Valentines Schmalentines!

Tuesday, February 3 - Sunday, February 8:
It looks like I may resort to doing journal entries once a week instead of every day, lol. It’s not that things aren’t going on, it’s that I’m so busy now that by the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is sit and type. It might also have to do with things starting to seem routine rather than ‘new’.
I have my 2 days of OVC stuff this week which went great. I have 2 new helpers since it was just going to be Joanna this year. The one helper is an older guy who studied to be a teacher but currently can’t find a job. He was OUTSTANDING with the youth. Patient, kind, persuasive…they really took to him. It actually gives me hope that this program might continue after I leave. I mentioned the idea to him and he seemed excited about it, so we’ll see.
Had our Thursday meeting and though only a few people showed up, it went really well. Ever since I mentioned last week to the people from Runda that we were going to start a garden there because all of them had kept up with their end of the maintenance of the garden here, they have taken the bull by the horns. They have had a community meeting, met with the headman, got a piece of land, brought me a list of what they would need to start. They are ready and it’s very exciting to see someone here take the initiative. It makes me want to help them that much more.
The Ministry of Home Affairs was also here for 2 days registering people for birth certificates and IDs. It’s a great thing that they have come to the community instead of people having to go to them. I asked if there was anything I could do to help either right now or after they leave. The guy was kind of an ass and kept telling me there is nothing I can do. Many people were coming to me for copies now that we have a machine, so I felt I was helping out somehow and next week I am going to help with lamination services for their documents.
Later on Friday, people started showing up with the actual forms they had to fill out to get their IDs saying they sent them down here to get copies made. I actually laughed out loud. I thought…this guy made it clear I couldn’t help and then they run out of stuff due to their own ability to think ahead and he expects me to make copies for them. Unfortunately, because it’s a personal printer/copier and the toner cartridges are so expensive, I HAVE to charge a minimum of R1.00 per copy. That means that the people had to pay R4 for their forms. It was so unfair that they had to do that but may hands were tied in this matter.
This weekend I went to visit Sarah. It was great because we hadn’t spent time together since early December of last year. We caught up, swapped vacation stories and hung out with some of the 28ers. I introduced Sarah to Project Runway and she was hooked…we ended up watching the entire 4th season this weekend.

Monday, February 9 - Sunday, February 15:
The week went by in a blur and nothing huge - whether good or bad - stuck out as noteworthy. I have a feeling this second year is going to be a lot like that. Now that I have a routine, some of the initial excitement and newness has begun to wear off.
One thing I suppose that came to my mind this week is the phrase ‘you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink’. I had decided to use some money donated by a friend to purchase lamination sheets and offer free lamination of birth certificates - since the Ministry of Home Affairs was here for 2 days helping people get them. Usually this costs 8 rand in Rundu, so most people don’t have them laminated and they end up being useless in a short amount of time.
I would have thought that the news of free lamination of birth certificates would travel like wild fire and on last Friday when I has planned to do it, that people would be lined up outside my flat. This was not the case. I only ended up doing about 30. I was hoping for like 300, lol.
I have to say that it’s been one disheartening thing about my Peace Corps service. I realize it’s just me and my American attitude (and I also understand where much of the lack of motivation stems from), but I came into this thinking that the people I was here to help would just want to work SO hard and do anything to change their lives. But see, that’s my ego. And, it’s my judgment of them thinking they HAVE anything to change. Peace Corps is all about sustainability and capacity building and not letting our own opinions and thoughts get in the way of helping the community. But doesn’t a lot of it ultimately spill over?
We come here to change people’s lives. Who says they need to change? We think that having water and electricity are basic amenities because we can’t imagine NOT having grown up with them. But are they essential to every day life? Who am I to tell these people that this is something they need to strive for? Most people here live (thought difficultly) in more harmony with the earth than we do in America? They are not hoarding tons of crap they don’t need, spending money wastefully, polluting the planet, etc. Maybe they are the example of how to live more peacefully than we are.
A certain amount of ego HAS has got to come into play for me to be here and try to motivate people to live differently because I think they should. I’ve resigned myself to not implementing too many new ideas this second year. I would rather people come to me with their own and allow me to assist them.

Monday, February 16 - Thursday, February 19:
This week many people have continued to show up for lamination. I figured that would be the case. I will borrow the machine again in March and have another free day. The new garden watering schedule seems to be working well. People are showing up when they are supposed to. The maize is doing ‘okay’, just not growing as tall as I would like. Onions and carrots - not so hot. But the tomato plants are THRIVING! I am hoping we also have luck with the squash and cabbage that we planted this week. Even if we could find 2 things to grow during the summer and a couple to grow during winter, I would be happy.
I had a great time with the OVCs this week though I am finding it difficult to teach English and math, lol. They are all in different places and I try to keep it interesting to both the young and older ones. We watched a movie about Alaska and they were fascinated with the brown/black bears and caribou.
On thing of note that happened this week, was I had to confront Jaffet about something. Jaffet is part of a duo (him and Sakeus) and they have become like my ‘buds’. They come over ALL the time and we play and occasionally I feed them. I’ve sort of taken them under my wing as my little brothers. Well, I’ve noticed a couple of times that Jaffet has stolen from me. Little things like sweets and last week, some bread. At first I was like, well, this is Africa, it’s survival. The bread thing pissed me off though cause the day he did it I was actually making him lunch.
Well, when I went into my OVC classroom on Tuesday and was counting people’s points on the poster, I noticed areas where stickers had been removed. Many people were missing one or two. As I glanced down the board, I came upon Jaffet’s name and his was FULL of stickers with curled up edges. He’s only been to class once so at the max, he would have 2. He had 15. Given the fact that he’s stolen from me in the past, I knew right away he had done it. I made plans to confront him the next time I saw him. The next time was today.
He stopped by as usually and I immediately stopped what I was doing and took him over to the room and asked him why he did it. He claimed - rather defiantly - that it wasn’t him, that it was this other kid from church. I said, are you sure? He said yes. So I told him to go find this kid and bring him to me cause I wanted to confront him. I told him to do it right now and not come back to my house until he had the boy with him. See, I knew he was lying.
He leaves and about 4 minutes later comes to my door to inform me that he and I are not friends. It was hard not to laugh. But I sat down outside with him and asked him why. He said it was because I was accusing him and not believing him. I then proceeded to talk about the other things he’s stolen from me and how COULD I believe him if my past experience with him has shown me otherwise. I said, all he had to do was bring me the kid and if he confessed, I would apologize and things would be fine. So he leaves once again.
About 10 minutes later he returns and at my door, says he is sorry. I go and sit down outside with him and ask him what he’s sorry about. He says, ‘that’. I wanted him to tell me what, lol. So he did and I asked him why he lied to me and accused someone else. I said, if we are to be friends I have to trust you and right now I don’t. He didn’t have an answer for my question and so I sent him home. I told him to think about it and when he had an answer for me, he could come back…just not today.
Honestly, I felt bad watching him walk away…the kid has NOTHING. But, at the same time, I can’t support these actions and he needs to learn something from it - so I have to be a hard ass. I’m sure we will make up and things will be fine…I’m glad I’m leaving tomorrow for Windhoek for about a week…that’s his grounding period, lol.

Friday, February 20 - Monday, February 24:
Friday, thanks to Dinah and John, I made it to Rundu safely. I went to the TRC, dropped off all the stuff I was leaving there, ran a few errands and then met up with Gretchen and her mother at Omashari Lodge for dinner. It was great seeing her, laughing, catching up and meeting her mom and friend Elaine. I then made my way back to Ben’s house where I hung out with everyone there for a few hours before crashing.
Saturday I got up early and headed to the hike point. I waited for about 2 ½ hours for a ride and snagged a short trip to Grootfontein. Now. Everything in my head was telling me NOT to take the hike because Groot is such a black hole…but I had waited so long to get out of Rundu that I succumbed.
Once in Groot, I was stuck there for about 3 hours. I should have known. I finally took a hike to Tsumeb in hopes that I could catch a ride with a car coming from Oshakati or Odangwa. I waited there for about ½ an hour before getting a great ride from a pharmacist who knew all about Peace Corps and talked my ear off. He was great. He took me as far as Otjiwarongo and then gave me R$100 to take a taxi to Okahandja. Again…I am still taken aback by the generosity of people here. I ran into super spar to grab a bite to eat, snagged a taxi quickly and arrived in Okahandja around 6:15.
My friend Crisenzo (an Italian guy living in Windhoek) picked me up there and we caught up on the ride to his place. It was nice to shower, have a nice dinner and relax in front of the TV after such a long day.
Sunday I ran an errand to the mall and then Chris dropped me off at the PC office. I met up with Brook, Dave, Loren, Melissa, Ryan and Milan. Then we were transported to the airport to wait on the newbies. Once there, I ran into Tina whose brother and and his partner were waiting on their plane so they could head back to the states. It was nice to meet them and to catch up with her.
After a few hours, the new PCVs plane arrived and we greeted them with smiles and cheers. It took me back to the day we got off the plane and had the dazed and frightened looks on our faces. Heading in to the unknown. It was great meeting them and an amazing ‘soul’ check for me. To realize how far I’ve come since being here. How far I’ve grown. The obstacles I’ve faced and worked through. It was a nice, little proud moment for myself. Many imaginary pats on the back took place.
The rest of Sunday was spent getting them settled into the training center and answering a ton of questions. I loved it. I really wish we had had some volunteers there when we arrived. There so much they want (and we wanted) to know that we either didn’t want to ask PC directly or were tired of the ‘it depends’ answers they WERE giving us. It’s a good feeling to be there for these guys in this way and most have made comments about how helpful it’s been that we are here.
Monday they began their training sessions…which I sat in on. It took me back to the beginning and the days where I felt like going a bit loopy. More questions were asked and answered and I continue to enjoy the process of being the ‘experienced’ one. Like I mentioned above about the airport. It’s a nice reality check about where I’ve been to how far I’ve come. I took a small group into town for a quick tour, only to be called back to the center because they had medical interviews either I had forgotten about or they have forgotten to mention to me. Ooops. Bad VSN member…BAD!

Tuesday, February 24 - Thursday, March 5:
Tuesday’s training was more of answering many questions. I tried to have a movie night that night but I don’t think many were interested.
Wednesday I got up early to hike north. Shimon, the guy currently running the center, walked with me to the road. We had become friends over the past few days and he wanted to see me off.
Once out of town I was picked up by a policeman going to Otjiwarongo. It was a pleasant ride and he introduced me to Lucky Dube - a reggae artist from South Africa. He dropped me at the Engin there and within 15 minutes a German guy named Olf picked me up to drop me in Otavi. We had an amazing conversation - he was so progressive in his thinking. He even asked me if I had ever heard of ‘The Secret’, lol.
After about 30 minutes he offered to take me all the way to Groot. He claimed he just hadn’t driven it in awhile and wanted to see it…I think he was just a good guy and wanted to take me as far north as feasibly possible. Once in Groot - at the Total - I warded off the combi drivers - many who recognized me and immediately said, ‘oh, you’re going to free hike, yes’. About an hour passed (and I began to dread the black hole that is Groot), when Oliver and Eva - two german tourists - gave me a lift to Rundu. What’s funny, is that when they stopped for me and I introduced myself (without my name), they said…’are you Chaz?’. I was like..what the hell! They recognized me from couch surfing and said they had thought about contacting me but weren’t initially planning on going this far north in Namibia. We talked a bit and then I fell asleep.
In Rundu I went to the TRC and tried to make arrangements for transport the following day back to my village. I wanted a truck so that I could get some more fruit trees for the clinic. It wasn’t going to work out this time, so I planned on just hiking. I found out later that day that Tina, one of our Caprivi kids was heading back to the states and was coming through Rundu the next night. I really needed to get back to site and have a day to prepare for the theater but I also wanted to say goodbye. I opted to stay another night in Rundu.
It so happened that Sarah was coming in for the same reason and Juice was on his way to Okahandja, so we had a great time sending Tina home. She will be missed.
The next morning, I got up early to get back to site as quickly as I could. Sarah was going to hike with me but then a learner from the combined school that Lindsey taught at, had lost his mother the day before and she stayed behind to console and help him make arrangements. I can’t even imagine being 17, the eldest, and having to deal with the loss of my mom AND make all the arrangements.
I got a hike very quickly to Nkurenkuru from a driver that recognized me. Once there, it took about 90 minutes before I landed one the rest of the way to Mpungu. The rest of the day was spent unpacking and getting things ready for the next day.
Saturday morning we had out HIV Awareness Event which went well as usual. I have noticed that the last few events, not many people from the community show up. I am very eager for our clinic to get rapid testing for HIV so that we can take our event down into the community, instead of having it at the clinic.
We had a great lunch - people were happy to get meat for lunch, lol - and then I want to put up hooks for the movie screen and test the projector and sound system. We were set to go. Sarah was supposed to arrive on Friday but because of helping Franz, she arrived later today. She cooked dinner while I went to set up for the big event. It was sort of hard to believe that after a year of ‘preparation’, that the theater was finally happening.
At 6:30 I was happy to look around and see many more people than I had originally planned! We had a great turn out and I almost teared up when the HIV+ members of our groups stood up to talk about their status. I hope we can make waves against the stigma in this village with this theater.
At the end of the movie, everyone clapped and they all said they enjoyed it very much. One tate said it was ‘sweet’, lol. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that on next Saturday, when we charge money, that people will show up.
Sarah left on Sunday and I spent the rest of the day chilling out. Monday came and went with me doing paperwork and preparing for the week ahead. Tuesday’s OVC group was great - I was able to give them teddy bears from Mother Bear and toothbrushes and toothpaste from Colgate. Later that day, two couch surfers - Jessica and Michael - arrived from the northwest side. I had originally thought they were from Italy. However, they were both American - though Jess had been living in Italy for the past year. They have traveled extensively and are making their way through Africa.
The next few days I had a blast hangin out with them and showing them a little of my village. They were perfect guests and it was awesome to have visitors. They talked at length about their travels and made it sound so easy. I cannot WAIT to travel when I finish here. Sometimes I think that I should if I had had the money, I should have travel for a couple of years instead of joining PC. I’m not saying I haven’t enjoyed my experience and continue to do so, I just think I was looking for an adventure more than I was a ‘purpose’…does that make sense?
In the midst of my life here, I’ve been reading ‘The 4 Agreements’. I’ve read it before and loved it but for some reason it has more meaning to me now. I’ve just finished reading and re-reading the chapter on ‘Be Impeccible with Your Word’. It talks about how harmful the words we use can be to others AND ourselves. I know that I’ve always been very self-critical, but it’s very easy for me to criticize myself in the form of a joke if I mess up in the presence of others. I need to stop doing that. I need to stop calling myself stupid. I need to stop reinforcing the idea that I don’t have good memory. I need to DEFINITELY stop reinforcing the idea that I ‘don’t know what I’m doing’ or ‘don’t know how to do this or that’.
I’ve just gotten a couple of pages into the next chapter entitled ‘Don’t Take Things Personally’. The first thing that came to mind was my interaction with the other volunteers in my village. I realized that because my emotions were on a rollercoaster and my self-esteem was in the gutter - when I first arrived - that I was in serious VICTIM MODE. I SO wanted someone to take care of me and when the other PCVs here or VSOs didn’t behave like I felt they should have or I felt like I needed, I blamed them. I took all their words and all their actions painfully personally. They were all just being themselves…it was me feeling vulnerable and exposed.