-assign me.
Wednesday, Nov. 21:
I slept better last night than I had since I’ve been here but still woke around 5. It began to rain heavily shortly afterwards and so in about 20 minutes, I was back asleep. The sound of the rain and the cool breeze aided my slumber. I have still decided to ask to be moved to a different site. This is me being realistic and not me running away. I can handle the heat, the bugs, the food, the people, the language, any type of accommodation, etc. but what I know I can’t handle is isolation. I need to be stationed in a bigger ‘town’ and then venture out into the more desolate regions on day or overnight trips. I think that if I had a roommate, it would make it easier to adjust to the emptiness here - like Alex and Kristin. They share a 2-bedroom and thus are each other’s support EVEN if they aren’t talking. Just being in the same room with someone, having that connection, having that shoulder. I realize they are within walking distance of me and I could see them every day, but it is not enough. I could venture out to Mpungu to teach particular workshops and things every now and again, but I cannot live here. I was going to tell my supervisor yesterday about my decision, but seeing that I don’t know what HIS or my options are until I talk to Lejeune at the office, I feel it unfair to burden him with this information. There might be someone who has found their living arrangements to not be up to par and is looking for something like I have here. It would be wonderful if I got back to Okahandja and discovered that someone who was placed in a city, would have rather been more isolated. Then maybe, we could just switch places. Today I am planning on riding with someone to Nkurenkuro to pick up some test results. I am hoping to run into Sarah while there and see how things have been going with her. The knot is my stomach is still there and I feel won’t be removed until I leave this place. Friday morning I am out of here and will spend a day or two re-grouping with some fellow PCVs for Thanksgiving. Then I am off to Divundu to shadow Paul for a week. I will let PC know my intentions when I get to Rundu this Friday, that way they have a week before I come back to Okahandja to work on finding me somewhere else. I asked Alex last night if he thought they would just send me home if I wasn’t willing to be where I was assigned. He said that a handful of people returned from their site visits in his group and asked to be re-assigned and they were. I’m hoping that’s the case. I know what my limitations are and what I am willing to push myself through. Isolation, is NOT one of them. I know that even if I am in a larger city, that I may be ‘alone’ but I feel having access to SOMETHING will make it easier on me than being in the middle of nowhere.
Thursday, Nov. 22:
Where do I begin? Today’s entry actually begins with what would have been last nights. Yesterday, around 3o’clock I hitched a ride with the health center’s ambulance driver while he took some blood samples to Nankudo Hospital. It was just a way for me to ‘get out’ for a few hours and possibly run into Wendy at her site to find out how she was doing. I also knew we’d be going to Nkurenkuro for petrol and thought I might run into Sarah. Well, we arrive at the hospital after taking some god-awful back road (I say road, in the sense that we were driving on it, that’s it) and I begin to ask around for Wendy. The few people that understood what I was asking told me that she wasn’t there, that she had left. So that, in conjunction with the news I heard about the situation, made me think she had left the PC. So I’m sitting in the truck waiting for the driver to return and all of a sudden I hear my name yelled and it’s Stephanie. I run over and after a long hug, she fills me in on stuff. Then out walks Wendy and she fills in the rest. I guess Wendy IS going to stick it out at the hospital but live with Stephanie in Torondoro. We ended up giving them a ride there, then turned around and headed for Nkurenkuro. We get there, I discover we aren’t stopping by the health center, just getting petrol. The driver, proceeds to go into the bar and buy two beers. 1 he chugs down while standing and the other, he takes with him back to the truck. I’m sitting there thinking to myself, ‘this guy already drives like a lunatic, and now he’s had a couple of beers’. The PC had told us that drinking and driving is a very common occurrence here - though still illegal. I began to feel uncomfortable and decided to take over the situation, so I got out of the truck and told him I was staying there for the night. I told him to tell my super that I would see him tomorrow. I then proceeded to go find Sarah. She did not answer her door, so I called Lejeune, our APCD, and find out where she was. She didn’t know, but thought Sarah was at a host family’s house. She then informed me that there were 2 PCVs from Nam26 stationed there and to just ask around for the white teachers. I tracked down Joseph, Sarah’s counterpart (by luck, he’d been drinking at the bar the driver bought his beers). I asked him to take me to the teacher’s house. I get there, to discover Sarah there and also another PCV from Nam26 stationed in Kwengo. It ended up being a pretty fun night and I got some more perspective on the whole PC experience.
Now, today, it was up to me to find a way back to Mpungu. I was going to have to ‘hike’ for the first time. Luckily, Lindsey and Scot knew someone who was always coming from Rundu to Mpungu, transporting people. They gave me Nick’s number and I called him to make arrangements. He informed me that he was leaving Rundu around 1 and would be in Nkurenkuro about 2:30. I decided to follow Sarah around while she went about her day, until the time to leave. We ended up walking about 5 miles to check on some HIV+ people in the bush. It was SO hot and the walk was SO long…I felt so out of shape. Along the way, I was able to have a great conversation with Marcus, a Red Cross Volunteer.
We got back around 11:30 and both of us crashed for a bit. We woke up and headed over to the hospital to get something to eat. Afterwards, we had an hour to kill before she got to see her house for the first time. Her super is kind of a tool and he sent her to see her house, knowing full well it was not open or available to be seen. He seems very greasy to me, like he’s trying to hide something. Anyways, we returned and she started trying to explain to him how she NEEDED to see the inside of her place in order to fill out the evaluation form. He said that the apartment she saw right next to it was exactly the same and she should be able to fill it out based on that. By then, I was pissed and really didn’t give a shit about ‘cultural misunderstandings’. I looked him square in the face and very sternly told him that she needed to see HER place before leaving on Friday. That it didn’t matter if the other place was the same, she needed to see HER’S!!! He was NOT happy with me, lol. He kept asking me why I was raising my voice and how I need to respect him and he’s been doing his job for many years and is very trustworthy and blah, blah, blah. I told him that I DID respect him, but he needed to meet us halfway and find a solution. He kept accusing me of not being respectful and I just sat there and looked at him. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he gave a full explanation of why Sarah wasn’t able to see her place, then got upset that he had to GIVE a full explanation, lol. The situation was resolved, but I have to say, I felt pretty good for standing my ground - I did, however apologize to Sarah afterwards, she happens to be a feminist and was worried that her super now felt that she couldn’t stand up for herself. Geesh, being in another country is hard!!!
After all of this and around 3, Nick still hadn’t arrived nor called. I texted him to find out what was up and he STILL had not left Rundu. I could write a lot about how I kept calling him for the next few hours to decide whether I should find another ride, but it’s easier to say that he picked me up at 630. Quite the time difference from 2. I was put in the BACK of the truck with a drunk guy and freshly caught fish lying on the floor. The car was packed with stuff and people. I just sat there and laughed. It was a quintessential moment in my life so far.
So, at this point, I still think I might make it back to Mpungu in time to have dinner with Alex and Kristin. Nick, proceeds to start dropping passengers off individually (I was under the impression that we were ALL going to Mpungu. In between dropping people off, he continued to pick people up. I ended up being in the back of the smelly, fishy truck for 90 minutes, lol. The entire time, I just kept laughing to myself. The bonus, was that it began to rain and when it stopped, I witnessed the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen. It was right out of a movie.
I get to my site and ironically, my super is just coming in from a walk. I tell him I’ve had a very long day and am going to shower and go to bed. He then informs me that he has decided to press charges against the driver…for drinking. I didn’t completely understand everything he was saying, but I got the impression that I might have to appear in court or before an official as a witness. Okay, so now I’m totally freaked out. I tried to persuade Lyambezi to NOT file charges but he is persisting. This makes me uncomfortable in the sense that this village is very small. I am actually afraid that this guy will come after me when he is released - I mean, why wouldn’t he. Stupid American f’n up his life and all. On top of that, I’m concerned that he’ll inform the men of the village that I ratted him out and then where will I get any headway in trying to make a change here? If you coincide this with my feelings of isolation (which haven’t gone away mind you), I think it’s best I don’t return to this place. I would be better off utilized somewhere else.
I called my folks today, to wish them Happy Thanksgiving and it was SOOO good to hear their voices. I miss them terribly and found myself crying when I hung up the phone. I need to be in a place where they can contact me at their leisure and I them. Mpungu will just have to wait for a volunteer who is cut out for this time of PC service.
Friday, Nov. 23:
So I left at the crack of dawn to head to Nkurenkuro and hang out with Sarah until we were going to catch a ‘hike’ to Rundu for the next 2 nights. I followed her around with 2 guys who are part of their home-based health care system. They were great to talk to and I kept coming up with ideas for things I could try and initiate. We finally headed to Rundu with her supervisor (the guy I got into an argument with the other day) and settled in for a couple hours of riding on the dirt road. We also stopped and picked up Justin in Rupara cause he was staying with us as well.
We arrived Rundu at Maggie’s house. She’s an education volunteer with a 3 bedroom house. From all the living situations I’ve seen so far, she lives in a mansion. Her place is the main stopping point for all the people in the Kavango region when they are traveling to and from the area. Let me just tell you, from where I’ve been the past week, Rundu is NYC. It is a thriving metropolis. Why the hell couldn’t I have been stationed here?
We met Maggie, Lisa and Ben - Cedar and Carrie arrived later. We walked to the Bavaria B&B where we are going to have Thanksgiving on Saturday. It is owned by Patrick, a PCV from Nam12 who left after a year because of the Angolan war. He returned to Rundu, married a local and bought a hotel. It’s very small but it’s a very cool place. If I stay in the area, ya’ll will end up staying at this place when you visit - cause it’s only about 150 per person, per night. That’s 150 Namibian which is about 25 bucks a night! It also has a pool. A pool! A beautifully tiled, crystal clear watered, honest-to-God, POOL! I will be doing a lot of swimming tomorrow.
We then got a ride to the only store left open to buy some stuff for dinner. It is ‘Mexican’ night and we were making tortillas, beans, rice, cheese (actual cheese), and salsa. We actually handmade the tortillas (we rolled them out NOT with a ‘roller’ but with the wooden penis the health people get for condom demonstration). I was in charge of baking them in a skillet while other people made the salsa and cooked the rice. We sat down and had a few words of thanks, a moment of silence for all the members of Nam26 who have left since their journey began (14 at this point, 2 recently for smoking pot - all the members of Nam26 HATE the new country director of PC, lol) and dug in. It was so amazing to sit around and feel welcome with these people who we JUST met. There is something that happens between PCVs - the common exp., the understanding - that makes us all best friends from the beginning.
There are only 2 beds here so most of us slept on the floor. I don’t have sleeping back yet, so I am on the floor. Thank God I have my pillow and a towel for a blanket. Welcome to the Peace Corp!
Saturday, Nov. 24:
How do I even begin to explain this day. I slept fairly well on the floor, but still awoke around 4:45 which is becoming routine for me. We started cooking/baking for the Thanksgiving feast early. It was interesting seeing how adaptable everyone had become to the food that is available to cook with and the actual cooking utensils (i.e. Stove, spatula, etc.) I helped peel potatoes with a steak knife and after they were cooked, mashed them with the same ‘wooden penis’ that we used to flatten the tortillas the night before. We ended up making 2 pies (apple and mango) - in a sense, stuffing, squash, mixed vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots) and mashed potatoes. Patrick, the guy hosting the place, had actually gotten a hold of 2 turkeys from South Africa and his wife baked a mango tart and cornbread. They picked us up around 1 and we headed over.
Did I mention the place that Patrick owns I beautiful? Lush trees and green plans everywhere, surrounding a wonderfully tiled pool and hut where we drank and ate. Well, they drank and I ate, lol. I did have a glass of wine and at one point, found myself smiling very widely - I was in the pool, head back (basking in the sun), drinking a glass of chilled red wine in a chipped glass….it was surreal. We chilled and swam most of the day and then Cedar had a very special surprise birthday planned for Carrie. I found myself getting teary-eyed. He had carved many gifts out of things you find lying around. All the gifts (25, since she was turning 25) were small but each significant in their own way. Each one had SO much meaning behind it. He even had fudge that he had bought 6 months before because there is only one place in Namibia you can purchase that sort of thing. It’s interesting how resourceful one can become when you have NOTHING at your disposal.
Finally the turkeys were cooked and we all stuffed ourselves in usual Thanksgiving fashion. Some locals who were friends of Patrick’s stopped by and I met a guy from England, who was a VSO years ago and married a Namibian woman as did Patrick. He had an amazing accent and as he become drunker and drunker, the accent became thicker. We had a most interesting conversation and I discovered that his wife’s family is from Mpungu - the isolated place I am supposed to live.
The night wore on and we grew tired and sleepy. We walked back to Maggie’s and found our little corners of the floor to sleep. All in all, it was a most perfect day in Namibia.
Sunday, Nov. 25:
Again, my sleep was interrupted by many phone calls in the night and people stumbling around trying to find the bathroom. We got up around 8, had some breakfast and then some of the gang walked us to our hike point. This was our first real test at hiking on our own. It’s basically just like it sounds - hang out on the side of the road and wave at people heading in your direction, hoping they will stop and give you a (free) lift to your destination.
I sat at the side of the road for about 15 minutes before Cedar came over and suggested I wait with the others at the gas station. That way, you could confront people while they were filling up and ask for lifts. I had basically just sat my stuff down when I walked up to this guy and asked where he was headed. ‘Katima’, came the reply and so I asked if I could ride with them as far as Divundu. They said sure, I’d just have to ride in the back. No problem, lol - just that we aren’t supposed to. I did anyways and the trip was nice. I should have put on some sunscreen though because my legs and face are pretty fried and I’ve been trying hard to avoid that. I don’t want to be a big peeling mess.
Halfway here, Paul texted me to let me know he was in Andora at the hospital because of an emergency with a friend. I had my ride drop me off there - they took me right to the hospital which was nice. I couldn’t’ find Paul at first so one of the attendants took me another PCV’s place. I then met Mary and Mark from Nam26. She is stationed there and Mark is a few kilos away. I waited there for Paul and then we snagged a hike to his center. Can I just say I’m tired of lugging all this stuff around!!!
He has a nice place here, along the river. I was able to take a nice shower (I did have the option of taking a bath actually, lol) and do my laundry. He actually has a washer…well, an African version of a washer that is. I just finished watching ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ which has been the highlight of my day. I’m still not exactly comfortable with the heat and no one here seems to like using a fan. What is up with that?
I’m still on the fence about my site. Everyone I run into who is living in remote areas seem to love it and say they wouldn’t trade it for the world. I believe them to be a lot stronger than I am. I’m still having issues with the isolation. I realize it’s me, but am I willing to ‘force’ myself to deal with it in order to grow from it? I’m not sure if I’m strong enough. It will just be so hard not to be able to contact people whenever I am feeling lonely. All these people in the remote areas at least of cell phone capability. The fear of isolation mixed with the days upon days with nothing to do really does frighten me. Stir crazy doesn’t even come close to what I feel I would experience out there. As I sit here with my burnt legs and face with no fan to keep myself cool, I continue to wonder if I am built for this. Any amount of excitement about being here is dwindling. All the others seem so gung-ho about their sites and the future ahead. All I feel is anxiety and loneliness. Is it time for me to be realistic about this and decide whether or not to stay? Or is this the hard part about ‘growth’ that I am running from? Can I return to the states and find something tangible to do with my life where I feel I’m accomplishing something on the big scale without the Peace Corps. Experience? Where is the line between facing your demons and being realistic about your self?
Monday, Nov. 26:
I forgot to mention yesterday that Robin and Ashley arrived very late. They were accompanied the rest of the Caprivi gang. It was good to see Jeff and Griffin - they were equally excited to see me. Jeff looked like he had had a REALLY rough week, I’m sure we’ll talk about it later. We all have to hike 9-10 hours to Okahandja on Friday.
Today was sort of ‘unfulfilling’. I was able to sleep in a little, then the girls and I watched some back episodes of ‘Lost’ and eventually we headed over to Paul’s office for him to give us a piece of a ‘day in the life’ of a health care worker. We discovered, as I had thought and feared, that a majority of the time (even 1 year until service) is spent sitting in the office doing nothing. He was researching quotes for a proposal via the internet - of course, I don’t have internet access at my site. Am I whining again? Yes.
He then gave us a tour of the site which includes 2 guest houses that are open to the public. They are along the river and have outdoor barbeques and porches. The GREAT thing about them, is that they are only 80 and 60 a night. Namibian!!! That’s like 10 and 13 dollars American. So, needless to say, whenever someone comes to visit me…we HAVE to head over to Vic Falls. On the way, we’ll spend a night here.
We cooked lunch, napped, chilled, watched some more episodes of ‘Lost’, cooked dinner, watched more, then went to bed around 9:30. Overall uneventful but pleasant just the same.
Tuesday, Nov. 27:
Another somewhat uneventful day. I think I’ve finally adjusted to the idea that as a health volunteer, there is nothing set in stone. We have to create our job from nothing. Now, I realize I knew this information going into this. What I’m learning about myself is….I ENJOY A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF STRUCTURE. I think I had hoped that I would come to another country and just step into a job and start working for 2 years. There is a LOT more freedom in this position than that and I’ve discovered that freedom can be a little daunting. My biggest fear now is having ‘nothing to do’ and sitting around trying to fill the hours between when I get up and when I go to bed. Hell, that is why I joined the PC in the first place - I was tired of JUST doing that.
We went grocery shopping, Paul got his hair cut (the Namibian salon is something to see) - it cost him 13 dollars (Namibian), we took pictures of some trash sites (Paul is working on a community clean-up project) and then hiked back to the site. We watched some Lost, I sat by the river a bit (continually watching for snakes), took a nap and make plans/reservations to go on a short safari tomorrow. It began to storm and the electric went out and there was literally NOTHING we could do. We sat around and talked for a few hours by flashlight and then headed to bed around 9. It was SO pitch black because there was only a partial moon that it, along with the rain, made falling to sleep very easy.
Wednesday, Nov. 28:
Okay, so today was amazing. I had a few hours to kill before meeting the others for the safari so I had breakfast, did some laundry, met Thomas (Paul’s supervisor) and then headed up the road at 10:30. We piled in the van and got to momentarily catch up with the other guys from Caprivi. The van’s took us to the Mahongo Lodge, stationed along the Kavango river. This place is spectacular! Cozy little bungalows tucked away among palm trees and shrubs. A beautifully tiled pool just up the hill from the boat slips.
I was costing us 450 Namibian for the day. The day included the time at the lodge, swimming, lunch, the safari and then dinner. 450 is only about 65-70 bucks American - so guys, when you come visit….we’ll be staying there a night. The safari itself started out a little slow and boring, seeing only a few animals and most of the big ones (like hippos) from far away. As the day wore on though and as it turned to dusk…the bigger ones started emerging. We saw lots of giraffes, monkeys, impalas, storks, and fish eagles. They also took us to see a large tree (I’ll have to ask the name tomorrow), but the tree is close to 75 feet around and is 1250 years old! It was VERY cool. I hated the fact that people had carved their names and dates into the tree…but the oldest date I found was from 1970.
On our way out of the game park, we turned a corner and an entire pride of lions were right in front of us. This made the WHOLE day! To be within 20 feet of an actual lion and lionesses. I felt like I was in ‘Out of Africa’, lol. The lions were so magestic…they just casually sauntered out of the road and off to the side. Looking at us as if to say ‘what? Me move faster for you? Pishah!’
We returned to the lodge with about an hour to kill before dinner. A few people who had been on the safari before, had chosen to go on the boat ride down the river instead. Once they returned, it was time for another fantastic meal. The meal lead to drinking (by most of the youngins’) which lead to great conversation. I bonded harder with some of my group and made new friends with some of the group that’s already been here a year. It really is strange to me how fast people become friends in the PC. It’s as though we all understand each other on a fundamental level and it allows us to move directly into a deeper relationship without most of the superficial/initial work. Mary, a 62 year old volunteer, is fast becoming a good friend. She has basically asked me to leave my site and join her at hers’, lol. This night was fantastic - food, animals, conversation…..truly amazing.
Thursday, Nov. 29 - Friday, Nov. 30:
Okay, so I’m combining 2 days because I didn’t have time to journal yesterday and I’m WAY too tired this evening to make separate journal entries for 2 different days.
Yesterday was spent watching some Lost and then hiking over to Skyla’s place to prepare for dinner with Father Tom and the rest of the priests at the mission. I say hike, but since no cars were on the road at that time, we ended up walking at least 3 of the 7 kilos over there - with ALL our shit. ALL my shit ON my back. Needless to say, my boujiness (spelling Mark???) came through.
We hung out at her place, caught up with the rest of the PCVs and then had a nice dinner with the priests. The are from Poland and very funny. They smoke heavily and drink heavily and have a FLAT screen television with AMERICAN satellite television. They suck. I went to bed the minute I got home (on the floor mind you) because we were getting up at 5, in order to be out on the road hiking by 5:30.
So this morning, we got a hike to Rundu (5 of us) in about 15 minutes and met up with the others there at the petrol station. We ran into Wendy and she had a ‘combi’ all lined up. A ‘combi’ is basically a van with small seats that they CRAM people into for traveling. They try to get as many people as possible in each van in order to make more money. We started out with the 9 of us, plus a few locals. They actually kicked a few of the locals out of the van, to accommodate us (I found that slightly uncomfortable). We headed out around 9:30. We arrived in Grootfontein about 3 hours later where the driver proceeded to take on more passengers. He was expecting us in the back seat who were already crowded with 3 people, to squeeze in a 4th. We told him there was NO room and he basically told us if we didn’t MAKE room, he’d charge us for the extra seat. Catch-22. So on of our guys crammed into the back with us while the new girl got her own seat. SHE was able to fall asleep over the next 4 ½ hours of the trip while WE in the back seat had to alternate between leaning forward and back, allowing everyone to have proper shoulder and ass room. I was NOT feeling this, but I managed to make it through. 12 hours from the time I left Divundu, I arrived back in Okahandja. We will be here until Tuesday and then I’ll head to Grootfontein for 4 weeks of shadowing. I am not looking forward to spending my favorite holiday with a family I don’t even know.
I am still planning on having a chat with my APCD about my site. I really do NOT want to return there and after hearing everyone else’s story and finding others who aren’t completely comfortable with THEIR site, I’m REALLY okay with how I’m feeling about mine.
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