The Remainder of March

Saturday, March 15 - Sunday, March 16:

Saturday morning we walked into town…along the river which is always very pleasant. We had breakfast at our favorite place, ‘Forget Me Not’ and then ventured out to run some errands. We dropped by the TRC for a bit, met up with both Rundu Maggies and went to lunch in the open market. We then decided to drop by the Bavarian to do a little swimming. I didn’t have anything to do that in, so I jumped in my in my cargos (they STILL were not dry on Sunday when I was hiking back). Everyone was going on a shebeen crawl later that day but I wasn’t up for it. I spent a few hours transferring movies from Patrick’s computer to mine. Some of which I hadn’t seen, so that’s very exciting.

Sunday we were all set to head back to sites around 10…which in Namibian time means we left Rundu at 4:25. So we hung out at the TRC because Patrick had left for Caprivi early. There is so much time spent ‘waiting’ here that it’s amazing anything ever gets accomplished. I realize this is an ‘American’ point of view and I should turn it around and say that there is so much time to chill and meditate here, no wonder there is no war, lol. I have mentioned before that I end up falling into a funk on Sundays. Each time I leave friends it’s like the end of summer camp. Fortunately Dave called and pulled me out of it as he always does. I have sort of vowed not to journal any more about my ‘issues’ (ie. isolation, insecurities, etc.) but being an ‘out-loud’ processor makes that vow difficult to keep. Just know that it’s the same shit that keeps bubbling to the surface and reminding me that it’s still hiding out in my attic. My attic is the one place I need to remove myself from before I go crazy.

Monday, March 17 - Tuesday, March 18:

Well, this morning it took me a solid 2 hours to catch a hike from Nkurenkuru to Mpungu. My ride ended up being with Bonjo Boy, a guy who lives in there, who happens to have been horribly burnt at some point in his life and has no lips. He seems like a good man, though I have not spent much time with him. There were 2 of us getting a ride and he told me to ride up front and put my stuff in the back. Upon opening the boot, I noticed the smell first, then saw the dead cow carcass shoved to the front. Though I was grateful for getting to ride up front, I did feel sorry for the young kid who was making the trip back there. I piled my bag and groceries into the back, climbed in the front and we were on our way - not before stopping and getting a beer, though…of course. The conversation was good but the stench from the back was right behind my head and I felt at times that I was going to hurl uncontrollably.

We finally arrived at sight and upon retrieval of my things, realized one of the books I had been waiting to read since my arrival in Namibia (which had recently arrived via my friend Steve), had fallen out of it’s bag and had laid in and soaked up a lot of the cow’s blood. The only thing I kept thinking was…thank God the only part that is ruined is what I’ve already read. It’s funny that THAT is all I thought about. There’s my book. Soaked in blood. And thank God I’ve already read the part that saturated. Lol.

I took the rest of the day easy and worked out of my house. A guy named Joseph stopped by and wanted me to help him work on a proposal to start a butcher shop here. It was very difficult because Fanuel was not here to translate and his English and my Rukwangali were far from compatible. We muddled through it though and I asked him question after question to the point where I thought he was becoming sad. I reassured him that we could work on this, there was just much more that he had to do before we could right a proposal. I’m excited at the prospect of getting some businesses going here. This place will eventually be a very big town because of how all the roads connect right here. They supposedly are going to start paving these roads in the next few years and Mpungu will grow overnight!

Today…today…was a great day. I had planned on meeting people who were interested in tearing down the thorn bushes from the garden area to use as fencing. What ended up happening, is that all the people who are going to be working on the garden, showed up and we started clearing it. Stupid me was in shorts and a T-shirt though and the many scratches on my legs and arms are proof that the thorn bushes here are NO joke. Plus, the blisters on my hand from ax usage are killing me! I look forward to getting out there tomorrow and doing it again. Seriously though…it was the hardest physical labor I’ve done since I got here and I loved it. There was such a feeling of accomplishment at the end of 3 hours. Also…these people worked their asses off! I w silently cursing my wounded hands but these people were singing and talking and laughing. They were so happy to be doing something productive with their time. It was inspiring. The worked so hard and never complained. By they way, were were removing bushes and small trees with dull, hand-made axes. I kept thinking how fast I could have went through this space with a chainsaw and weed-snippers and cut the work in HALF!!!! But, those aren’t the resources we have and so you use what ya got. I had forgotten to take my camera, so I have no complete before pics, but plan on taking some tomorrow. This garden is going to be huge and amazing. I am so excited for them. I can’t wait til things start to come up and we reap our first harvest. Wow. This is what I am here to do. Get food in these people’s stomachs and possibly some money in their pockets.

Tomorrow I fax our proposal to RACOC to get the fence built and a water tank and pump for collection of rain water. I pray we get all the money we are asking for.

Wednesday, March 19 - Thursday, March 20:

Well, this is the farthest back I’ve had to track to write something. That past 10 days have been a little crazy but I will try and catch up. Wednesday was a typical day of work which ended with Karel and I going to shoot some pool at a shebeen. I was leaving the next day for Divundu so I didn’t want to be out that late. So I left Mpungu on Thursday around 8:30. I arrive in Divundu at 6:35. It shouldn’t actually take that long…but this is Namibia (TIN). Efraim (the driver) kept stopping for no real reason. That combined with the roads being as bad as they were made for a long ass morning. By the time I reached Rundu I was officially nauseous from the ride and the trip to the open butcher shop. I’ll post pictures of that I promise.

I waited forever to get money from the BOB because it was payday AND a holiday weekend. The town was FULL!!! I decided to walk to the TRC and take a nap - to calm my stomach and head. I slept for about an hour then threw up. It was then time to try and hike the rest of the way. I ended up waiting with another guy which I knew was bad because it decreased both our chances at getting a ride. Namibians typically won’t pick up white people and Afrikaaners won’t pick up Namibians…so we were cancelling each other out. Someone finally did pull over but only had room for one, so I let him go because he had been waiting longer. Have I mentioned how difficult it is to stand around in the scorching African sun with a headache and nausea?? It is. I threw up again and made the decision I was only going to wait another ½ hour before just calling it a day and crashing.

It was at that time that Caroline, a woman from Luxemburg who is working in Rundu, pulled over - happy and delighted to give me a ride. Interesting conversation ensued and then I arrived. Chris was waiting fr me a the petrol station We caught up, as I did with Paul, ‘Layer Cake’ was watched and yes, I threw up yet again. It was then time to sleep. Friday, March 21 - Sunday, March 23: I headed out from Divundu around 7:30 am and fortunately caught a ride with a woman from the Dept. of Fishery who 1. Knew Thea and Griffin and 2. took me all the way to the border crossing point into the Caprivi strip. I only waited about 10 minutes before I caught a ride with a trucker heading to Katima from Walvus Bay.

The ride was long but pleasant because I was elevated and had a nice view of te landscape. The best thing was the ‘beware of Elephants’ signs I kept seeing. I really wanted to catch a glimpse of one but saw nothing more than elephant droppings across the highway. In America we worry about hitting dear and possibly messing up our cars. Here they worry about hitting an elephant and basically becoming pulp. The driver dropped me off at the Kongola fill station where Robin and Crystal were waiting for me. Soon Thea and Jeff arrived. It was great to see them all again and catch up - sharing what’s going on at all our respective sites. There was a celebration of sorts for Independence Day but we decided to hike back to Sesheke.

I finally got a better appreciation for my life in Mpungu seeing their huts with no running water and no electricity. Now, don’t get me wrong - their huts are kinda cool and though I don’t think I could have handled living like this, there was a sense of really roughing it that I could appreciate. Jeff’s hut is not completed yet so he lives in Crystal’s. It’s cramped but they made do. He and I headed down to the garden to get some corn to roast after dinner and collect some firewood for later, while the girls started working on dinner. I realize that’s not politically gender correct but it just worked out that way. We returned in time for black bean and sweet potato burritos which had been prepared over a propane stove. As night approached and the full moon resumed it’s place in the sky, we roasted corn and marshmallows over the fire. We were joined by a few small girls from the village and the evening was complete. I did pretty well sleeping on the cement floor, though I did toss and turn quite a bit. With 5 people sleeping in a 2 room hut, there was plenty of snoring and farting to keep anyone away.

Saturday after breakfast we began our hike to the Namushasha lodge where we would spend the day swimming and eating a good lunch and dinner. The lodge is very beautiful and we ended up getting a great deal on a boat ride on the river. Jeff then worked his magic with the receptionist and got us all complimentary rooms for the night! Sweet! The boat ride was awesome - we saw a green water snake, many colorful birds and finally a hippo. A dominant male actually, so we didn’t get too close cause it went underwater and the guide turned us around and sped us the other way. We got back in time to shower and rest a little before dinner. Dinner was out of this world good and the warm custard over muffins for dessert sent me into a sugar coma. I learned to play cribbage that night and now have a new favorite game. We headed to bed and Jeff and I played with the fruit bats on our balcony - trying to get some good pictures of them in flight. Then I slept. Slept better than any night in the country so far. I had a strange dream about Vin Diesel who I realized in my dream was representing Mark - that’s a story I will only share with him!!!

Today, Sunday, we had breakfast, hung out a bit then G-J (a French American conservationist living at the lodge and working on his PhD) gave us a ride back to the village. Then…disaster struck. I decided to do some laundry with Jeff at the borehole and proceeded to wash my shorts - with my cell phone in the pocket. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am down yet another cell phone. That’s 2! 2 phones in just 5 months. Is this a sign of something? What the hell Namibia. The funny thing is, is that I wasn’t all that upset about it. I mean hell, how can I bitch about something like that when the people around me live like they do? It just puts things into perspective. Is it a pain in the ass? Of course! But, really, its just a phone. A $1,200 phone, but just a phone. Even as I write this entry, I am just sort of laughing about it. The only problem with it is that now I will be hiking back 400k tomorrow without a phone - which is just a little bit scary. Oh well, I’ll be fine.

Monday, March 24 - Tuesday, March 25:

So Monday, I began the journey of making my way back to Rundu - 400k away. It doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, but when you are hitchhiking it’s a different story. I headed out to the main road with Thea and Jeff where quite quickly they got a hike to Katima. I, not wanting to just sit still, began walking in my direction. I made it about 3k, all the while enjoyingthe hike with my back pack, though getting perturbed as each car passed and didn’t pull over. Just past the border to the Caprivia strip - where I had to soak my sandals in an ‘anti’ foot and mouth disease solution, I got a ride from some Zambian’s who took me all the way to Rundu.

After stopping by the PC office, I checked into the Bavaria, went for a swim and then settled in my room. It only took me a moment to realize I had cable T.V. and low and behold, watched the ending of a Harry Potter movie and then! Got to see an episode of Grey’s Anatomy - the current season! I’ve had a few surreal moments since being here but this one ranked up there. I’m lying in my bed watching American T.V. and I could have been in the states in any hotel. It actually made me homesick all of a sudden. Ya know, I’ve always liked to think of myself as a non-materialistic type of guy - that things don’t define me. What I’ve realized is that for the most part that is true and yet I do miss my comfortable life back home. Miss it a lot actually. The more I talk with other PCVs, I find they all seem to be people who didn’t have T.V.s, loved roughing it - were separatists - so to speak.

I’ve discovered that’s not really who I am and I’ve been trying to force myself into that box. So now that I’ve acknowledged that, what do I do with it? That combined with the fact that public health and community based work is not my passion. So then arises the question…what the hell am I doing in the Peace Corps? Do I want to help people and give something back to the world? Absolutely. But, if I’m not truly happy here what part of this journey is altruistic vs. what part is it me suffering for a cause? AND, is it okay that after 3 months at site I am still questioning myself? Is that a normal part of this process? Is it normal to still be achingly homesick? Most of the other PCVs seem to be settled into their life. Not that they don’t get homesick or stressed out but they have adjusted and accepted their new. I still feel like I am counting down the days when I get to leave. Is that going to change or is it a part of my personality that is going to end up winning out and making me go home? Am I being productive at site? Yes. I am working on things and trying to better the lives of the people I’m here to serve. But am I happy? Truly, happy? Ecstatically happy? No…not yet. Yet, should I be? I’m still not sure.

Wednesday, March 26 - Saturday, March 29:

I’m writing this on Saturday afternoon so I will try my best to remember the past 4 days. Wednesday began a 3 day workshop on gender equity. I really enjoyed it. It was the first workshop I’ve attended in Namibia where I was engaged and walked away knowing that I could conduct this workshop at my site easily. It was also nice because the facilitator was gay and so I was able to chill out and chat with him on the last day. The time at night was spent in the room with Sarah being goofy and watching T.V. I also had a really bad day where I thought I was going to go home. We did a section on father’s and had to get very personal. It brought up how much I missed mine and that then brought up other emotions. I actually made the statement to Sarah that if I felt this ‘low’ one week from today, that I was going to leave. She and I had a long talk (she is SUCH my rock!). I told her of my insecurities and she found it hard to believe that I didn’t have the faith in myself that she and everyone else did. Isn’t that always the case? We can never see ourselves the way other’s do. I was very calm during our talk and very comfortable with my decision to leave in a week if I felt the same. The workshop was nice also in that I was with a group of Namibians who are very progressive in their thinking. You could also see people’s minds changing - especially guys’ - throughout the week. It showed me that I’m not putting enough faith in the people I am working with. I am heading into every meeting, every situation, thinking they aren’t going to ‘get’ what I’m saying. That is SO not the right approach. So Friday morning I ran into my supervisor who was heading back to Mpungu that day, so it worked out they we got a ride. He was going to pick us up in front of OK Foods at 1. He called 2 hours before that to say they were ready and I begged for an hour so Sarah and I could finish our errands. We then waiting outside of OK for them for about an hour. Time here is completely irrelevant. It then still took us another 30 minutes to head out of town. We crammed all our stuff and all our food in the back, along with 5 people and headed out.

We arrived in Nkurenkuru around 4:30. That gave us time to stop by the post office and then Sarah decided to head to my site with me. I had two packages and we ran into Julia, a friend of Sarah’s who decided to come with us. Did I mention I got two packages? One from my mom and the other an Easter package from my sister. Can you say SCORE! They were both filled with goodies but I have to say my favorite thing was the pecan nougat egg hiding in my sister’s. My mom also sent copies of home movies that I made last year…trust me when I say I got teary eyed! We got back to site, Sarah worked on dinner - sautéed butternut squash and pasta - while I unpacked and showered. We then watched ‘Notes on a Scandal’ and went to bed.

They left early this morning and I was once again alone. Alone at my site for the first full weekend since I’ve been here. Hard to believe but yet. In 3 months, I’ve managed to NOT be alone on a weekend - especially at site. Can you say ‘avoiding’??? Today hasn’t been that bad. I’ve cleaned my place, watched a movie, done some stuff on the internet (yes I replaced my phone on Friday) and just sort of chilled out. Like I said…it hasn’t been that bad…but there is still tomorrow! If I can work through this isolation shit, I’ll be just fine.