The First 20 Days...

Okay guys, sorry it's taken me so long to update you with my travels, but have been staying at some pretty remote places without even cell reception. Here is a brief account of the last 20 days...enjoy.

Nick and I had planned for about 4 months to spend the first month of our trip with my friend Kris - a VSO from England. She has a car and Nick offered to pay for the petrol. Sadly, 3 days before we planned on leaving (12/9), Kris had a family emergency and had to travel home. She even went out of her way to see if we could still take the car and then leave it somewhere in Zambia for her to pick up. She's a doll and I'm gutted that I don't get to spend this time with her.
So, Nick and I started hiking out of Windhoek, early in the morning on the 9th of December. It took FOREVER for us to get a lift. We knew that 2 guys hiking together (especially the 2 of us) would be difficult, but shit! After standing around for about 3 hours we got a lift as far as the airport (towards Gobabis). It was with a traffic cop who actually starting tracking someone who was speeding and instead of letting us off at the road, raced into the airport in order to confront the guy and give him a ticket. Quite a way for us to start our adventure.

We then walked back out to the road and sat in the blazing sun (NO SHADE ANYWHERE) for another few hours til we caught a free ride to Gobabis. There we sat outside a grocery and had something to eat and refilled our water bottles. Then it was off to hike to the border. We caught a ride with a tattooed, German truck driver. The going was slow, but safe. We got to the border around 5 pm (a 10 hour hike day) and decided to sleep there at the rest camp for the night. We had hoped to make it to Maun, Botswana in one day, but oh well.

The next morning we sat outside the border post until we caught a ride to Ghanzi. I had a little fight with the woman in the car because she never mentioned money but once we got out she tried to get some from us. I just waved her away and said sorry. We THEN sat outside a petrol station for about 4 hours trying to get a lift to Maun. We were NOT having a good time with hiking, that's for sure. While waiting, we ran into 3 PCVs from South Africa who had just come from there and were heading south.

We finally offered 2 guys 50 rand each to take us to Maun. We climbed in and fell asleep. As soon as we got to the vetrinary border crossing, their car broke down - literally. We then sat there for another hour, trying to catch a ride with anyone passing through. Finally, a policeman threw us in the back of his car and took us to town. Once there, we bought some food at Shoprite and caught a taxi to Old Bridge Backpackers.

This place is beautiful! Set right alongside the Okavanjo Delta. It's lush and clean and cool with all the trees. The first night we treated ourselves to a luxury tent and then camped the remainder of the time there. We spent some extra money and did a 'mokoro' trip into the delta to actualy camp on one of the islands and do a safari walk the next day. It was breathtaking! Our guide was a local who was really outspoken and we talked alot about how he could upgrade his business and make more money for himself and his family. Once a Peace Corps Volunter, always one, I suppose. During this time we befriended Gonzolo (from Portugal) and 2 other couples - 1 from Canada and the other from Cape Town (sorry I can't remember their names). Once back at Old Bridge we relaxed for a day and went into Maun to check out the city. Typical small African town. What was funny though was that some strange girl approached me and said I owed her money because I didn't pay for the ride to Ghanzi the other day. Small world...she must have been a relative of the woman who gave us a lift and because she knew where we were going, called ahead to have her people look out of us, lol.

Since we had learned out lesson about hiking, we booked the bus to Gabs (Gabarone) to crash at Joe's place. 12 hours later, exhausted, we arrive and walk to Joe's flat. He is a PCV from Bots who lives in a guest house of an American Embassy employee. It was great! He had a swimming pool AND washer/dryer. We hung out an extra day to wash clothes and relax.

From there we took a taxi to the taxi rink south, then a taxi to the border to cross into South Africa. At the border we met an Afrikaaner named Schulk (yes, Schulk) who gave us a ride to Vryberg and then 60k outsides heading towards Kimberly. We stopped for lunch and he actually paid for ours. I tell ya...the kindness of strangers. Once again, we sat by the side of the road for seveal hours and only got a short ride (a couple of k) to an Engin (petrol station). We tried to hike there but eventually it got dark and we crashed at a rest camp - that was FORTUNATELY located right next to the petrol station. The owners were nice and I believe if we had talked to them about money, they would have let us stay for free but they weren't there in the morning when we left, so we paid R300 and went to the road.

Again, after a few hours, we caught a ride to Kimberly. That place SUCKED!!! We tried for hours to get a lift and finally tracked down a combi to get us to Bloemfontein. We had been told it was difficult to hike in South Africa due to the racist, but I didn't think it would be that bad. Black people didn't pick us up because of the former white oppression and whites didn't pick us up out of fear of being robbed. Damn.

Once in Bloemfontein, we found the cheapest hotel we could, showered and walked to the mall. There we got gelato (YEAH!!!) and bought some peanut butter for dinner. We are REALLY trying to do this 5 months as cheaply as possible so it's PB&J, tuna fish sandwiches and when we stay at hostels or somewhere we can cook, it's spaghetti and sauce or rice and chakalaka. We have so far been eating for under 1 US dollar per meal. Pretty damn good. A couple of times a week we treat ourself to some local food.

That evening we decided to walk to 2nd avenue (where all the bars are) and have a drink. There we met 2 girls from SA and a German guy and hung out with them for a bit. We ended up playing pool at some club until later, then walking back to the hotel. OH, we also discovered that Bloem was the birthplace of JRR Tolkien and since Nick is even a bigger geek than I, we went on a search for his home...to no avail (Nick shed a tear, I think).

The next morning we walked to the taxi rink (with the help of some stranger), paid and signed in and caught a ride to Maseru (or at least the Lesotho border). We walked into town (CHAOS!), bought some food and caught another combi to Roma where we camped at Trader's Post for the night. There was some sort of celebration going on and some people kept buying us beers cause they thought we looked exhausted...well, we were! I ended up judging a dancing contest while swimming in the pool. We met a guy named Andre (from Jburg) who was heading to Semonkong the next day, so we caught a ride with him. I know we don't have a hostel/backpacking type of culture in the US but it's awesome. You end up meeting so many kindred spirits and many times, either catching transport with someone or traveling with them for a bit.

The next morning we began the 65k trek to Semonkong through a very twisty, windy gravel road UP into the mountains. It took about 3.5 hours to get there but the scenery was amazing! We stayed at the Semonkong lodge for the next 3 days. On the 2nd day, Nick and Andre went abseiling (repelling) down the world's highest abseil. It's right next to the falls around the same height as Victoria Falls. I would have done it but just decided to save some money oh that, and my fear of heights, lol. I walked 3k to the rim to take pics across from the actual falls and then hiked down to the base to wait for them so we could swim and have lunch. The hike down was treacherous and I slipped many times. At the bottom, I watched them come down the side of the mountain (jealous). They then left me, instead of coming further down to swim. I found out later the guy rushed them a bit and neither of them felt comfortable making him wait. Oh well. I had lunch and then thought I'd be a bit clever. I saw a different way up and looked quicker, though more difficult. Ha ha ha...I should have just went back the way I came.

After an hour going just about straight up, having to stop every 10 minutes from exhausted, I arrived at the top, only to discover it doesn't go all the way up, but instead back down the other side. I was literally trapped. I had to quickly face the fact that I had to go back down the way I had just come. Pissed. That would describe how I was feeling. Oh, that and my legs were WASTED!!!!

I eventually made it back to the bottom, rest about 20 minutes then hiked back up the original trail. It seemed to take forever and my legs were like jello. Once at the top, I had a 3k hike BACK to the camp!!! I was gutted. I kept telling myself LEMON TWIST, LEMON TWIST (it's a soft drink I've grown to love here). It's the ONLY thing that kept me putting one foot in front of the other.

That evening Andre braiied and we made lentils and chapatis and together had a fantastic dinner. He also broke out his Didj and I tried a bit to make a note...with some mediocre success.

The next day was spent completely chilling out. Nick and I walked into town and bought some bread and then met up with the PCV who is stationed there later, at the lodge pub. That night I decided to sleep in the dorm cause it had been getting very cold after dark and I was having trouble staying warm. I had not planned on being places where it was this chilly and so 1 pair of flannel pjs was NOT cutting it.

In the morning, we woke at 1/2 past 4 to begin the drive out. Equally as beautiful but was glad it was over 3 hours later. Andre decided to exit Lesotho in Maseru instead of Pika, so we got out there and caught a combie to Butha-Buthe. From there we figured it wouldn't take long to catch another one to Mokhotlong and crash there for the night. Again, we were sadly mistaken. The ride took us first to Maputsoe, where we then had to get another combie to BB. Once there, no one was going to Makohotlong so we thought just take one to Muela and catch another there. WRONG!!! At Muela, there were NO taxis, so we walked along the road for a bit, flagging down cars to no avail. What we realized is that combis typically only pick people up at town points. By the time they pass us, they are completely full.

We then had a choice...find a place to camp by the road or make our way BACK to Butha-Buthe...we chose the latter. Back in town, we read in our Lonely Planet that there was a 'magical' hostel we MUST stay in for R30 a night. Ok. Well, first we couldn't find a taxi to take us the 4k to the place for under 100 rand. I was NOT about to pay that. We then started walking along the road to the place when a taxi said they would take us for R20. The road WAS shitty but still, R100? Once there we were greeted by an old woman who's only English was '100 Rand'. Well, I was a bit pissed cause that's a huge difference in price from what we thought it would be. When she showed us the room, I was even more pissed. No electricity, no running water, gas stove, latrines outside. Now listen, I'm not snobby or anything but if I am going to pay that much to stay somewhere, I at least want to take a shower.

We sat in the room for about 30 minutes trying to decide whether to hike back the 4k to town and find something else, or suck it up and stay. We sucked. Nick went and pumped some water to drink while I bucket-bathed. We then made some rice, took some fun pics (as you can see), had dinner and played some spite & malice. The next morning we walked into town (caught a free lift 1/2 way) and grabbed a combi to Mokhotlong. It was a LONG day. Once there, we tried to find a bus to Sani Top Pass. We discovered that NO one goes there, only some people pass through on the way to Underberg. They charged the same fare for dropping us at Sani as they did if we went all the way through. CHEATERS!!! lol.

The 50k trip from M to Sani was like a rollercoaster ride. Dirt road, hardly room for one let alone 2 cars to pass one another and our driver was going about 90k an hour. When a local woman on the bus starts gasping with shock at how close we are coming to the edge of the drop off, you know it's a rough ride.

Upon arrival to Sani Pass we were greeted with one of the greatest views I've had yet. We were actually ABOVE the clouds...looking down on them!!! It was beyond breathtaking.

We spent Christmas here, at the Highest Pub in Africa and even met a guy who looked JUST Like Santa on that afternoon. Guess we know what he does after a long night! We met an Italian guy, Franco, who is spending a 2 months backpacking around southern Africa and he hung out with us there and has since followed us to Durban. Though it was my 3rd Christmas away from home and yes, I laid in bed Christmas eve listening to music on my IPOD and tearing up, I was happy to be in such a beautiful place. It was very cold and we found ourselves in front of a fireplace, playing cards on the special day. Not much different than if I was home...to be honest.

The day after Christmas, we were heading down the pass. Unbeknownst to us, it was yet another African holiday (Family Day) and NO one, NO combis, were heading down. We were forced to actually HIKE down the 8k of winding road. It was rough and I think the 3 of us kept hoping that someone would eventually come along and find space for us. Only 1 car in 2 hours and it happened to be Santa (lol) who had no room in his sleigh. At the base, we went through the check point to SA, hung around in the shade of a willow tree until we caught a ride to Underberg with some Afrikaaners.

Once there, we treated ourselve to a real lunch at the Lemon Tree restaurant, then walked to the combi rink. We waited there about 30 minutes before catching one to Pietermaritzberg. There, we caught a ride to Durban. A VERY long day and though Nick and I have sworn to not travel more than 5 hours or 250k per day, we ended up doing it again.

In town, we made our way to Banana Backpackers and settled in for the night. We will be here until tomorrow morning where we'll make our way to St. Lucia for a day or two. It's dreary and overcast but I am happy to be by the ocean.

From St. Lucia we will make our way through Swaziland and up to Maputo for New Years and my birthday. I hope to keep you guys updated for frequently but it just depends on my internet access. We will be in Moz for about 2 weeks where we will catch up with Eric, Natalie and Heather and make our way to Malawi and then Zanzibar via Tanzania.

Peace!

Dave

PS. I have posted TONS of pics on FACEBOOK, so check em' out!!!

Final Blog Entry for a bit...

Wednesday, October 28 - Friday, November 13:
The rest of this week was spent getting excited about Halloween. It was everything I had hoped for. Great fun with the other PCVs. Sarah and I went as off duty, naked calendar models but after a few hours it was just her and I naked. That turned into other people getting naked. It was quite fun. Also, Shimon arrived in Rundu that day. He had planned on coming to visit me at site for a few months but things kept getting in the way.
The week here with him was great. I ate better than I had in a long time and it was good just to have someone around to talk to and bounce some stuff off. As I wind down my time here and the ‘reflection’ starts, I find myself leaning…ever so slightly, into that self berating thing that I am so good at. Fortunately, 2 years in the bush has taught me some things and I don’t stay in that place very long. It also helped that Shimon tends to be a caregiver and is continually lifting me up. Perfect timing with the visit.
Shimon left this past Sunday and this was a week of finalizing things. Tuesday and Wednesday were my last OVC classes. I then went to Nkurenkuru on Thursday in order to exchange some ‘sizes’ things from the OVC points and also see how much more money I had to spend for the bookmark project. My friends really outdid themselves and I have to find a way to leave the money with someone here in Mpungu so that their school fees can be paid for the next few years. Maybe Miss Shivute?
I ended up spending another 3,000 Rand and buying sweaters to go with the school uniforms, more soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, file folders and some sweets. Once back here, I spent a few hours organizing everything and moving it to the room where I will distribute tomorrow morning. It’s going to be a blast, I just want to make sure I get enough photos and video of all the kids so I can make a slideshow to send home. This project has been my favorite of anything I’ve done and though it’s not the most sustainable (except for the 3 years of school fees), it will still leave a lasting impression on the OVCs that participated in it.

Saturday, November 14 - Thursday, November 19:
The day I had been waiting for, for quite some time was finally here. Today I was distributing all the stuff that was purchased with the bookmark project monies. Of course, the kids showed up like 2 hours early. I had the morning completely mapped out and had made some last minute changes to the itinerary the night before.
We first all got together and I showed them pictures of people that had bought their bookmarks. Some of them even recognized their own handy work. I also read a personal letter from a women who had bought one from Mbundu, Joanna. We then took a group photo. I then passed out the uniforms, got individual pics, and had them go change. We then took some group photos and some individual fun ones. I then recorded if some needed different sizes. Out of all the shopping I did, I only had to exchange 3 pairs of shoes and 1 skirt. Pretty damn good if you ask me.
I then had them make thank you cards for Unity since they raised the most money. It would have been too labor intensive to have them each make cards for each person who helped in the project. I am making photo slide shows on DVDs to send back to everyone. I just wanted to do something extra special for the church. When finished, I acted as if we were through and I said goodbye. It took a moment for someone to ask about bookbags. I said, what bookbags? Lol. I then presented the bags and made them wait until everyone had theirs before opening them. When they opened, they went crazy. It seriously was like their first Christmas. They had never in their lives received so much stuff AND at one time. Their reactions were priceless.
I then took more photos and individual videos of them saying thank you. The videos didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped. Once again, I said we were finished and as they started to walk away, I said NOT YET. I then presented them with the blankets and they lost it once again. This time, I lost it as well. Their excitement really choked up me.
The rest of the day I relaxed and got read for the movie at the school. My hope was to make around 150 bucks to ‘refuel’ the feeding program monies. Well, it was a bust - for whatever reason. We only had about 30 kids show up and spent most of the night fighting to keep them from sneaking in. Almost not worth the trip.
Sunday I chilled and as expected, answered the door many times to people stopping buy asking for stuff for themselves or their child. I knew it would happen after Saturday and I purposely waited to as close to me leaving as possible. It’s fine. Pretty low key day besides that. Oh, I did also start packing - taking everything off the walls, going through papers, throwing things away, deciding what was going to be shipped home. It was such a purge.
Monday I hiked to Nkurekuru to exchange the final stuff and buy food for the party on Wednesday. It took much longer than usual to get a hike back. I came back and did some more cleaning on the flat. Also, the boys stopped by. They’ve been doing it everyday for the last few weeks. It’s been nice but occasionally I just want to be in my own space.
Tuesday I baked the strawberry chocolate chip cookies for the party and organized the games for the day. They were going to play around 10 games and earn points. Then, from highest to lowest, they would pick from prizes - the prizes being all my leftover shit, lol. The boys came by of course but I had to ward them off.
Wednesday kids showed up about 3 hours too early for the party. It made me laugh. Then of course, I kept seeing the storm clouds roll in. it has only rained a few times this season and wouldn’t ya know it, it comes POURING down exactly at 1:00 when the party was going to start. It all worked out though. When it let up a little I transferred the food over to the room, Yvonne helped me serve everyone and they loved it. Fried chicken, rice, pasta, NIK-NAKs, cookies and soda. Many had gotten used to my parties and brought containers for leftovers.
After eating, the rain had let up a bit and we went outside to start the games. They had a BLAST. We had water balloon toss, egg in spoon race, fill the jar race, a balloon relay, match 5, pick an egg. It was so much fun. The rain ended up coming back but that didn’t dampen their spirits. We got soaked and laughed our way through it.
Once points were tallied, everyone picked their prizes and seemed happy. I then presented each of them with one of my fused glass necklaces and a laminated photo of myself with my address and email in the states. I made a speech about how much each of them meant to me and what I got out of the OVC group. They then said they wanted to sing me a song. Well, that did it. I just started sobbing. I kept trying to hold it back but I couldn’t. I’m sure it was one of the most interesting cultural exchanges they’ve ever had, lol. The boys were sort of embarrassed and wouldn’t look me in the eye. The girls were fascinated by my crying and just kept staring as they were singing. When it was all over I requested a hug from each of them and they left. The last girl to leave was Katoma, Elizabeth. She is the youngest and smallest girl in the group. She walked back over to me and said goodbye and hugged me again. It was amazing. Bliss.
I sat there in the room for a few minutes by myself just letting out all the tears and emotion. I knew the boys were waiting for me just outside the door. They honored me but not saying anything and allowing me to have my space. It was a good ‘letting go’.
Today I’ve just been doing dishes, cleaning the old room, finishing up last minute typing of reports for the clinic, printing out Lonely Planet documents for the upcoming trip and watching movies with the boys. Jafet stopped by and decided to take it upon himself to steal 2 large rubber erasers. I could see him doing it out of the corner of my eye - he was being so sly getting them into his pants. I knew the perfect way to catch him and ‘punish’ him. I waited for a bit - actually longer than a bit because I got a call from the states. But I grabbed him jokingly and held him upside down. The erasers of course fell out and he was caught. I asked him why he would steal from me and he kept denying it and saying they were his. I took off his pants and underwear and locked him outside my front door. It initially was quite funny because he was laughing and SO embarrassed. But as the minutes wore on and he realized he wasn’t getting his clothes back, the laughter turned to tears. Well, I could only handle so much of that. Finally, I relented and gave him his clothes, but I did tell him he wasn’t allowed back in my house. We’ll see how long that lasts…

Friday, November 20 to Saturday, November 28:
Friday I held the last movie at the church. I decided it would be a free one - what the hell. Saturday was our final HIV event that I was going to be a part of. It went well but we didn’t have the attendance we had hoped. Afterwards I said my goodbye to the group. It wasn’t nearly as emiotional as saying goodbye to the kids. I think the adults were mainly waiting for me to give them something - how Namibian. That evening was supposed to be the second attempt at my going away party at the clinic. It was cancelled once again. Oh well. I hung out with the boys.
Sunday, I went to church to say goodbye. It as well was uneventful. I said all the things I wanted to say but then the pastor came later to inform me of the things I SHOULD have said, lol. Sunday I spent finishing up packing and cleaning. The boys hung out most of the day. That evening I cooked dinner for Ruben and I and we hung out.
The day I left wasn’t as emotional as I thought. A few people stopped by to say goodbye and see me one last time. My ride to Nkurenkuru fell through twice and I ended up having to find my own. The strangest - yet most intimate - goodbye was when Ruben left. We were hugging and he wouldn’t let go. He kept telling me how much I meant to him and how much he would miss me. Then he leaned in and kissed me. Passionately! It wasn’t just a kiss on the cheek. I responded in kind and we macked for about 15 minutes. No words were spoken. I was a bit confused but the kiss felt good and right so I just kept going. I’m not sure if it was his way of coming out to me or maybe he figured me out and thought it was what I needed to say goodbye. I just don’t know. But, do I really need to?
Monday night was spent in Nkurenkuru with the Stephens and Sarah. It was really nice. Didn’t sleep that much that night and got up early the next day for the long haul to Windhoek. It took about 9 hours because of various stops. I arrived at Shimon’s around 4:30, exhausted and wiped out. I showered, had dinner and slept.
The last couple of days have been running around accomplishing PC stuff. Exit interviews, closing bank accounts, paperwork, etc. I did manage to get everything done in 2 days, so officially I am done with PC service. Unfortunately I am still stuck here until the 3rd which is my COS date and then stuck here until the 9th cause that’s when the next big leg begins. I won’t be updating my blog because I won’t have my computer. I will be forced to handwrite in my journal…what the hell? Lol

Sunday, November 29 to Sunday, December 6:
The past week has just been hanging in Windhoek, gathering a few visas from embassies and saying goodbye to PCVs. This past weekend, Nick and I went to Mariental to spend some time talking about the trip with Eric. It’s f’n hot there! I’m so glad I was not stationed in the south. We are back in Windhoek until Wednesday and then the journey begins. Not sure how often I will be able to log on and update you guys, but I will try my best. For now, this is me, signing off.

What the F?

My mind is no where NEAR what it used to be after melting in the African sun. I honesly can't believe I haven't posted since June!!! Like I said, what the f? Well, here goes...

Friday, May 29 - Wednesday, June 10:
The past few weeks have been a lot of the same ol’ same ol’. I finally released all the stress around our garden. I gave up all control to them. I explained that for a year we have been trying to get a garden going but no one has taken ownership. Everyone comes up with excuses when it comes time to water. From now on, those interested in being a part of the garden, will have their own individual plots. Thus, if they don’t water and care for their plots and the crop dies, they don’t get any more seeds. The highlight of the past few weeks was being able to fly a kite. That sounds silly, eh? I had been sent 2 great kites from my friend Peter and never had a day with a good wind to get it off the group. The other day it was gusty and perfect. The best part about it, was that a Sans man happened to walk by and was mesmerized by the whole thing. I gave him the string and let him control it. His eyes lit up and his smile broadened. I will never take the phrase ‘go fly a kite’ lightly again.

Thursday, June 11 - Tuesday, June23:
Monotony…routine… As I close in on 5 remaining months, I find myself running out of things to do. Between now and August, I must release control over my main projects and slip into a supportive role for my last 3 months. I need to make sure they are running on their own without any help from me. That everyone is thinking for themselves. That also means that the last 3 months will be REALLY boring. I have decided to finish the Rukwangali dictionary that I started last year AND seeing that yesterday a bulldozer knocked down a couple dead trees AND the building we had started demolishing a year ago, I’ve decided that I will re-visit my clinic beautification project.
As things start to come down to the wire, I have - a few times - gone to that dark, comparing, ‘did I do everything I could’, ‘I’m such a failure’ place. I quickly sms’ed some friends and they brought me out quickly. I refuse to leave here thinking I didn’t do enough or should have done something better. I have done everything to the best of my ability and the lives of these people are changed because of it. I have faith in that. I NEED to have faith in that.

Wednesday, June 24 - Monday, July 13:
It’s really that my life hasn’t become so busy that I cannot keep up with my journaling. Seriously. That’s not it. It’s more that this is just my life now and the things that used to ‘stand out’ in a given day or make life more interesting are now just a part of the ordinary. From time to time, small things occur that remind me that I’m actually living in Africa and I can’t just get in my car and drive to Wendy’s for a frosty.
I will mention something that struck me a few weeks…well, actually about a month ago. During NID (National Immunization Days) I helped out at the clinic keeping statistics and paperwork. I also took sweets with me and whenever it was time for a child to get a shot, I gave them candy. At one point I look up at the line of children waiting their turn and I see the cutest, most adorable little girl. She sees me and I smile big and her eyes twinkle and she smiles so big she has to close her eyes. She then turns her head into her mother’s dress to hide from embarrassment. This little girl is from a nearby San community. This little girl has Down’s Syndrome. It was so apparent to me. She lit up my WHOLE day! We played and joked with one another the entire time she was waiting and then she was gone.
I spent the rest of the day in such a funk. The realization of the life this little girl has ahead of her made me so incredibly sad. She already is living in one of the poorest communities within one of the poorest African countries. She then has a mental disability to boot. I’m sure her mother sees there is something different about her, but there is NO way she understands what it is or even if it was explained, would grasp the special attention this girl is going to need.
I had watched her mother - with all 4 children in tow - walk away from the clinic. She was treating the little girl like a piece of dirt on her dress. To her, she just has a daughter that doesn’t listen to what she says and is just a nuisance. I know the way things work here. This little girl is going to be ‘discarded’ emotionally. Her parents will continue to be frustrated with her and ignore her as she doesn’t advance like their other kids. People will get drunk and make fun of her. When she becomes a teenager and her body develops, she will become a target for some drunk fuck and she will be raped.
I realize how that sounds. It sounds as if I’m a pessimist and just seeing the absolute worst scenario I could possibly imagine. But the reality, is that it’s NOT far from the truth. This will be her life.
I’ve seen her a couple of times since then. I always drop what I’m doing and go to her and she raises her little hands for me to pick up. She just stares at me and smiles and touches my face with her filthy little fingers. I am falling in love with this little girl. I want to just pluck her up from her current reality and give her a better life. I realize when most people do this or consider doing this by adopting children from 3rd world countries, that it’s SUCH an American ego thing to do. Who are WE to decide that what we can give a child is ‘better’. Better than what? It’s US doing the comparison of our lives in the states to their lives in their own countries. BUT!!!!!!! I do have to say. In this particular case. I can’t imagine that anything I could give this child would be worse than the life she has ahead of her.
When I see things like this, it makes me question the existence of God. I consider myself a spiritual person and have always believed there is a higher power - call it whatever you want. Not a guy with a book and a #2 pencil, but a power just the same. I’ve also always believed that this power is all loving, just, tender and kind. But….how does something like this situation fit into the scheme of the world? How can the majority of the world go about it’s daily life, when THIS is going on in the world at the same time? It just confuses me.

Tuesday, July 14 - Saturday, July 18:
I’m sitting here, Saturday night, waiting for my vegetables to finish roasting and then settling in for dinner and a movie. Sounds like I’m back in the states actually. I’m having one of those moments where the weight of my experience here is weighing heavily down on me.
Have I done enough? Could I have done what I DID do better? Could I still do more? What will happen after I leave? Have I learned what I came here to? Do I have more growing to do? Oddly enough, I’ve been thinking about Mark. Not in the since that I am deeply missing him. I do miss him. More in the sense of thinking about our relationship. Heck, I’m actually thinking about ALL my past relationships. So new questions arise…why am I afraid to love? Afraid to accept love from someone else? Why is my self-esteem and worth so low? What can I do to change those things? AND…while I ponder those questions…revelations come forth. I am a strong, confident man. Secure in himself, his decisions, his actions…his life. Sort of a dichotomy.
I have promised myself that when I finish my PC service and return home, that I’m going to do and approach things very differently - ESPECIALLY relationships. I think back to the men I’ve dated and the majority of them REALLY, TRULY loved me. Loved me with all their heart. I’ve had A LOT of love thrown my way in my life. And for the most part, I’ve rejected it. I know most of the reasons why and I don’t want to rehash the same old shit. I just want to move forward. How does one do that? If I’ve learned from my past, how do I put it aside and move forward? Is it always something will just be hanging around - like the 3 people Russell Crowe kept seeing in ‘A Beautiful Mind’? Is that what our past is? Ghosts. Ghosts that haunt us until we die? Is it more about not giving them the power they used to have over us than it is about completely eliminating them?
I deserve love and happiness, just like everyone else. I do believe that. More so these days than ever before.
I guess I’m just trying to get to a place emotionally so that when I leave Mpungu Vlei on November 27, 2009 that I walk away crying with a smile on my face. Knowing with my whole heart that I did what I came here to do. Knowing that myself and those I leave behind have been touched by my presence here. Knowing that I did my best. Knowing that I leave behind many demons that I trampled in the isolation. Knowing that I am a stronger, more confident, more secure man that I was when I arrived. Knowing that I will return to the States a changed person. Knowing that I can give and receive love. Knowing that whatever lies ahead of me is going to be an amazing, powerful adventure. Knowing that I know….that I know.

Sunday, July 19 - Monday, July 27:
Couple highlights of the past week. First, and the best, is that Hogan now loves riding on my shoulders. You would think this would be a pretty standard place to put children under the age of 3. What I’ve discovered is that in Namibia, it is not. Just about everyone just laughs out loud when they see him and I walking around. The best part, is that when they laugh, he laughs. He has also decided that my head makes the perfect drum and just screams with delight as he bangs on it with his hands.
The other, and well I guess this is more of a low point, than a highlight…but it sticks out just the same. I’ve talked about the feeding program that we have been trying to get off the ground for a few months now. So far, it’s running smooth. We do come across snags from time to time and have worked through them. One of the biggest snags is that the managing catering company that ‘runs’ the kitchen keeps placing enforcing all these new rules. That’s fine. Cleanliness is important. Problem is, is that Lyambezi doesn’t monitor the actual kitchen staff when the company isn’t around and so when I try to enforce the rules with the 2 ladies running the feeding program, I get flack.
Well, I finally talked to them and said, no matter what anyone else does, let’s set the example. We don’t want to be kicked out for something stupid. They understood. And they have been. Well, yesterday, the head guy was here. Lyambezi informed me that we could no longer use the kitchen? When asked why, he said we weren’t following the rules. I was furious. I explained to him that we were. He had an idea to move the gas stove to another area so we wouldn’t be IN the kitchen.
He started talking to the manager again. I waited for a low point in the conversation to stand up for my women. I had only said a few words when the man started yelling at me and trying to make me feel like an ass. ‘Who are you to talk to me this way? I don’t even know you? You need to learn how things are done here! Don’t talk to me’. And other things. Also, never even acknowledging me or looking me in the face. Well…anyone who knows me KNOWS I don’t like confrontation like this and whe it happens, something in me snaps and I can’t keep my mouth shut. It took ALL MY CONTROL to not lash out at him. But…I swallowed my pride, kissed his ass for several minutes and resolved the issue. The issue was resolved in a few sentences which if he would have just listened to me from the get go, could have saved me feeling like shit. I have to say…it’s times like this I just want to give Namibia the finger and walk away. It’s times like this that my ego jumps in and says ‘HEY, I came 9,000 miles and gave up 2 years of my life to help this country out and this is how you treat me in return?’. I realize it’s a childish place to retreat to, but I’m only human and being so, I allow myself to go to those places from time to time - at least until I evolve to a place where I no longer need to. When will that be by the way?

Tuesday, July 28 - Sunday , August 16:
I am absolutely blown away at how fast time is moving here. I blink and 2 weeks have passed. Things have been going very well. A small hiccup from time to time, but otherwise, smooth. We finally got the projector back and the theater is up and running again, so that’s great! The big news is how the next 30 days of my life is going to go.
Tuesday, is our end of term OVC party, so I will be cooking most of the day tomorrow for that. I already backed one cake today. Wednesday I will pack and clean and prepare to depart Thursday. When Damien finishes school, we will travel to Rundu for the night, then head to the Cheetah Conservation Fund on Friday. We are going to spend the weekend monitoring cheetahs - and hopefully feeding some babies. I’m MORE excited for Damien having this experience than myself.
Sunday we will hike back to Rundu where I will put him on a bakki heading back to Mpungu. I will remain to prepare for teaching an HIV workshop the entire next week. The workshop ends on Friday and then I head to Ovamboland for holiday. My holiday will end in Windhoek on September 7 because I have my COS conference with PC on the 8th and 9th. On the 10th, Dar and I will head to the Okavango Delta in Botswana for a few days as I make my way back north. Once back in Namibia, I will stay in Divundu for a weeklong micro-garden workshop. I have to arrange transport in the next few days for the 3 colleagues of mine from Mpungu that will be meeting me there. That training ends on the 18th of September. My fear, is that the EWA conference that has been postponed since June, will then start on the 18th, which means I have to try and get the 4 learners from Mpungu to Rundu on the last day of the workshop that I’m attending in Divundu. Whew. I’m tired just thinking about it. I know it will all work out it’s just scary to think how packed the next 4 weeks are. Once I return to site, I have 2 months left. 2 months! Whew again.

Monday, August 17 - Sunday, August 23:
This past week has been very busy getting ready to leave on Thursday with Damien. I spent the rest of Sunday baking one of the orange cakes and then Monday baking the other and cooking the lentil curry and pasta salad for the OVC Party on Tuesday. Tuesday rolled around and it was exhausting and yet the most fun I’ve had in quite some time. We had a water balloon toss, played a Rukwangali version of Pictionary that I made and ate and watched a movie. The kids had a blast!
Wednesday was a day of tying up loose ends. I tried to make sure everything was set - the movie theater, the feeding program, etc - to run smoothly while I was gone. With everything in order, I felt comfortable leaving for a month.
Thursday, I finished packing and waited for Damien to get done with his exams at school so we could head to the hike point. Around 9:30 he arrived, we loaded up and headed out. Within a few minutes of just walking on the road, we snagged a ride to Nepara. Within moments of there, we caught a ride to Nkurenkuru. I was very excited for Damien to be with me because that was as far as he’s ever been his whole life.
Once we were on our hike to Rundu, it was great fun watching him watch everything! He’d never even seen a tarred road before. Once there, we dropped our stuff off at the TRC and then walked into town to get him some lunch. He was taking everything in. We ate and then bought some groceries for the hike the next day. I’ve been worried about trying to free hike with him - not sure how it was going to work. We ran into Rachel and Caleb who, we found out, had a ride to Groot the next day and the ride was going all the way to Windhoek, so Damien and I were set for Otjiworongo.
Friday, we arrived there fairly quick and met up with Rachel and Kami who were also doing the waterhole count. We hung around Otji for a few hours until Nick and the staff came to pick us up. We made it out to the Conservation just as it got dark, were treated to a great dinner and then some instructions for the next day. They we were taken to the camp to sleep.
Saturday, we were up very early in order to be transported to our particular waterhole. The place where Damien and I were going to be for the next 12 hours was the first stop. We made ourselves comfortable in our little building and began the wait. It wasn’t long before the first few foxes showed up. This was followed by warthogs. At first the warthogs were sort of interesting but throughout the day, and after a couple thousand of them arriving, they became old news.
The day was filled with surprises for both Damien and I. We saw a whole herd of Oryx - which are my favorite animal in the country. They are beautiful. We then saw some zebra and a few giraffes stopped by. They were the first Damien had ever seen. More than seeing the animals, I enjoyed spending the time with Damien. One on one - he and I spent a lot of time talking and he was very good at spotting the animals and letting me know what sex they were. I was disappointed that he didn’t get to see any cheetahs cause it’s all he talked about.
After 12 hours - which actually FLEW by, we were picked up and taken back to the main house where dinner was waiting. After a quick review of the day, we all crashed. Sunday, after breakfast, they took us on a brief tour of the place including getting to see a ‘running’ of the cheetahs. The younger ones were not allowed to go in because cheetahs can sense youth and because very aggressive - seeing them as prey. When we walked by the cages, I noticed one of the cheetahs keeping an eye on Damien so I was glad they pulled him out. It was still very thrilling for him to see them so close.
Afterwards, Nick had us stay around because he had something extra special for the PC group. We got to return to the pen with them and hang out a bit - petting them and having our pictures taken. Though I had done that before, it was still quite fun. When finished with that, Nick presented us with certificates and T-shirts for the 2 learners that came. Though Damien was overwhelmed and somewhat shy, I could tell he had a really good time over the past few days. We were then transported to Otjiworongo to hike back to Rundu. We got a lift really quick when we ran into Kerri on her way back from dropping off Cedar. We arrived too late for me to get Damien a ride back to Mpungu, so we just decided to send him back on Monday.

Monday, August 24 - Saturday, September 12:
I got up early wand walked Damien to the bakki ring, gave him money for the hike and said goodbye. I then went to the TRC to plan the first day of the HIV workshop. Though I was nervous about it, I was also excited because I was challenging myself. I’m glad I haven’t done a lot of workshops since I’ve been here because for me, they are quite boring…but this one was going to be fun.
The next week was spent about the same every day. The morning working on the plan for that afternoon, then spending 2 hours in the classroom with the group. They were a good group and after a few days, we had found our groove. The class went well and I was somewhat impressed with myself that I was able to sort of, pull it out of my ass.
Having not talked to Sarah about her specific plans, I was unaware that she and her cousin from England who was visiting, were heading to Oshikati on the back road. I had planned on hiking down on Monday, after spending the weekend with Kami at the Buffalo Game Park. I quickly changed my plan (for sake of a free ride) and switched my afternoon session with a morning one so I could hike back to Nkurenkuru and ride with them on Saturday.
It was fun to finally see that strip of road that I had stared at on the map for the last 2 years. I had been trying to get in touch with my friend Kris for the past few weeks - to no avail, so I was smsing Kengo and made plans to stay with him in Odangwa. At the last minute, Kris phoned and asked me to PLEASE stop by with the girls. We did and she had a little lunch set out for us. After eating, the girls left and I stayed with Kris. It was awesome to catch up with her. After some discussion, it was decided that I would borrow her car for the remainder of my trip, because she needed her car to be in Windhoek in the next few weeks.
Sunday we went to ‘Benny’s’ Park which was like a waterpark - pool, slide, animals in cages. It was sort of tacky beyond all belief and yet I hadn’t seen anything like it since being here…so I enjoyed it. Monday, I hiked to Opuwo via Ruacana, to spend a day or 2 with Obie and see the Hemba. I was a long day and yet very interesting one. At one point I was picked up by an Indian guy who took me to his shop for an easier hike. He introduced me to a Cuban guy who could give me a lift and while standing around talking, a Pakistani came up and joined the conversation. The Indian guy then made a comment about how we were all from different parts of the world - some parts that didn’t get along with others - and yet here we were all far from home, having a conversation and getting along. The Cuban then said that it was the governments that fight, not the people. It was a very cool 5 minutes.
By dusk I had made it to Opuwo - passing the Diversity bus along the way. Opuwo is a very touristy place because of the traditional Hemba. I took a bucket bath because the water was off at the house and settled in for the night. The next day I went out exploring while Obie worked. I ended up sitting for a few hours outside the grocery store talking to some street kids. They hung out there and offered to watch people’s cars for a dollar. They were trying to convince me that they used the money to support their families but as I watch and commented to them, whenever they got a few bucks, it would quickly be spent on sweets and biscuits. I think what they really need is attention…much more than money. If I did a full 2 years of PC again, I would HAVE to be at an orphanage or working specifically with kids. That’s where my heart is. Maybe that’s where I’ll look for a job back in the states.
That night Obie and I walked up the hill to a nice lodge to have a beer and watch the sunset. The next morning I got up early to catch a hike back to Oshikati. I got one right away with the mayor of Opuwo and within a few hours, was back at Kris’s. I did some laundry, worked out, had lunch and chilled waiting for her to get back from Tsumeb with her car. We chillaxed the remainder of the day and the next I took off to Etosha. It was a little nerve wracking driving at first - not having driven in almost 2 years AND driving with the steering wheel on a different side AND on a different side of the road. After about an hour, I relaxed and it because old hat.
Entering Etosha was breathtaking. I had done a safari before - when I first got to Namibia - but it was much different driving through a game park at your own pace. I quickly saw Zebra and Oryx and many other antelope type animals. I stopped at the main lodge for petrol to discover they were out of unleaded. I was told I could use that leaded and it would be fine. I only filled up a little. For the next several hours I wound my way through the park. Seeing herds of giraffe walking along the plains was brilliant. By the end of the day when I had given up hope seeing elephants or rhinos, I came upon a water hole were 8 large packiderms were hanging out. Wow. Sitting there in the car, just watching these magnificent animals drink and play. The trip was made! At one point it looked as though 2 might actually be courting one another. When the one got an erection, it was quite funny to the crowd of people that had gathered.
I made my way to Outjo by nightfall and took a room at a guesthouse. It’s been such a sense of freedom driving my own car today. Having to rely on other people for the past 2 years for rides to everywhere, you sort of loose your sense of self. This was the first time I’d felt really ‘in control’ of my life in FAR too long. It was brilliant.
The next day I filled up the car and headed to the Skeleton Coast. I stopped by the entrance to the petrified forest and bought some crafts. As I continued my journal westward there were fewer and fewer people and the landscape became ‘Mars’ like. It was beautiful. Upon entering Skeleton Coast Park, it became even more beautiful. The mountains replaced by large sand dune and the temperature dropping at least 10 degrees. I became concerned that I might run out of gas and be stuck here in the middle of nowhere. The man at the gate assured me I could purchase petrol at Mile 108. Once I got there and asked if they had it, they said they did. They then informed me that there was no electricity so they couldn’t pump it. Lol. So I’m thinking I’m screwed. The attendant (who was living in a place that reminded me of the Martian Chronicles), said that Cape Cross lodge carried petrol and they were 40k away. I got in my car and prayed. The marker was right above the E. Could I make it? Let’s see. I drove quickly, counting the miles as I went. Just as the petrol light came on, I saw the entrance to the lodge. I pulled in with great relief.
Once there, I discovered that they charge DOUBLE for petrol what a regular station does. I was furious and yet laughing the whole time. I even told they guy how clever it was that they do that - SCREW people who are in dire situations. He just laughed, not understanding that I was slamming him in the process. At 14 dollars a liter, I could only buy 5 - hoping that was enough to get me 50k to Hentie’s Baai. It was.
Outside of the concern about running out of gas, the drive was amazing. It was some of the most beautiful parts of the country I had seen yet. And seriously…if they faked the lunar landing of the 60s…they did it here!
I arrived in Swakopmund later that day and crashed at my friend Denver’s. The next day I met up with some other PCVs staying there and we drove to Walvis Bay to see and climb Dune 7. Though it’s not the biggest Dune in Namibia (or the world for that matter), it is one of the most famous. It was exhausting! Trying to make it to the top. I felt so out of shape. When we did make it, the views were spectacular.
That night we had sushi and I crashed on the floor. NOT the most comfortable and restful sleep I’ve had, I will say. The next day people were leaving and I had planned on heading back to Windhoek to hang with Shimon for a day. I was quickly talked into staying in Usakos because some Japanese volunteers were going to teach us how to make sushi. How can one pass that up? It ended up being another amazing night of cultural diversity. The JIKA volunteers were amazing and hell, I learned to make sushi. I cannot wait to try doing it on my own.
The next morning, Chris, Eric, Nick and I headed to Windhoek. We decided to stop by Okahandja and say hello to the newest group (Group 30) who had just arrived a few weeks earlier. We were scolded later by PC for just ‘stopping by’ which I felt was absurd. I then drove to Windhoek and dropped them at the PC office with the bags while I returned the car. It ended up all working out that we made the movie ‘District 9’ without a hitch. The movie was great and I think even more so because we understand apartheid and ‘locations’ more so from living here.
The next 2 days were spent at the Safari Hotel for COS conference. It was a lot of paperwork, a lot of contemplation and a lot of food. Each meal was an all you can eat buffet Of course we went crazy but at the same time, I felt guilty. I am vowing not to eat at those type of places upon returning to the states. Time was also spent gathering new media for the next few months at site. Wow…’few months at site’. Seems weird that it’s finally down to that.
Sarah and I stayed in Windhoek for an extra day for different reasons and I saw another movie. Yesterday we hiked back to Rundu (it feels very good to be back in the north). I forgot to mention that from Swakopmund to Windhoek I was sick. Stuffed up and coughing. The first time I’d been sick this entire time. Only now and I starting to feel better.
I’m ready to be home (at site) and finish my final months here. There’s a lot to be done - in preparation for leaving - and I need to emotionally get myself ready. There are many things I’m going to miss about Namibia and sure, many things I won’t. Overall, I’m going to miss my OVCs. I’ve grown very attached to them and they me.

Sunday, September 13 - Sunday, September 20:
Well…this first week back to site has been hellish and probably the worst since I’ve been here - with it hitting it’s crescendo on Thursday morning. Here goes…
Not sure if I had mentioned that while I was gone there was a problem with people being able to access the garden tools because VCT Fanuel had kept the key. Also, my supervisor took a teaching position at the teacher’s college in Rundu and left Mpungu. So I come back knowing I have to face Fanuel AND do it alone…sort of.
So, Monday I go to his office to ask about some things and he lays into me. Starts accusing me of all sorts of things and lying about things that he hasn’t done that I know he has. What made it more frustrating is that I had no support in the matter. Lyambezi is gone and Elizabeth, the new supervisor, was in Rundu all week. Fanuel was telling me he wouldn’t give me the money from the past event, telling me he wouldn’t tell me who won the suitcase from the drawing (someone had told me HE took it home) and our conversation just ended in a stalemate. He also wanted me to provide proof of the deposits that I was making on behalf of Veronica’s loan payment - it became obvious quickly to me that he was taking advantage of Lyambezi not being here. He was trying to get everything he could - a suitcase, get out of paying me money his wife owes me and God knows what else.
So the meat of the week I did nothing. I wasn’t supposed to be here because of the garden training, but it had been cancelled. So I wasn’t meeting with my OVCs. I asked Fanuel to make a radio announcement so that we could have a meeting on Thursday and discuss all these issues. On Thursday, no one showed. That didn’t surprise me at all but it was still irritating because I felt these things needed to be addressed quickly - before they got too out of hand. Fanuel did come to my house to tell me no one was showing up and he and I got into it. We went back and forth for about an hour. By the end, when he left, I was so emotionally drained. I just felt like ‘what the fuck?’. Everything I’ve done since I’ve been here has not been for me. It has been for the good of the people here and the community and to be accused of stealing or lying and letting people down? I was naked.
I decided very quickly that I needed to get away. I packed a bag and headed to the hike point - only to be picked up and quickly and taken for free (it was a sign). I wasn’t in the back of the bakki 15 minutes when I started laughing. I remember a conversation with God only weeks before where I complained about being insecure and not being able to stand up for myself. I told God that I was tired of living that way. That I had gone 40 years like that and enough was enough. Well, look what happened. I was given an opportunity where I needed to be VERY strong and completely defend myself ALONE, without any support. And guess what…I did. I stood there for an hour backing up everything I was saying and being true to myself - hence the reason I was laughing. I had asked for this opportunity and it was given to me. I was very thankful.
Once at Sarah’s we talked and she quickly helped me wash away the remainder of doubt still lingering in my head. She’s so GOOD for me. The next couple days were amazing with a birthday party at Selma’s and Catan and pizza with Rachel and Caleb. It was exactly what I needed and I returned Saturday refreshed and renewed.
At the theater, I apologized to MY Fanuel about the situation I had put him in. See, he was there during VCT Fanuel and I’s spat and there was a moment when VCT accused my Fanuel of not being able to be a part of the garden. Thus, Fanuel had to come clean about his status. I felt awful that he had been put in that situation and I hadn’t been able to steer the conversation a different way. Regardless, I felt the need to say I’m sorry. He was fine and he actually said it made him think that in order to feel good about himself, he needed to be more open about his status.
The next day, Sunday, Fanuel came to visit me and we had an amazing talk. He was having a serious dilemma about whether to open about being positive. It felt right and felt like the time and I came out to him. Telling him about my decision to talk openly about something that I had kept private. He was very cool about it and it made him really contemplate his decision. I don’t know what he will end up doing, but at least now he has an idea how to go about it and what might become of it later.

Monday, September 21 - Sunday, September 27:
This past week was a typical rollercoaster. The highlight was having the kids of the new VSOs come to speak to my younger OVC group. They LOVED having these highly energetic white kids hanging out with them. The kids put on a little presentation about Canada and their home town. It was awesome. I introduced paper mache to the older ones but made a mistake when I thought the balloons would last a week before putting another layer on. The heat of this place has caused them all to go flat, so we have to start all over next week - they will just have to come a few days in a row.
I also put out some of the fire with Fanuel by having a discussion with him and Elizabeth. I still don’t trust this guy but hell, I leave soon so I really don’t need to get stressed out about it. We still need to have a discussion with the main group (we just can’t get anyone to show up for the meetings) and I need a sit down with him and Veronica about the sewing business.
Friday I was going to show a movie at the school but was just tired and was invited to dinner with the newbies. I needed the break and anyways, it rained! It never rains this early. It made the evening very nice and cool. The newbies also called me to let me know they were in Rundu at the Forestry place and if I wanted them to bring me back some trees. See…remember when I was whining about wishing the others here would consider me more? I look back and think maybe I was just vulnerable from just arriving but honestly, I was just looking for a little consideration. So…of course, I LOVE these new guys. Canada isn’t that far from Cincy, is it? Lol
This weekend I spent alone, chilling out. I showed a movie Saturday night and played with Jafet and Sakeus today. Water fights ROCK! Had a small dilemma when Fanuel (my Fanuel) sms me from Rundu (he, Selma and Jesaya are on their way to a garden training in Divundu) to tell me the money I gave him for transport was stolen and he had no way of getting them to the training. I told him very sternly that it was HIS problem and they HAD to go. He figured it all out and they are on their way. Honestly?....I can’t wait to get out of here.

Monday, September 28 - Sunday, October 18:
I honestly hadn’t realized how long it had been since I’d written. My apologies. The 3 made it back from the garden training and they LOVED it. I just didn’t get to spend much time with them before taking off to Windhoek for the final time for medical stuff. The highlight of the last few weeks is this…I was very close to being administratively separated from PC - here’s why:
Remember back when I was on vacation and Kris gave me her car? Well, one of the PC rules is that we are not allowed to drive when not on approved leave. I get that. I messed up with when my vacation day ended and it became a travel day to the COS conference. Remember when we stopped by the training center to greet the newbies??? Well, that is what got me caught and also what saved me. I met with the temporary country director last Monday to discuss all of this. He was just and fair - even though the entire time I never thought I had done anything wrong. After 45 minutes in the hot seat, he informed me that he was not going to let me go but that I should be on my best behavior for the final 7 weeks. Feeling under-appreciated?? You betcha! I’ve spent the last 2 years of my life busting my hump here in my village and a simple mistake of miscalculating my vacation leave could get me booted out of the country? What the fuck??!?!?!
What I’ve discovered since then is even more shocking. I made a point about why wasn’t this handled with MY CD, Hannah Baldwin when I was in Windhoek for COS? He said it was because things take time and they have to get approval from DC. That’s fine. What I’ve heard floating around the rumor mill is that my APCD DID bring it up with Hannah and she being fair and just and well, just plain smart, squashed it. My APCD then proceeded to hold onto it in order to ‘try again’ with the new, temporary guy. How does she think I am supposed to feel about all of this? She has obviously gone out of her way to eliminate me. Well, not ME, per se, but she’s been dying to kick someone out. Here’s my main beef: what kind of message does this send to volunteers? You look to your APCD for support and yet you are getting policed in hopes of being used as an ‘example’.
It really infuriates me that people give up 2 years of their very comfortable lives to go abroad and try to give something back and yet they could be discarded so non-chalantly (spelling?) because of simple mistakes. Things are NOT black & white PC…the world we live in is VERY grey…get a clue.
Outside of that my medical stuff went well - no cavities or parasites. I was really itching for a parasite. On one hand I can say that I kicked Namibia’s ass and on the other, I have no sickness stories to brag about.
I have 37 days left. I have 37 days left and a shitload of work to do in a short amount of time. I am ready to leave but honestly, as I sat earlier and watched the sunset while brushing Efuta, I choked up a bit. I am going to miss this place and many of the people I have grown to love. The bullshit I won’t miss. Everything else…definitely.
On a completely different note, while in Windhoek last week, I discovered an ‘American’ food section at a local market. They had Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup, La Choy noodles, M&Ms, Mini-Wheats, Bush’s Baked Beans, Campbell’s soup and Hunt’s ketchup. I stood there for the longest time…tearing up. Time to get home? You betcha!

Monday, October 19 - Tuesday, October 27:
Well, the shit that was hitting the fan a few weeks back has sort of worked itself out while throwing some new shit in my face.
I think I have sifted through some of the turmoil with the VCT counselor. We seem to have an understanding. I still don’t think he’s the most trustworthy person, but all that aside, I need to have some faith and release some control. After I leave, I can’t do anything about what continues and what doesn’t. He paid the money he owed from the last event, took charge of the next one, we addressed the garden issues, organized the feeding program and he even sent the bike to be repaired.
The new shit, has to do with my buddy Fanuel and the bank he was a part of briefly earlier this year. Come to find out some serious money has disappeared and with all the finger pointing, he is being accused of the theft. I find it interesting that the one person I trust the most in this place, keeps getting into situations like this AND is one of the least trusted members of the community. He did confide in me that when he was younger, he was a rough kind of guy and was into drugs and has served time in jail. People tend to be unforgiving and definitely unFORGETTING here in Namibia. I believe that when they see him, they only see his past and he’s the first to be blamed for things going wrong. I tend to have the opposite view. The harder the life someone has had, I feel the stronger that person eventually becomes.
All that said, he has to go to Rundu in order to find work to come up with the money which means the theater is not going to run after I leave. If he comes up with the money before I leave and returns, we are fine, otherwise there isn’t anyone I trust enough to take it over. I’m not quite sure how to handle it. Also, with my NOT GREAT relationship with my APCD, I really have no one to talk to about it. I could give the new country director a try, I suppose.
Other than all of that, things are good. I am becoming very melancholy as the days wind down and at the same time, anxious for the final day to get here. It’s a weird feeling. I have a busy weekend ahead with 2 days of shopping for the OVC Bookmark Project, then a Halloween party with the other PCVs. Sarah and I are going as naked calendar models…how original. It should be a blast and it’s sort of our farewell since we aren’t going to make it to the Thanksgiving shindig. Once back from the weekend, time will really fly. I have 2 weeks of work, 1 week of packing up and saying goodbye and then I’m outa here. Weird.

Playing KETCHUP...

I apologize that is has taken me so long to update my blog. The cell reception is my village has not been that great and frankly, there hasn't been too much to say, lol.

Tuesday, February 24 - Thursday, March 5:
Tuesday’s training was more of answering many questions. I tried to have a movie night that night but I don’t think many were interested.
Wednesday I got up early to hike north. Shimon, the guy currently running the center, walked with me to the road. We had become friends over the past few days and he wanted to see me off.
Once out of town I was picked up by a policeman going to Otjiwarongo. It was a pleasant ride and he introduced me to Lucky Dube - a reggae artist from South Africa. He dropped me at the Engin there and within 15 minutes a German guy named Olf picked me up to drop me in Otavi. We had an amazing conversation - he was so progressive in his thinking. He even asked me if I had ever heard of ‘The Secret’, lol.
After about 30 minutes he offered to take me all the way to Groot. He claimed he just hadn’t driven it in awhile and wanted to see it…I think he was just a good guy and wanted to take me as far north as feasibly possible. Once in Groot - at the Total - I warded off the combi drivers - many who recognized me and immediately said, ‘oh, you’re going to free hike, yes’. About an hour passed (and I began to dread the black hole that is Groot), when Oliver and Eva - two german tourists - gave me a lift to Rundu. What’s funny, is that when they stopped for me and I introduced myself (without my name), they said…’are you Chaz?’. I was like..what the hell! They recognized me from couch surfing and said they had thought about contacting me but weren’t initially planning on going this far north in Namibia. We talked a bit and then I fell asleep.
In Rundu I went to the TRC and tried to make arrangements for transport the following day back to my village. I wanted a truck so that I could get some more fruit trees for the clinic. It wasn’t going to work out this time, so I planned on just hiking. I found out later that day that Tina, one of our Caprivi kids was heading back to the states and was coming through Rundu the next night. I really needed to get back to site and have a day to prepare for the theater but I also wanted to say goodbye. I opted to stay another night in Rundu.
It so happened that Sarah was coming in for the same reason and Juice was on his way to Okahandja, so we had a great time sending Tina home. She will be missed.
The next morning, I got up early to get back to site as quickly as I could. Sarah was going to hike with me but then a learner from the combined school that Lindsey taught at, had lost his mother the day before and she stayed behind to console and help him make arrangements. I can’t even imagine being 17, the eldest, and having to deal with the loss of my mom AND make all the arrangements.
I got a hike very quickly to Nkurenkuru from a driver that recognized me. Once there, it took about 90 minutes before I landed one the rest of the way to Mpungu. The rest of the day was spent unpacking and getting things ready for the next day.
Saturday morning we had out HIV Awareness Event which went well as usual. I have noticed that the last few events, not many people from the community show up. I am very eager for our clinic to get rapid testing for HIV so that we can take our event down into the community, instead of having it at the clinic.
We had a great lunch - people were happy to get meat for lunch, lol - and then I want to put up hooks for the movie screen and test the projector and sound system. We were set to go. Sarah was supposed to arrive on Friday but because of helping Franz, she arrived later today. She cooked dinner while I went to set up for the big event. It was sort of hard to believe that after a year of ‘preparation’, that the theater was finally happening.
At 6:30 I was happy to look around and see many more people than I had originally planned! We had a great turn out and I almost teared up when the HIV+ members of our groups stood up to talk about their status. I hope we can make waves against the stigma in this village with this theater.
At the end of the movie, everyone clapped and they all said they enjoyed it very much. One tate said it was ‘sweet’, lol. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that on next Saturday, when we charge money, that people will show up.
Sarah left on Sunday and I spent the rest of the day chilling out. Monday came and went with me doing paperwork and preparing for the week ahead. Tuesday’s OVC group was great - I was able to give them teddy bears from Mother Bear and toothbrushes and toothpaste from Colgate. Later that day, two couch surfers - Jessica and Michael - arrived from the northwest side. I had originally thought they were from Italy. However, they were both American - though Jess had been living in Italy for the past year. They have traveled extensively and are making their way through Africa.
The next few days I had a blast hangin out with them and showing them a little of my village. They were perfect guests and it was awesome to have visitors. They talked at length about their travels and made it sound so easy. I cannot WAIT to travel when I finish here. Sometimes I think that I should if I had had the money, I should have travel for a couple of years instead of joining PC. I’m not saying I haven’t enjoyed my experience and continue to do so, I just think I was looking for an adventure more than I was a ‘purpose’…does that make sense?
In the midst of my life here, I’ve been reading ‘The 4 Agreements’. I’ve read it before and loved it but for some reason it has more meaning to me now. I’ve just finished reading and re-reading the chapter on ‘Be Impeccible with Your Word’. It talks about how harmful the words we use can be to others AND ourselves. I know that I’ve always been very self-critical, but it’s very easy for me to criticize myself in the form of a joke if I mess up in the presence of others. I need to stop doing that. I need to stop calling myself stupid. I need to stop reinforcing the idea that I don’t have good memory. I need to DEFINITELY stop reinforcing the idea that I ‘don’t know what I’m doing’ or ‘don’t know how to do this or that’.
I’ve just gotten a couple of pages into the next chapter entitled ‘Don’t Take Things Personally’. The first thing that came to mind was my interaction with the other volunteers in my village. I realized that because my emotions were on a rollercoaster and my self-esteem was in the gutter - when I first arrived - that I was in serious VICTIM MODE. I SO wanted someone to take care of me and when the other PCVs here or VSOs didn’t behave like I felt they should have or I felt like I needed, I blamed them. I took all their words and all their actions painfully personally. They were all just being themselves…it was me feeling vulnerable and exposed.

Friday, March 6 - Monday 16:
Can this be right? Can it really have been 10 days since I’ve written in my journal? Honestly…this doesn’t make sense to me. My only excuse is that I’ve been busy and nothing ‘special’ has happened. I guess I get tired of writing the same thing every day - ‘well, not much happened today’. They did warn us during training that part way through our second year we will reach a time when the monotony and routine will set in. I suppose it has for me because I’m still confused as to why I haven’t written.
I went to Nkurenkuru last Friday night just to do some grocery shopping. I stayed with Caleb and Rachel instead of Sarah, because she was still in Windhoek. It was fun. The world teach volunteers came in from Nankudu and Rachel made pizza. Yum. We played ‘You Don’t Know Jack’ which was a blast. I came home the next day for the theater. I showed ‘The Matrix’ which they loved. I still need to figure out how to get the learners from the secondary school to attend. They get locked in on the weekends and the principal doesn’t want to let them go for fear they will go to the shebeens. I get it…I just don’t know how to work around it.
I have introduced ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ to my supervisor and another nurse. They now come over every Monday night to watch 2 episodes. It’s fun to watch it with them. I gotta go now cause they are on their way.

Tuesday, March 17 - Monday, March 23:
All I can say is…time is flying. I think that I’ve only missed a day or possibly two of writing and I pull up the journal to see it’s been about a week.
Recap:
Last Tuesday none of my primary OVCs showed up. I had no idea why. Then I found out the next day it’s because someone told them at the school that the afternoon program was cancelled. I typed up a list of all the names and submitted it to the primary school so we wouldn’t have a problem. On Wednesday, my older ones showed up so that was fine. On Thursday I tried to have a meeting but many of the members of the committee were missing without apologies. We were going to plant in the garden, but they voted to wait until this week.
I explained to them that the garden was once again dying because of people’s lack of commitment to the watering. I gave them til the end of April to pull it together or I was going to switch to individual gardens at people’s homes. There is no sense in me putting in the energy if it’s not being received.
Thursday afternoon I caught a ride to Nkurenkuru to hang out with Sarah until we went to Zone on Saturday morning for Independence. Thursday night we hung out with the 3 Finnish volunteers who were there on a ‘missionary’ study program. None of them want to be actual missionaries, but they came for the experience. They were fun, we had great food, watched their slide show and said our goodbyes.
Friday, Sarah and I hung out. I watched the ‘Che’ movie and ‘Milk’ - which made me cry. That night we played some cribbage and went to bed. The next morning we went to Zone with tate Ndadi and a nane from the clinic. The festivities were nice and my friend Dorothy was there with her daughter. It was great to catch up with her. The drama and the music was awesome. VIVA INDEPENDENCE!!
Saturday I came back to site because of the theater. I had planned on cancelling it because I figured everyone would be busy. Fanuel told me that we had to have it cause many people would be visiting Mpungu and would want to see a movie. Well…about 10 showed up, lol. Thanks Namibia!
Sunday was spent chilling out and doing a bunch of nothing. Today, we launched our feeding program for ARV clinic and it went great. We had about 6 people show up to eat and then we sold off the remaining food. I think it’s going to be a great success.

Tuesday, March 24 - Thursday, March 26:
The last few days have been busy, productive, and exhausting. I LOVE it! The highlight occurred yesterday. I was working with my OVCs and I had given them some math problems to work out. Hogan, the little boy of the new nurse who lives in the flat next door to the room I use for my group, was playing around outside. He and I are becoming good friends. I went to pick him up and was carrying him around, when I felt something wet on my arm. I just thought he had a wet bottom...but, no. I looked behind him and he had literally FILLED his diaper with shit and by picking him up and sitting him on my arm I had forced it up and out and all over myself. Now…that in itself is pretty funny. BUT!...his poop looked EXACTLY like guacamole. NO LIE! It was the exact color green with some red dots that could have been bell pepper. It seriously looked so much like guacamole that I had to smell it to make sure it wasn’t. How on earth he could have possibly had guacamole on his backside is beyond me…but it was SO realistic looking. Lol. I’m still laughing about it.
Tonight I made dinner for the VSOs and we had great conversation. They are good people. I know that I had my issues with them and the other PCVs here in Mpungu when I first arrived but I think most of that was my own stuff. The culture shock, loneliness, homesickness, etc. just amplified everything and made me so super sensitive. Dinah made an interesting comment about how it feels when you first arrive. She used the word ‘fragile’ and that’s the perfect word for it. I felt so fragile for the first 6 months and I just wanted, needed, someone to take care of me. Whew, I’m glad I’ve moved past that.

Friday, March 27 - Sunday, March 29:
Friday I spent some well needed time in the pharmacy. I haven’t stepped foot inside it since last year. Fortunately it wasn’t in that bad of shape but I keep telling Lyambezi he needs to stay on the nurses about keeping the forms orderly and neat. That night Lyambezi brought over ‘We Were Soldiers’ to watch. I’ve been enjoying hanging out with him lately cause we have sort of crossed that line of being ‘uncomfortable’ around each other. We can now joke and he actually gets some of my American sarcasm.
Saturday was a LONG day. We had our Awareness Event in the morning. It went really well but I lost my patience with some of the kids. I had to keep reminding myself to breathe. I had added MANY more prizes to the condom box game and so that became the center of attention for everyone. I introduced a new game with colored ping pong balls - everyone seemed to enjoy it. I chilled out the rest of the day and then headed to the church for movie night. I really do enjoy movie night but find myself getting stressed a bit about it. People from the project are supposed to be coming to the movie so that they can learn to run the equipment and man the door. What ends up happening is only Selma comes, she mans the door until the movie starts and then wants to watch the show. I don’t blame her, it just means I am constantly answering the door when someone knocks to be let in or out. I really think we need to switch the time to earlier in the day. That way more people would come (so they could get home before dark) and it would be easier to man the door, with light. When Shimon comes to visit after Easter, we need to look into making curtains for the church.
Sunday was a TOTAL chill day with a two hour walk, some yoga, a movie, some reading and Damien, Thomas, and Willem stopped by for help on their EWA and Diversity Tour applications.
I’ve reached a point in my service where I have accepted what I am able and not able to do. My one concern still seems to be sustainability. Of the projects that I am involved in…which ones, if any, will continue after I leave? The garden seems to be on a downward slide and I have a feeling that by the end of April, it will be gone and it will be one less thing I have to worry about. I don’t feel bad or blame myself for it failing…there was just not enough energy and interest in having it in the first place. I’m starting to feel that way about the theater. Nobody (except Selma) from the group, is attending Saturday nights. So once I leave, will it even happen? All of this takes me back to when I first got here. As a PCV I am supposed to evaluate the needs of the community and see what is wanted. I feel I did that - to the best of my ability - for the first several months, with no one coming to me with ideas. Even at this point, people (from the group or outside of) don’t ever say ‘hey, let’s do this or that’. Everyone still seems to wait around until Chaz comes up with something to do. I know this isn’t at the heart of capacity building and sustainability. But what am I to do? Just do nothing and continue to wait until someone has an idea. I feel by coming up with suggestions that I am leading by example. I feel like I have tried to inspire people, but to no avail. All that said, 2 people within my community have come to me in the last week and either said that I should extend or that I will be sorely missed when I go.
The only way to interpret that is that I am doing a good job. Whew. This really IS about letting go of any pre-conceived ideas about accomplishment and success. Where I see failure, the people here have seen growth. Hmmm.

Monday, March 30 - Thursday, April 2:
A busy and productive week. The highlight was playing a spelling game with my older OVCs. Damien - my favorite, was racking up the points and I could see the soccer ball he has been saving them for - gleaming in his eye.
I had some interesting conversations with a few people from the village. They both, in their own way, talked about the ‘laziness’ of most of the people in the community and how no one has the motivation to change their lives. One was a younger guy, about 25. The other, an older tate of 62. It was interesting hearing them talk though because I’ve had my own opinions about these subjects but because of culture, never felt like I had a right to say anything. It was a bonding moment for me and them as well as a little validation that what I’ve been feeling has been correct.
I did have yet another issue with Fanuel, the counselor. Veronica, his wife, is the one that is running the sewing business. I’ve been explaining to her - since last November - about her loan payment and that SHE is running the business, not me. That it is a business and not a ‘project’. Well, she is constantly late with her payment and I guess this week I had had it. I, once again, met with her and Fanuel to explain for the umpteenth time, about the repayment schedule. Ironically, my friend Ruben was here cause we were both waiting for a ride to Nkurenkuru. As I was going through everything again and Fanuel was translating…Ruben butted in (thank God). And said a bunch of stuff in Rukwangali that made Veronica finally ‘get it’. After they left, I walk talking to Ruben about my frustration with having to explain things over and over when I feel like I’m simplifying them as best as I can. He said, you were saying things perfectly, Fanuel was mis-translating what you were saying to Veronica. He kept telling her that they money she owes back is YOUR money and that it was YOUR money that funded the business. He hadn’t been telling her that I was just a mediator. I’ve lost SO much faith in Fanuel over the past year and it just sickens me to think that he has possibly been mis-translating me this whole time for his own good. Either to make himself look good or to benefit him and his family. SHIT!
On a better note…after they left, Ruben and I got into a conversation and he brought up all these great ideas for the community and I shared some of mine and we have decided to work together to do a BUNCH of stuff. The money Eileen gave me is going to be stretched into MANY awesome projects now. Between Ruben and the other Fanuel’s motivation for community work, I am truly pumped to accomplish a TON in the next 8 months!

Friday, April 3 - Sunday, April 5:
Friday day sort of dragged on. I spent a little time in the pharmacy, organizing a bit. Then I basically took the rest of the day off since my evening was filled with taking the movie theater to the school. On time as usual, Alex showed up at my house to take Claudia, Ester, Fanuel and I to the school. When we arrived, the students cleared out and some of the older male learners helped us move the tables against the windows and set up the chairs. At first, no learners were lining up to pay to get in and I was a bit concerned. I finally decided to send someone out to let them know that the movie would start at exactly 7:30. During that time, I did some questions for sweets about HIV/AIDS with the few that had meandered in.
At the time we started the movie, there was only about 20 kids in the hall. I had a brief (very brief) moment where I thought, ‘what a waste of time’. But as the movie progressed, the learners arrived. At the end of the night, we had made N$150.00! I was stoked! I asked the kids after if they enjoyed it and would like us to come more often. They said yes. If we go twice a month and add N$300 to our feeding program, we’ll have no problem feeding everyone on Monday’s list! And, we should be able to afford to buy apples and other things besides just serving mutete and yisima.
Saturday I slept in, did some yoga and read before the theater. Tonight’s movie was King Kong and I at first was worried that they might not like it. Boy…was I wrong! They LOVED it! They completely got that Naomi Watt’s character was making the beast laugh. They cheered loudly when he beat the dinosaurs and saved the girl. And when he fell off the Empire State building? There was a quiet ‘oh’ that spread through the crowd. Man, I love this project!!!!!
Sunday was a seriously chilled day with a long walk in the morning, much reading in the afternoon and ended with watching a movie with Fanuel and Jaffet.

Monday, April 6 - Monday, April 13:
Monday through Thursday of this past week was busy just finishing up stuff with OVCs and project meetings. On Tuesday, I did go to a meeting in Dakuwa - a village about 10k into the bush from Mpungu. They are wanting to build a kindergarten there. I thought initially that they wanted an actual building. This concerned me because of the time frame in which I have to accomplish this. However, they are planning on building a large hut with a fence and they just want help with books, chalkboard, chairs, etc. to make it nice. This, is very doable. I am going to use the PCPP to ‘get er done’.
I was really anxious about leaving site on Thursday, so the first part of the week is sort of a blur. Thursday I rode into Rundu with the VSOs. I went to the TRC to download stuff and check email. I then caught up with everyone else. Most of the 27ers crashed at Rachel’s while the 28ers and 3rd years stayed with Ben. Over the weekend we cooked together, played games, had a braai at the Bavaria and enjoyed one another’s company. My friend Shimon came up from Windhoek and is actually coming back to Mpungu with me for a week. He wants to see what my life is like in the village and needs a vacation. He will help me with some small projects.
On Saturday, he and I ran errands most of the day. I had a lot of things I needed to buy the OVCs for their point awards. I also needed to buy things for the garden, for the theater. It was an exhausting day but oddly fun. It reminded me of running errands in the states a little. I got to buy clothes, shoes, backpacks, things like that for the OVCs…so it felt a little like Christmas.
Yesterday, we got a hike early and headed back. It was long and hot cause we were in the back of a bakki. We arrived, unpacked a shitload of food and stuff I had purchased for the OVCs and settled in. It’s good to be home.

Tuesday, April 14 - Monday, April 20:
Routine…routine…routine. That’s what my life has boiled down to. That’s fine…I am happy with it…trust me. This past week went off with not much out of the ordinary. I did have a moment while watering the guava trees behind my house where a very large snake slithered past me. I froze. I just stood there saying ‘f’k’ under my breathe until it got far enough away to where I could move.
Shimon hung out this whole week (he left on Saturday morning). It was really nice to have the company and of course, with him being a vegan chef…I ate better in these 6 days then I have since I arrived. Fresh mushrooms, peppers, coconut…all sorts of things I can never buy because they are too expensive.
Saturday we had our monthly HIV Awareness event and it was great. We had it in the community at Ester’s place…instead of at the clinic. MANY more people came to it and it was very successful. I came back to rest a bit before the movie. OH…I forgot to mention that on Wednesday’s free movie night, I showed a couple music videos that I had downloaded. In hindsight I probably should have been a bit more careful in the ones I chose, but they seemed to enjoy them. I showed Brittany’s Spear’s ‘Womanizer’ - I had forgotten how risqué it was. I don’t think they’ve seen anything like it, lol - I’m still waiting for the repercussions of it from the community.
I showed ’30 Days of Night’ on Saturday and they were really scared. I was great fun watching them scream and then laugh at themselves. I had to turn away a guy who was drunk…fortunately he didn’t put up much of a fuss.
Sunday I hung out with Damien, Thomas, William and Salom. I introduced them to ‘Uno’ and they loved it. Today we had the feeding program. The cooking part went well, but there are still a lot of people who won’t come and get the food because they are worried about being seen by the community. We ended up having a lot left over - and I hate throwing food out. We didn’t have anyone come and buy food today either. My other dilemma is that there are employees of the clinic that hang around waiting for us to finish because they know there will be food left over and we will probably give it to them. This angers me. First, they have jobs…they can afford the N$3 that we are charging to support the program. Second, these are people that don’t really do their jobs. They just complain all the time. For example, when we said we had yisima left over, the one female security guard said she was starving and wanted some. When she realized it was JUST yisima and she wasn’t getting anything else with it, she turned up her nose and said she didn’t want it. If you are ‘starving’ you would eat any food anyone handed to you. I get this attitude a lot and it just angers me. I try to be patient and understanding, but I can’t handle the un-appreciativeness.
On Saturday, we had purchased meat for the afternoon meal. We didn’t get it in time, so decided to freeze it and cook it Monday with the feeding program. When we went to use it today, it was spoiled. I hadn’t looked at the bag on Saturday…I just stuck it in the freezer. Well, this started an entire day of stress. Trying to track down who we bought the meat from in order to get a refund. Then, them coming and saying they would pay us back and turning around a few hours later and saying they would not. Then, of course, I needed Fanuel to come into the picture as a translator and he completely mis-represented me to the people involved, which escalated the drama. I have really lost all trust and faith in him and would rather not have to do anything ‘through’ him any more. I feel as though he has been shooting me in the foot this past year. The other Fanuel has volunteered to take on that role for me, so hopefully there won’t be any more issues like this. I have so little time left and want to be ‘drama’ free.
I leave on Wednesday for Rundu, then Windhoek, then a few weeks of holiday before hiking fish river. I won’t have my computer, so I will try to write down what’s going on while I am gone.

Tuesday, April 21 - Monday, April 27:
I hiked to Rundu on Wednesday then got up early to head to Windhoek the next day. I headed to the hike point with a positive attitude and got a hike within the hour. He was only going to drop me in Kombat, but he drove me all the way to Otavi cause he said I’d have a better chance finding a hike there. I literally got out of his car, used the bathroom and walked to the road when a car pulled over and it was Jeff, the former director of PC Namibia. In total, I made it to Windhoek in under 7 hours.
I met up with Shimon and we went to see ‘Underworld’. I should have passed on the movie cause I didn’t realize how tired I was, but it was still enjoyable. The next day we went into town to run some errands and drop my bags at Jan Jonker. The day was productive. After lunch I left Shimon to meet up with the other PCVs. VSN and Diversity tour was in town. We went to Primi for dinner. The next day we began VSN training for the 2 new members. The day went well and then Shimon came over and we cooked dinner while everyone else went out.
Sunday was more training and then I spent a chilled night at the flat watching TV.
Today was more errand s- ordering T-shirts, heading to the movies only to discover the movie I wanted to see wasn’t playing. I came back to the Tabitha Center , had dinner and now it’s time to crash.

Tuesday, April 28:
Got up, packed and organized and walked to the highway to hike to Swakopmund. I wasn’t out there for more than 5 minutes before I got a lift to Okahandja. I got stuck there for a few hours (I blame it on not having my sign, lol). Finally, I got a lift all the way. Good conversation and air conditioning. What more can you ask for?
I arrived at the TRC just as Leslie was finishing up. We walked back to her place, chatted and caught up and I ran to the grocery store to stock up for the week and then we had dinner. During and after dinner we talked more. I love Leslie and really enjoy our conversations. We had this great talk about life, self-acceptance, PC, our personal journeys, etc. I’m looking forward to just hanging out here this week. I had wanted to explore the northwest but I’d really rather just veg. I’ll save my energy for Fish River!

Wednesday, April 29 - Saturday, May 2:
I’ve thoroughly enjoy just chilling out here in Swakopmund. On Thursday, I met a guy named Hilton at a clothing store. We clicked so decided to have dinner later that day. It was great conversation and mediocre Chinese food.
On Friday, I hiked to Walvis to explore and meet up with Gideon - remember, he’s my guy from Mpungu that moved here last year. His wife had a new baby since he left. It was great catching up with him. I was also able to visit with Karel for a bit - who is also living there.
I then met up with Hilton who drove me all over Walvis. We then went for pizza where I enjoyed a conversation about lesbians and vibrators with a group of colored people. Now, I can hear all my American friends ‘gasp’ after reading that. But here in Namibia, there are 3 distinct types of people - blacks, whites, and coloreds - or mixed race. In Walvis Bay, everyone lives separately and you can easily spot the 3 ‘level’s of acceptance throughout the Bay. The black people live in very run down, small shacks. The coloreds in sort of modest, middle class type homes…and the whites…in million dollar homes.
I know I’ve talked about this before but it struck me again. I’ve wondered how people can live in very nice, expensive homes with not a care in the world when 3-4 hours away (or sometimes, 3-4k away), there are people living in huts with no food. The contrast has always been very striking to me. Yet…don’t we do that in America? You can go to any city and find multi-million dollar homes just down the road from people living at ‘poverty’ level.
I think it’s just that we, as Americans, can’t imagine living in a stick house, with no water, that we think it’s such an extreme. I’m not saying it isn’t. But, the unbalance of economy here is NOT much different than anywhere in the world. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Where’s the ‘fairness’? Should I live in guilt because circumstances have allowed me to live a very comfortable life? These are all questions I am still needing answers to.

Sunday, May 3 - Monday, May 4:
Sunday was spent chillin out by the beach - it was a beautiful day - and then packing to leave early on Monday. I’m reaching that point in my vacation where I am missing my village. Yet I know, one week back and I’ll e saying I’m bored, lol. Guess I am only human.
Monday, I headed to the road around 6:30 am, in hopes of an early hike. It didn’t happen. After a couple of hours, Emily and Kate decided to walk further ahead in hopes that by themselves they might get a ride quicker. They had been gone maybe 20 minutes when Miles pulled over for me. Cool, young photographer from Cape Town. When I told him about my friends waiting for a hike, he was more than happy to stop and get them as well.
The hike was great and as we were passing through Karibib, we picked up the local radio station and I dialed in to answer a contest question and I actually WON! Unfortunately, they didn’t call to notify me until we were about an hour away. Just after getting the phone call, I had a brief thought about my friend John Martin, back in the states. There was no reason for him to opop into my head - but there he was. I got on facebook to send him a quick note. Once there, I was informed by a friend’s posting that John had passed away….over 2 months before.
It was the strangest sensation of shock that came over me. Why hadn’t any of our mutual friends thought to inform me? It reinforced the ‘disconnect’ that I already feel so strongly…from my life in America. At the same time, I am feeling distant from the familiar, I find myself adapting and connecting to my new life here. Don’t get me wrong, when I finish in December I will be ready to leave my village existence. It’s just that I think it will be much more difficult to leave than it ever was for me to be there in the beginning.

Tuesday, May 5 - Tuesday, May 12:
Tuesday through Thursday I hung out in Windhoek with Shimon - running errands that I didn’t finish before Swakopmund. On Friday, Em drove me to the hike point to head south. I waited about 2 ½ hours before snagging a lift all the way to Keets. We stopped in Mariental for Lunch. I then heard from Carly and Lily that they had gotten a ride only that far, so my ride decided to wait for them. It was funny though because he and I had had some good conversation about life and spirituality and stuff and once Lily (who is Chinese) got in the car, all of a sudden, all these non-pc jokes came out of him. We just kept looking at each other and laughing.
We made it to Jen and Rashin’s around 5:30 pm. They had dinner ready for us. The next day we went into town for last minute shopping. While there, I met up with David H. for a bit. Later that afternoon the others started slowly arriving. We watched Quantum of Solace and fell asleep. Transport picked us up at 7:30 am for the 2 ½ hour ride to the entrance to the canyon. He stopped at an overlook area for us to get our first view. Breathtaking! And scary as hell? I’m going to be hiking through THAT?!?!? It’s not the Grand Canyon by any means but being the 2nd largest canyon in the world, it holds it’s own.
It took us about 2 hours to descend 1k. It was rouch. At the bottom, we swam with some other hikers - some happened to be muslim and at the appropriate time - they rolled out their rugs and prayed. I vowed to myself that if we ended up camping near them sometime during the trip, I wanted to talk to them about Islam.
After lunch, we headed out. We had heard that the first few days were pretty tough - uneven ground, large boulders…deep sand. We began with smiles on our faces and ended the first day with leg cramps, painful shoulders and sore feed. But we were happy. The landscape is beautiful and the night sky with ZERO city light is truly phenomenal.
Day 2 found us heading out around 8:30 in various groups. Lily, Milan, Greg and myself happen to b pretty quick hikers. Amanda and Parker take up the middle and the rest are the caboose. Besides lizards, not much in the way of animals have been seen. I have seen leopard prints and horse poop though, so I am hopeful. Betsey injured her knee today and began vomiting from the pain. We were concerned she may have to take the emergency exit. She said no, but we stopped to camp earlier that day. We also caught up with the muslims, who gave us a better map. I never got the chance to talk to them about Islam though.
Day 3 - the pain in my shoulder blades is pretty bad but I only have on pseudo-blister, so I’m okay. I haven’t slept the last 2 nights…I can only hope tonight is better. We made good time, with the help of a shortcut. We saw several families of baboons, but still no horses. Parker said he saw some dassies, but I wasn’t so lucky. The beauty and serenity of this place continues to bring me peace. The nights are my favorite with the quiet and the night sky.
Tonight, one of our gas canisters ran out but I had run into a group of Cape Tonians hiking a little ways ahead. We crashed their fire and they were very welcoming. They helped us cook our dinner and even gave us 2 full canisters of butane to get us through the next few days. This, by far, is the greatest vacation in Namibia. I can only imagine that when I finish with PC and start travelling, that my experience will resemble this in some way.

Wednesday, May 13 - Saturday, May 16 (early morning):
The last few days in the canyon have been the most exhausting, painful, blissful and exhilarating days I’ve spent in Namibia. Being so isolated and far from any convenience - it’s flt like I could be anywhere in the world. I haven’t even been using my tent. Sleeping outside, under the stars. Making fires to cook dinner. It’s been fantastic.
Yesterday we arrived at Ai-Ais, where we enjoyed a hit, soapy shower, a pseudo-hot tub and a cold cider. After a week of hiking, one cider did me in. We played cards most of the afternoon and then had dinner at 7. There were other groups here that had opted to have a local children’s choir come and sing for them. 2 things struck me with this. First, I felt as though they were being exploited. Any time some white foreigners come along, these kids have to sing for them. At the same time, this is probably the only way for these kids to make money. It’s a double-edged sword, so to speak.
The other thing is, is that they sucked! I’ve heard much, MUCH better choirs since being here. It was obvious to all of us PCVs that these were all just the kids of the camp staff and they weren’t actually a choir. They had done no rehearsals or practiced in any way. They just sung 3-4 random songs and danced a little and threw in some yodels and clicks. So the ‘choir’ was actually ripping off the foreigners who through they were hearing authentic African music. I guess it’s a use-use situation.
One of the staff also brought her baby and some of the ‘white’ people were holding it and getting their pictures taken with it like it was some unique animal from the zoo. I found that repulsive.

Saturday, May 16 - Friday, May 22:
We were picked up and brought back to Keets where some of us immediately got on the road and started hiking north. We all eventually got picked up and dropped in Rehoboth to stay with Roshin and Beth. On Sunday, Dar and I headed north to Windhoek. Our hike dropped us off at the entrance to the B1 where she headed down the on-ramp and I walked towards Katatura. Not 5 minutes after leaving her, she was mugged. 2 guys confronted her and took her backpack. Son of a bitch!!! There are times where I go to this internal place of anger that I need to steer clear of. I want to go up to these thieves and say ‘what the F? I flew 9,000 miles to come and help YOUR people and this is how you treat me?’. I hate that I still go there after all this time…but I do. Dar is fine, just has to stay in Windhoek for a few days before heading back to site.
I spent an extra day in Windhoek to chill and headed to Rundu on Monday. It was tough cause I have a TON of crap to haul back. I made it to Otavi and then after a few hours, the rest of the way to Rundu. I stuck around there for a few days running some errands and waiting for Sarah to come through so I could hike back with her. I have some packages at her place. I hung out with Lori, Kim an the others.
Sarah arrived on Wednesday night, so yesterday we hiked back to site. I arrived yesterday around 4. It’s good to be home.
I’ve walked around enough to see that many of the fruit trees I planted are dying cause no one is watering them. The garden was not planted nor was the fence completed AND I don’t know whether the feeding program went on without me or not. I was happy that didn’t immediately go to the frustrated place. I have decided to not start any more new projects for the next 6 months. I will just focus on reinforcing the ones that are going in hopes that they will continue. Pray for me.

Sunday, May 23 - Thursday, May 28:
Routine…routine…routine. That’s what sums up my life these days. Routine. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. But it can lead to boredom. Boredom in the sense that ‘something new’ doesn’t happen on a daily basis any more. The other side of the coin is that I’m confident in what I’m doing now and it’s not a lot of ‘work’ to do it. The days are SPEEDING by and I fear if I blink, it will be Dec. 1 and I’ll be leaving my village for good.
The president of Namibia is coming to our village on the 26th of June. That’s not only something to look forward to, it’s also something I have to help prepare for. That will consume my downtime for the next few weeks. Then it’s July. Then it’s August and I’ll be travelling to Botswana. Then it’s September and I’ll travel to Windhoek for our COS conference. Then it’s like 2 ½ months left. It’s all so weird.