My South African Journey

Monday, December 1 - Friday, December 5:

Yesterday we piled and I do mean PILED into Sarah’s parent’s rented car and headed back to her site. It was fun to watch and listen to them and remember what it was like for us the first time we rode on that road. Their comments and oohs and ahhs. It was also really great to chat with them. They are awesome and Sarah is very lucky to have parents like that. So open and accepting. I realize everyone at some point thinks someone else has it better and that’s not what I mean. I just mean they are really cool people.
Once at her site we unpacked and I tried to contact my ride only to discover it wasn’t coming. I then thought I was going to have to try and hike with all this stuff which would NOT have been fun. I contacted my supervisor and discovered he was heading back from Rundu and would gladly pick me up. We then walked her parents around Nkurenkuru a bit though there was nothing much going on given it was a Sunday. It was still neat to watch their reactions to everything.
When Lyambezi showed up for my ride I discovered Eddie, the couchsurfer from New Orleans in the back. He and I had been making plans for him to come visit my site for a few weeks but I was never sure exactly when he was heading this way. Synchronicity man. We chatted on the drive back and I welcomed him to my place in Mpungu.
The past few days have been great having someone around and yet at the same time I’ve gotten so used to being on my own that I can feel that part of myself wanting my space again. Don’t get me wrong, he’s been a GREAT guest and I’ve never felt like I have to entertain him. He’s a Christian, but very laid back and he’s on this journey of hiking around Africa for about 4-6 months. After he leaves my place next week he begins making his way to Cairo.
My OVCs on Tuesday was great fun! I made them peanut butter sandwiches and we watched Harry Potter and the Scorcerer’s Stone. I then presented them with some school supplies that I was able to purchase thanks to Kim, Becky and Kim’s sister. They had sent me money earlier the past week and now they are going to start collecting donations throughout the coming year from clients in order for me to always have money for the kids. I might even be able to feed them each week. They were really happy!
Yesterday I had a meeting about the garden and I had to be a bit stern with them. The garden is NOT being watered regularly and things are dying. I am honestly worried about what will happen while I am gone for a month, but I hope they will maintain it responsibly.
I have been trying to work out transport for the fruit trees from Rundu and finally nailed down a day when I could have the truck. I then tried to contact the Ministry but with no cell network I had to purchase a phone card and use a pay phone - which is a pain in the ass. The first day the woman told me that Faustinus was out in the bush - IN MPUNGU - and could not be reached. She said she didn’t know what I was talking about (ie. the trees). I then called back the next day and a different woman said she’d check and that I should call back in an hour. I called back and a man answered. He didn’t know what I was talking about and started telling me about the proper procedure of doing things and that I needed to submit things in writing. Blah blah blah… I cut him off and explained that I had done all that and spoken directly to Faustinus. He said that I should wait until Monday when he is back. Next week is my last week and if I wait til then to get the trees then I only have a few days to plant 200 trees on the clinic site. On top of that I am supposed to go to Windhoek for an impression of a crown for replacement AND my money for the theater project is supposed to come in and I want to go there to purchase the equipment. When it rains it pours. Days and days without nothing to do and then BAM! A week of non-stop activity.

Saturday, December 6 (early morning):

An interesting thing happened yesterday. I received a text from either Alex or Christine, probably Christine, though I had erased all the 26ers phone numbers from my cells because they were heading home. She said she had just read my blog for the first time and was sorry that I felt that way about them. It took me a minute to understand what she meant. She said she was going to forward my blog to Dinah and John - though I didn’t really understand why that was necessary.
See…my blog is basically my journal cut and pasted. My journal is my personal experience here in Africa - every part of my personal experience. It does exactly what a journal is supposed to do. You use a journal to emote into and hopefully gain insight into yourself in the process. Most people’s are private and not available for public viewing. I choose to put mine out there for my friends and the world to see because of 2 reasons. 1. Someone might have insight into what I’m feeling and can help me see something I cannot. 2. Someone might be going through the same thing or feeling the same way and it’s nice to know ‘you’re not the only one’ sometimes.
After the text sunk in, I went to this worried, stomach turning place and I thought to myself, what’s the lesson in this? If my experience here is all about personal growth, why am I feeling weird and uncomfortable? What is there to learn? At first I thought it might be a lesson in NOT sharing everything I’m feeling with the world. This came from thinking that now I have repercussions to face when the VSOs return. And then, without much more contemplation I realized that NO. The lesson here is about standing up for myself and truly not caring what people think - which is something I’ve struggled with my entire life.
If Dinah and John, more so Dinah, choose to take personally my ‘in the moment’ feelings about a given situation, I have no control over that. The words in my journal depict how I am feeling at that time and do not always express my general consensus about a given person or situation. This is who I am. I am an out loud processor. It’s what keeps me mentally healthy and stress free. It keeps me from hanging on to negative shit and letting it eat away at me. I cannot change who I am in this regard because I’m worried about what someone else thinks of me.
I do not apologize for anything that is written in my journal. I’m not writing a story or trying to tell some fictitious tale about my experience. It’s David, raw and exposed. I spent too many years as a child and adolescent keeping my feelings, thoughts and beliefs locked up inside me for fear of the judgment of others. THAT’S not who I am any more.

Sunday, December 7 - Thursday, December 11:

This is my last week here before heading to the Cape for vacation. Can I just say that I understand the phrase ‘chomping at the bit’ now? I am so eager to go and yet at the same time, I feel like In the past two weeks I have begun to fall in love with this place. Funny huh? I still need a break - TRUST ME! But things are finally starting to fall into place and funds are coming in and connections for funds are being made - so I no longer feel like my hands are tied.
I made a great ‘re-connection’ with my church, New Though Unity Center . The few that I am email back and forth with seem to be very eager to jump into some of my projects here. It will be awesome to have their support - emotionally and spiritually as WELL as financially.
Monday morning Eddie and I got up early and rode to Rundu with the car that needed to be repaired. I thought it worked out great to accomplish some things in town, get him a ride, as well as pick up some of my trees from the Ministry of Forestry. Well, NAMIBIA NAMIBIA, I was stuck there for the night so I crashed at Cobra’s place. Then, the car wasn’t ready until 4:30 the following day. We raced to the Ministry only to discover that people were clocking out and no one wanted to do the paperwork. THEN, some woman who I’d never came out Faustinus and said that we didn’t have the right paperwork or official stamps and couldn’t have this or that. I was furious. 4 months I’ve been working on this…I wasn’t ABOUT to leave without trees in the back of our car. I bitched and moaned and caused a rucous and rode back to Mpungu happily with 50 guava and papaya trees!
I’ve been planting a few trees each day to get them in the ground before I leave. I had my last meeting about the upcoming event and the garden with the group. We rearranged the schedule again in hopes that the garden would not die while I was gone. We also made final plans for the HIV awareness event on Saturday. I introduced a new game that got them really excited.
OH I didn’t even tell you the best news - I got a text that the money for my theater project was deposited into my account. So I am leaving a few days earlier in order to go to Windhoek and purchase the equipment. That way, it’s in the Peace Corps office and when the Rundu driver comes down for repair, he can bring it back for me. You have no idea how excited I am about getting this project going. Also, once we have rapid testing at our clinic, we will become mobile. I now just need to write a proposal for a generator so that we can go into the bush and show movies, do HIV education and HIV testing in villages 20-30k away. This next year is going to be GREAT! I have it all planned out what I am going to accomplish and the funds should be here to do everything.
Right now Sakeus and Jaffe have stopped by to watch a movie. I have my Christmas lights on, Christmas tree from Patti lit and playing holiday music. They are dancing like they were in a club. It’s cute and great and yes, I’m LOVING this.

Friday, December 12 - Saturday, December 13:

I don’t remember much about Friday, but the event on Saturday was successful and everyone had a great time. Now begins my journey south to Cape Town. On the way to the hike point I was picked up by a car going to Nkurenkuru via Zone. I took it for fear of not finding another. I have never been to Zone. It’s very green and lush there. It continues to amaze me that you can turn off of a main road, travel a couple of kilometers through nothing and then come upon a village. I am sitting under a tree while the driver visits with his family at the homestead. Isn’t it funny…? In the states we’d never pick up a hitchhiker let alone take him/her with us to our relatives’ house. Here it’s just part of life. I hope to make it to Rundu today and travel to Windhoek tomorrow. I am SO ready for this vacation!
Tonight, after it taking close to 6 hours to reach Rundu, was probably the bumpiest hike of my life. I hung out with Cedar and Kerri and went to bed early .
Sunday, December 14:
We got up early to hit the road. I went to the TRC first to make a sign and grab my tent - though I decided I didn’t really need it. I went to the hike point before them but after an hour, they arrived and I still hadn’t snagged a ride. About 30 minutes later we ALL got a ride in the back of an el camino type car. It was dreary and overcast and we thought for sure we’d get rained on. With it being so cloudy, none of us thought to put on sunscreen. Between that and how cold it was, who knew we’d arrive in Windhoek, 7 hours later - battered, sore, necks cramped and burnt to a crisp! You could cook eggs on our faces and legs. It’s really scary sometimes how intense the African sun is.
We dropped our bags at the place Kerri and Cedar were staying (where I am crashing on the floor) and I went to the PC lounge for the internet. SCORE! It was full of stuff the 26ers left behind. I now have stickers, a tape measure, bras, clothes, books, CD cases and many other things to use as prizes for our HIV awareness events. I also talked to Stephanie in the office about having ALL the clothes shipped north if no one claimed them.
I went to the store to buy stuff to make a salad for dinner and then they decided to go for pizza at the mall. I went along for the company and in taking a short cut, we found ourselves in a fair ground like area that was deserted. We ended up having to climb a barbed wire fence to get out.

Monday, December 15 - Wednesday, December 17:

The last few days have been rushing around trying to get everything for the theater project. Yesterday at 3:00 when I bought the last piece and felt like my vacation had officially started. I got all the equipment back into the storage at the PC office. I also met up with my friend Karel who used to live in Mpungu. Then last night Jehan and I went to dinner and had a blast. I’ve always really enjoyed her but this was the most 1 on 1 time we’ve had. We walked from there to the Chameleon where Claire was staying and hung out for a bit. This morning we got up early to start hiking around 8 am. After 3 hours, Carlos who is driving all the way to Cape Town, picked us up. A free ride ALL the way.
I’ve never been south of Windhoek and I can say this…I like the north MUCH better. We’ve been driving now for like 5 hours in nothing. Total desert. I mean literally nothing! Towns are spaced about 300k form one another. I feel like I am in ‘The Hills Have Eyes 3’.

Thursday, December 18:

This morning, Claire and I arrived at Long St. at 3:00 am. We had not even gotten our bags out of the car when we were offered to buy some weed. We said goodbye to Carlos - forgot my Nalgene in his car - and started looking for a hostel. Fortunately the first one we stopped at had a twin room so we took it, brushed our teeth and went right to bed.
I awoke at 7, not ever being able to sleep in and we packed, moved our things to the hostel Claire had reservations at, and went to breakfast. Croissants stuffed with scrambled eggs, portabella mushrooms, fresh basil and parmesean. After a year in the village - this was heaven. Speaking of food, I forgot to mention that the night before, Carlos stopped in Springbok and bought us dinner. He was very sweet.
After breakfast we walked around, bought some jewelry, a painting and a tapestry at the craft market, bought our South African phone cards from a Persian guy from Toronto and had another great meal for lunch. This place is amazing. So beautiful and so diverse. The only downside so far is that I am more aware -after being in the corps for a year - that all the service staff - everywhere you go - is black. Maybe it’s something I never noticed in the states, but here it’s so apparent.
Long St. is similar to gaslight Clifton in that it’s hip, laid back - you see dreads and tattoos and supermodels. Seriously, supermodels! We kept thinking we’d run into the other PCVs that are here but they continued to elude us.
I stopped by a tattoo place to schedule an appt. A year in the bush deserves a mark. When we walking around we saw a 7/11 and a McDonalds. I mean really, where are we?
I touched base with Geoffrey and made plans for taking the train in the morning to Somerset West where we will go to a sculpture exhibit and then head to the mountains for the weekend. On his suggestion, Claire and I took a taxi to the waterfront to see the sunset. We walked around all the shops - Guess, Jimmy Choo, Louis Vitton - again, where the hell are we? We decided to have dinner at a thai place and between the view of the clouds on Table mountain, the sushi appetizer, pad thai noodles, live music and people watching..I was over come with joy. I was on vacation! A real vacation. One that will rejuvenate my soul for my final year.
After Haagen Daaz for dessert - yes, Haagen Daaz! - we headed back to Long St. where we ran into Obie, Mila and Katie finishing up their dinner. We headed to Mesopotamia (a Turkish restaurant) to smoke shishah from a hookah. My first true hookah experience. It was nice with the mint tea I was drinking. Afterwards it was seriously time for bed.

Friday, December 19 - Saturday, December 20 (early):

After breakfast, Claire walked me to the train station to head to Plumstead. It was cheap and easy to navigate and I had a splendid conversation with Donald, a retired financial something or other. Once there, I met Jodi and Felix - dancer friends of Janines - and we headed to Somerset West. Geoffrey’s place is amazing. Surrounded by a wild garden - this 150 year old house is quaint and comfortable. While they were preparing lunch I went for a swim in the pool - I can’t believe I’ll be staying here for a few days.
After lunch we went to a museum in Stellenbosch to see a Rodin exhibit. Driving through these well manicured streets and gated communities filled with amazing foliage…I really began to wonder where I was. Then we’d pass a township, which is basically a location, and I’d see the shacks where people desperately try to carve out a life and I’d remember - I’m in Africa.
The exhibit was brilliant but I was overwhelmed. All this beauty. All this creativity. It made me think about all the stimulation - creative or otherwise - I’ve received in my life. Every painting, TV sow, song, amusement park, county fair, family reunion, school play, Halloween - all of those millions of things that shaped who I am today. Shaped all of us. What if all of it was gone? Taken away? Erased. Who would we be? What kind of - if any - motivation would we have to exist? To succeed? To thrive? Those in my village that I am trying to help, face exactly that. They have had so little stimulus to feed their souls that the perceived laziness and apparent alcoholism seem very minor to how I think I’d behave.
We returned to Geoffrey’s where we packed the cars and headed to the mountain. This place is spectacular. A small, one room cottage, with a loft at the base of these enormous cliffs with a view of the town down below and the ocean beyond it. Even the toilet is outside, away from the house, with no walls - overlooking the valley. What a way to take a shit. I’m telling you.
I slept so peacefully last night and this morning during breakfast, enjoyed watching a group of baboons playing on the hillside. Today we are hiking towards the cliffs and I’m gonna swim in the pool formed by the stream running alongside the cottage. This is the perfect start to my 3 weeks in South Africa.

Saturday, December 20:

I hiked and explored the stream bed with Felix and Geoffrey. I always get recharged being in nature but it was great watching them because they are SO into it. Throughout the day I had amazing conversations with Geoff about spirituality, racism, apartheid, Africans - life in general. Our views seem to be similar though I feel his may go much deeper than mine. I don’t mean that mine are superficial, just that he’s done more contemplation in his life and that part of mine is just beginning. I thought we’d make it up to the cliffs today but that will have to wait until tomorrow.

Sunday, December 21:

Today, I got up and read a bit, then after breakfast - Felix, Geoff and I headed up the mountain. I wasn’t sure how far we’d get but after an hour so found ourselves at the base of the cliffs. The view was mind boggling. Felix headed back to the cabin because he needed to get back to Cape Town early. Geoff and I continued to explore, having great conversations long the way.
We decided to head back alon the stream bed which was amazing. Scrambling down rocks, taking breaks to swim in the pools. The only thing I kept freaking out about was all the spiderwebs with the big juicy inhabitants. I had a run-in with a giant spider when I was a boy and I suppose it scarred me.
We made it back to the cabin around 2:30, rested, packed up, swam some more, then headed down the mountain. I decided to have them drop me at the Shell station cause I figured it would be easier for Piet to pick me up. I’ve decided to stay with him for a bit.
H picked me up and came to his beautiful house with lush gardens and a nice warm pool. Really. Once again, where am I? He’s Afrikaaner and yet our conversations are very different from the ones I’ve had with whites in Namibia. He’s very laid back and doesn’t appear to be racist in any way. I am just slightly concerned about his motivations for letting me stay. He’s made some innocent sexual references even though I tried to make it clear on the internet prior to my coming, that it wasn’t part of my intention in finding free places to stay.


Monday, December 22:
Did I mention how badly I am peeling? It’s been so long since I’ve not had a lengthy, daily exposure to the sun that I am shedding like an under-watered Christmas tree. And speaking of which, it’s difficult for me to fathom that it’s in a couple of days. Even though I hear the music and see the decorations, I don’t feel festive. So another holiday I miss and another next year. Damn.
Yesterday Piet dropped me off at the local mall while he had a few hours work. I sat around and people watched. I became very aware of how all the wait staff, cleaning staff, etc. was black while ALL the people perusing the mall were white or colored. There were no Black Africans - which is a strange way to say it - shopping in the mall.
Somerset West is this absolutely beautiful place of big houses and rolling lawns and lush gardens with secured, fenced in properties filled with white Africans. While the blacks life outside of town in shacks - literally, shacks made out of tin and cement. It made me wonder about the US. If I looked around there would I notice all those jobs filled by African Americans? Have I just always been oblivious to it? Or is it really a mixture of everyone and so here the difference stands out more?
It’s interesting talking to Piet about it because he’s very liberal and accepting. He told me that he felt South Africa had a ways to go but that there was a time in recent history that they whites realized their parents were wrong about apartheid and ‘woke-up’. People in American can admit slavery was wrong but have we done anything or feel responsible for doing anything about it? Piet talks a lot about how here, people actually stand up to their government. They protest. Newspapers write actual truths. The public is not duped - like we are in America, he says. He said that most people here don’t believe Americans are really ‘free’ because of the bubble we are either forced or choose to lie in. I think I agree with him. We are so controlled and anesthetized by our world. The news keeps us in constant fear of the world around us. Magazines and television tell us what to buy, what to wear, how to feel about ourselves, what medication to take if we feel ‘off’ in any way and then give us 800 channels of mindless entertainment to keep us ‘distracted’. Doesn’t it make you think about the motivation behind all of that? Who is benefiting? Drug companies, media moguls, he government. I understand message in V for Vendetta. I understand why people risk their lives to stand up to their government. What I wonder, is if there are other Americans that feel the same, why aren’t we doing something about it?
Piet then points out that we are beginning to with the recent election. He compares the similarities between the change in South Africa and what’s going on in the states. Could Obama lead to an unimaginable new era in American History? God, I hope so. So after all that depth, I walked around Cape Town, exploring shops, craft markets, the beach - I’m finding it difficult thinking about returning to my village. I’m finding myself not really thinking about my village al all. Is that bad?

Tuesday, December 23 - Wednesday, December 24:

So the other day (damn, I just realized how often I start my journal with ‘so…’), Piet had a little somethin’ somethin’ planned for the morning, so I used his scooter to return DVDs (yes, I rented DVDs) and go pick up a bag at Geoffrey’s. Then he dropped me off at the train station so I could get back to Cape Town. I got my head shaved for R15 and then met up with Joe for lunch. He introduced me to Kris - a former front girl for a punk band in England, Dylan - who has a house in Sri Lanka, and Gretchen - an American VSO. All of them working in northern Namibia near me!
We had a great lunch of jerk chicken nachos at a dive called Mojito’s and then Piet met us there. He and I had planned on going to the botanical gardens, so he invited everyone to join. The gardens are at the base of Table mountain and are truly spectacular. We spent the rest of the afternoon there and in the process, I really got to know Dylan better. Great guy! And I have a place to stay in Sri Lanka whenever I want. Piet then offered to drive us to Cape Point the next day. Piet and I returned to Somerset and went to see ‘The Women’.
The morning of Christmas eve I found myself shopping with Pete for a gift for his mum. While in the bookstore, I started crying - it came out of nowhere. Homesickness brought on by the festiveness of the season around me. We finished there then headed to pick everyone up. Again, great conversation with Piet. I have a completely different take on Afrikaaners now - at least those of South Africa.
The drive to the point (where the 2 oceans meet) was breathtaking. It included ssing the penguins at Boulder’s Point, lunch in Simon’s Town - calamari, yum - and ending with probably the most amazing scenic views I’ve ever witnessed. On the top of the mountain, by the lighthouse, seeing 2 oceans at once. How do you come down from a high like that? I am also falling in love with Gretchen and Kris - they are wonderfully spirited.
Back in CT, I checked into my hostel, met up with the rest of the 27ers to go shopping for Christmas dinner (Mexican for Christmas in South Africa…hows that???) and then to Masal Dosa for dinner. It’s a lesbian owned Indian/Persian restaurant. We had 3 courses that included a sevi pevu appetizer, dosa for an entrée and cardamom flavored ice cream with crushed cashews for dessert. Seriously, how do I return to my village after this? Seriously!!
I then met up with Joe and we walked to Da Waterkant, which is the ‘gay’ area. It was early and there wasn’t much going on, but the night slowly gained momentum. The lack of black men was sort of shocking. It was ALL whites Afrikaaners or tourists and colored guys. Colored here is used for the descendants of blacks who married the Dutch and German settlers. It’s not a derogatory word like it is in the states.
I did talk to one guy from the Congo at Bronx and then got into a very nice conversation with David, a Kenyan, at Manhattens. Yes, both named after New York, lol. I then tried to real in Joe for the walk back to the hostel. Everyone had said don’t walk around at night, but I felt completely safe. Joe and David headed in one direction and I another. There was a street vender selling falafels which looked great so it became my first Christmas present to myself - since it was 2 in the morning! It was delicious. Too tired to brush my teeth I headed to bed with my ear plugs and slept soundly.

Thursday, December 25 - Friday, December 26 (early):

Christmas day. In Africa. Quite unlike the same day in America. I have found myself missing many elements of the holidays that in the states I complained about. What I miss the most is the energy. I do feel like, for a very short period, no matter who you are or what you believe, that during Christmas there is a small window where the majority of the world is at peace. You can feel it in the air. Thought I did feel it very slightly here, it wasn’t the same. Africa is an amazing continent with so many problems and no easy answers. In talking with other volunteers from different organizations and just people from all over Africa, it’s clear there aren’t any. Most people, sitting in their homes in other parts of the world are completely clueless to what actually goes on here and what it will or would take to incite change. Black Africans want progress and many want the things we have but they cling so tightly o traditional ways and most lack any sense of ‘thinking about tomorrow’ because of the struggle to survive each day. The task of change seems impossible. But enough philosophy.
Yesterday I hung with Claire a bit in the morning, had McDonalds! For lunch then met up with the rest of Nam27 to plan dinner. At one point I took a nap and then found myself on the balcony of the hostel having a conversation with 4 guys from Sydney, Holland, Morocco and Egypt. This sort of thing never happens in Cincinnati. The Egypt guy actually lives and teaches drama in Tsumeb! I want to stay in touch with him because he could possibly do something with my OVCs.
Christmas dinner was amazing and our Mexican fiesta - which we celebrated with volunteers from Mozambique - was festive. Afterwards we were all very tired and went our separate ways. Claire, her brother, and I came up here to the balcony and hung out with Odie, Andraak, Farol and Henshrid. I found myself having to stand up for Peace Corps with Andraak. He seemed to have a negative opinion of it. I finally got tired of staring at him and went to bed.
Today I’m going to hike Table mountain with some friends when head to Somerset to crash at Piet’s again before heading to Hermanis for a shark dive - NOT me…Dylan.

Friday, December 26 - Saturday, December 27:

Friday I was going to hike the mountain with some friends but they were hungover so I decided to explore some on my own. I ended up walking 3 hours to Camps Bay and hanging at the beach for a bit before cabbing it back to Long St. I grabbed some lunch, had a chat with a rasta then met up with Kris, Gretchen and Dylan for a movie. We missed ‘Twilight’ so saw ‘Madagascar 2’ instead, then grabbed our things before Piet picked us up for Somerset. We did a braai and then crashed.
Saturday we took our time leaving and headed to Hermanis around 11. We took our time, stopping and exploring the beauty along the way. We arrived in the afternoon, checked into the hostel then grabbed dinner. There is some tension between the girls and Dylan and so I find myself being sort of a buffer. It’s fine. I enjoy all 3 of them. When we got back to the hostel we had a beer and then played some cards. We were joined in our room by an older French woman who is sort of cranky. She kept complaining about the smell - which was Dylan’s feet mind you - but I’s a hostel, not a 5 star!
We were awoken around 3 in the morning to Dylan coming in drunk. He tried to jump into his bed and brought it down on top of the French woman - funny. Today we got up early to get to the place for the diving. I was concerned about seasickness but forgot Dramamine, so it was too late. I chugged ginger beer instead. It didn’t hit me until we were out in the water - in the cage IN the water - that I would be inches from a great white shark. It wasn’t long before one arrived. HUGE! About 15 ft long. The adrenalin was amazing! It sort of attacked the corner of our cage and then swam by rightin front of us - inches from us! Dam! How do you put that into words?
Once out of the cage I saw a few more up close throughout the day. Overall - WELL worth the R795. We returned to Hermanis and have been chilling with cards and TV. And gelato! Tonight I’m going to have great seafood with the other PCVs and tomorrow it’s off to Wildernis. How do I go back to the village after this? (tends to be the theme of this holiday). Kris is playing the guitar and singing in the other room right now. It’s beautiful.

Sunday, December 28 - Monday, December 29:

Sunday evening I enjoyed dinner with the other volunteers at a nice - well, very nice - steak house (instead of seafood). I then headed to bed while they watched ‘We are Marshall’. With no time schedule in the morning, the four of us took our time packing and heading out of Hermanis to Wildernis.
The drive here was breathtaking. So green and full of hills. Every time we crested a hill you could see miles and miles of hay fields, grazing lands, ostrich and sheep farms, winelands and forests. This part of South Africa is NOT how most Americans would visualize this continent. There were plenty of moments, as we wound out way through the pine covered hills, that I felt I was in the smokey mountains of KY or parts of Virginia.
We finally arrived at Asanti, which is like a hippie Afrikaaner camp ground complete with dreaded guys smoking hash and everyone walking around barefoot. Lots of tow headed children running around between what appears to be several different mothers. It’s like I’ve entered a grunge-like Arian love commune complete with nirvana being blasted in the common room. I taught the gang spades and while we waited for veggie lasagna to be prepared in a clay oven, we drank ciders and laughed our assess off. Tomorrow we go canoeing, kloofing and abseiling.

Tuesday, December 30:

We got up this morning, had a great breakfast, Dylan headed off for a whole day’s adventure and myself and the girls played cards until it was time to go abseiling. Kris introduced us to ‘shithead’ which is not my favorite card game ever! Jannis drove us to the adventure site and we headed into the canyon. It was breathtaking. Hanging off the side of this rocky cliff, hundreds of feet above a tidal pool. Abseiling is similar to repelling. We actually scaled down the cliff wall into the water. After a few times, some of us decided to swim and get in some kloofing - which is basically cliff diving. Mine was more like cliff cannon balling but at least now I can say I’ve ‘kloofed’.
We had decided to make pizza for dinner so we met up with Dylan afterwards to hit the store. Some drama went down over money then no one wante to make pizza anymore. There has been a lot of, well drama is the best word, going on with the 3 of them since I came into the picture I think it’s understandable when different personalities spend a lot of time together - especially when you are travelling. It hasn’t affected my vacation in any way, so I’m not really concerned.
The remainder of the night we played cards in a hash smoke infested pool room where I do believe I had somewhat of a contact buzz. It’s fun being the one not doing drugs in a crow of those partaking. It’s funny.

Wednesday, December 31:

Dylan and I spent 4 hours driving back to Cape Town through some of the most beautiful countryside I’ve ever seen. We got to Piet’s early and since he had lunch plans, we went to the beach for lunch. Piet drove us into town around 3 and I began the mad search for a place to rest my head. I only had to go to 2 places before I found something. I wish I had looked further. I was in a dorm room on the first floor directly next to the bar that was setting up the loud speakers for a party. Sleep? What is sleep? Lol.
Once I checked in and showered, I met up with the rest of the 27ers to figure out dinner. After deciding on the waterfront, we headed out. I had gotten an sms from a friend about a big street party in Green Point that I was considering attending, but at R400, I changed my mind.
We put our names in at an Italian place and hung outside with bottles of champaign in bags. We’re so classy, us PCVs. I really love these guys but am so aware of age when I hang with them.
We were finally seated inside when I got an sms from Justin telling me the party was only R250. I figured it was worth that much to hangout with a beer and be a little gay. I left my friends and headed to that part of town. The whole way there I questioned what I was doing leaving friends to hang with strangers on the final new years of my 30s. I walked past the various bars, noticing the cover charges and ended up with a cider at Manhattens. It seems to be the only one where you will find black African men. I sat alone, watching the crowd, realizing I was yet again, alone and melancholy knocked on the door. I just thought about my life and where I am and so on and started smiling. A really, big, shit-eating grin! I love my life and am very happy. It became clear that the only thing really missing was someone to share it with. This of course led me to think about Mark. And this led to me wanting to kiss a cute black boy to remind me of him. It didn’t happen. I was sitting on the curb, with a beer, alone when my phone told me it was 2009. It’s okay though. It really is.
I hung out pathetically there until around 1:30 then headed back to Long St. where I met up with the others and newbies that had arrived this week. We caught up, hung out til around 3:30 then all went home. As I lay in bed trying to sleep, my body shaking from the thump of the speakers, I wished everyone I knew a Happy New Year and drifted off.

Thursday, January 1 - Friday, January 2 (6 am):

New Years day was spent chilling and meandering. I went to breakfast at Rcafe for a ricotta stuffed omelet sandwich with chives on herb bread…delicious! I then hit an internet café for a bit before meeting up with the PCVs. The remainder of the day included lunch, Extreme Home Makeover and Chinese take-away.
I am sitting here this morning not being as introspective as I would have imagined. I know 40 is a milestone but right now it just feels like any other day. Age never has been an issue for me and I certainly don’t feel like I think I should. I guess the only thing I am contemplative about is why I’m alone at 40. I don’t think I’m lonely per se but I do want to share my life with someone and I wonder why it hasn’t happened yet. Well, I know why - my insecurities, my inability to commit - but I think I mean more about that ‘connection’ to someone that comes with full acceptance. That ‘match’ that I’ve felt on different levels in the past but why hasn’t’ it ‘stuck’? Am I too controlling? Not compromising? Too caught up in my own stuff? Too picky? Too judgmental? Yes, it’s probably call those things. Actually, even as I write all this, I realize I’m not all that concerned about it afterall. I won’t be 100% ready for a relationship until I heal and love myself enough to where I don’t ‘need’ one to fill any type of void. I feel closer to that place every day.

Friday, January 2 (the big 40!):

I don’t think I could have asked fro a better birthday. I intended to start with breakfast at Lola’s but they were not open so I had some yoghurt and muesli instead. Then, Nick, Milan and I went to the Turkish baths. Between the steam, sauna, and pool, I felt my pores open, release their toxins, and walked out refreshed and almost high. Nick and I decided to hunt for massages, but after no luck, had a lunch of greasy calamari and fish. We then perused the cxraft market for a bit before I split with them to head to the waterfront with Milan and Katie. There we boarded the ferry to Robbin Island to visit the prison where Mendella was incarcerated for 18 years. I thought it would be more emotional but between the ‘speed’ of the tour and the fact that I had never read his book, it was anti -climactic. The tour itself left you no time to just wander and absorb the history.
Once back at the Cape, we headed to the sushi place to meet up with the others. I proceeded to have the most delicious, extravagant meal I’ve had since I left the states. The fish was exquisite and I didn’t even flinch when my bill came to R300.
We grabbed Haagen Daaz afterwards and then walked to Green Point. The girls had never been to a gay bar so were full of questions and comments. Milan got cruised a lot and Nick even got a phone number but the birthday boy left that evening empty handed and without even a celebratory kiss, lol. We walked back to Long St. where I headed to bed.

Saturday, January 3:

I lost my camera today. The camera itself is not all that important but it’s loss is. First, every photo I’ve taken on my Cape Town holiday is gone. Second, I now have no means to take photos at my site. I’m upset but I’m not upset. It’s a strange thing. I truly am sad for those two reasons but then not as sad as I would have expected myself to be. I’m still trying to figure this one out.
I lost the camera hiking Table mountain. It was an amazing hike and the views were spectacular. I went up with Justin and Tom, 2 white South Africans. They semed like really nice guys. But then when they were taking me back to the hostel, we got stuck in some traffic caused by a carnival that was taking place It was some type of colored celebration. As people tried to cross the streets in front of us, the racist comments and name called began. I sat in uncomfortable silence. I wanted to say something but then was reminded of something Milan had said to me a few days earlier. ‘We don’t know their personal history’. True, I don’t. It still felt weird but then it occurred to me. I’ve been stuck in downtown Cincy during the Jazz festival before and though I never yelled obscenities at people, negative thoughts did fill my head. They were as blatant as this, but they were still comments directed at a specific group of people due to my own impatience. Are we all a little racist on some level due to our upbringing and society in general? It made me think of Mark and I. When people would discover he was black, there would sometimes be comments - not negative, just acknowledgment of him being black. I used to always say that ‘I don’t see color, I just see Mark’. I read an article in a local rag where a few days ago discussing that very thing. A black person was upset when someone said that. She commented, ‘Why wouldn’t you see my color?’. We are, as Americans, sometime so sanitized to be politically correct. To not see race. But to choose not to see it means we are not acknowledging our differences and in the process, eliminating what makes each of us special. It’s as though we are trying to homogenize the entire human race into a new category - but isn’t NOT labeling and judging people for their differences the main goal? I really understand the phrase celebrate diversity now. In order to fully accept another person you have to acknowledge their uniqueness.
Even with myself, I’ve always said that I’m neither ashamed nor proud of my sexuality - it’s just a part of who I am. But…it IS a part of who I am and not wanting people to necessarily know it outright tells me I may still have some shame in it. I’ve always liked the ft hat s people can’t ‘tell’ from looking at me. I’ve even felt lucky because of it. But that’s shame and embarrassment, isn’t it? If I truly, deep down, was 100% okay with who I was, it really wouldn’t matter if they could tell or not. I love realizations like this but then sometimes, when you think you’ve worked so hard on yourself, you dig a layer deeper and find more shit. The road to fully loving oneself is very long. I just hope I have the patience for it.

Sunday, January 4 - Tuesday, January 6:

Sunday was a chilled out day. It had to be - my legs were on fire! For whatever reason I can’t remember the rest of the day. Mark has been on my brain lately. I’m not sure if I mentioned this or not but I sent him an email a few days back - spilling my heart. I basically told him that I was in love with him still and wanted to try a long distance relationship. What was I expecting his response to be? It took him a few days to get back to me and I was a little sad - though understanding - of his unwillingness. He asked me how I knew I loved him. He then created a list of his reasons why he loved me. I sat there starring at them. They were all about him actually. I wanted to write back an tell him I know I loved him cause I felt it, but I thought I’d come up with a list as well. My list was ALL about him. I found that interesting. It then made me wonder - do our lists mesh?
I’m having my doubts that they do. I fear that Mark is in his head when it comes to me. His reasons were all things he did - he respected me, he worked hard to improve our relationship, he tried to make me happy every day - none of those are really about me. These email exchanges have shed some interesting light on our relationship.
Monday I had breakfast at Rcafe then went to the movies to see ‘Australia’. I then was picked up by Lwazi, a black South African, who was letting me cras at his place. This was very educational. His father is the major of Durban and he’s met Oprah. He’s had a very different experience than most blacks here. His house (that he only uses 2 months out of the year) is spectacular. I talked his ear off about race relations, especially within the gay community. Fascinating.
I heard again from Mark with a more intimate list of reasons why he loved me. I have no doubt that he has and does. I just wonder if there’s a chance for us to start anew at some point in the future.
Today, Lwazi drove me back to the Cape, I checked into Abantu for the night, met up with Nick, Heather and Natalie and hung for the day. I went and got my nose pierced before going for my tattoo. I love my new ink though I do wish I would have gotten the ‘ohm’ symbol in red. We went to dinner at a fantastic Ethiopian restaurant then grabbed a drink at Marvel. Overall, a perfect last night in the Cape.

Wednesday, January 7:

We got up early, packed up, grabbed breakfast, hiked to the train station, missed our train, found a minibus and got dropped off along the highway to begin our journey home. We were trying for about 90 minutes with nothing. We then decided Nick and I should stay hidden and just let the girls hike. Within minutes we had our first ride going 80k out of town. On the way there I sent a thank you sms to Piet and low and behold, he was 5 minutes from us on his way to vacation.
He offered 2 of us a ride 300k and though I was set to take it, the others were nervous about hiking alone in SA. I thanked Piet and apologized and sent him on his way. Within minutes a sheep truck stopped and Heather, not liking to turn down rides if people stop, accepted a 35k ride with Nick and I IN the back WITH the sheep. He was shat on several times during that. One for the books I supposed. Our next hike took us 20 minutes to get and 30k further. I kept thinking that if this was how we were creeping back to Windhoek, it would take a week.
At the next place, we grabbed food at a petrol station, then back to the road. After a bit, 4 PCVs who had rented a car stopped by and had room for both of Nick’s marimbas. Moments after, we were picked up by 2 young Afrikaaners going all the way to Windhoek - BUT…over the course of several days. They would take us to about 200k south of Keets. Good enough.
Last night, after spending almost 2 hours getting through customs at the border, we camped along the river. I slept outside, without a tent to the sound of the nearby water. It was wonderful.

Thursday, January 8 - Friday, January 9:

We got up and packed the truck and headed out. We had planned on getting out at the petrol station and hiking from there. Jacob said he could drop us outside Keets but he was going to drive through the canyons a bit to show Carla and did we want to tag along. Sure!
The desert was amazing, hot and beautiful. AT one point we found ourselves at a lodge where we snuck in and swam for a bit. Jacob then showed us on the map where his grandfather’s game ranch was and said that we were welcome to stay the night and go to Sossusvlei the next day with them. It took me a split second to say yes while the others pondered.
We drove to the ranch which seemed to be located at the edge of the world. Once there, we jumped in a water tank/pool to cool off. The place was deserted. It was opulent - leather couches, satellite TV, beds with pillows, lol. I had been thinking on the drive out there that who in their right mind would want to live in the desert…even more isolated than I had felt in Mpungu? But that evening, with the sunset and the cool breeze - I understood what the draw was. We made sandwiches, had some wine and then I slept on the ground again. It was too nice not to.
We got up, packed and headed to Sossusvlei. On the way we stopped at a lodge for breakfast. And what did we do after breakfast you might ask? We went in a pen with 3 full grown cheetahs and petted them. OMG! When does shit like this happen? It goes down as one of the most amazing experiences of my life. They were purring so loudly, licking our hands and nibbling our fingers. Damn. (I’m sure they were thinking - tastes like chicken!), lol
We then drove to the dunes - the oldest desert on the planet to be exact. It’s called the world’s largest sandbox. Again…beautiful and amazing. We climbed one of the smaller dunes which was difficult enough. The sand was burning hot and the angle very steep. We went from there to a lodge for a drunk and though we wanted to sneak into their pool - we did not. We began our journey back towards Moltehore. The 3 of them decided, at 7 pm, to go to the petrol station and try to hike to Mariental. I had had enough for one day, so here I was, alone at the backpackers. The only guest, sitting at a table, watching the sun set, listening to my Ipod and journaling. I’m actually tearing up because I am so happy…so at peace. This ends one of the most amazing vacations I’ve ever taken. I’m ready to go home to my village and complete my final year with the Peace Corps. PC is the greatest thing I’ve ever chosen to do with my life on so many levels. I hope I can take this calmness and contentedness back to the states with me.

Saturday, January 10:

Got up early, showered, paid my bill and headed into ‘town’. As I looked around, I began to fear that my chances of getting out were going to be slim. The previous night I had had an interesting conversation with David - the French guy who owns the place - and his mother. It’s funny to me how I’ve been afraid most of my life to engage people on a daily basis. I’ve realized that when you don’t, you miss out on SO much.
Within an hour I got a lift to Mariental. I thought I was going to have to pay ut it was free. Could I really make it to and from Cape Town with NO money? Hells yeah I could! I grabbed some breakfast at Wimpy’s. My new year’s resolution to eat healthier is very difficult to keep when hitchhiking through Africa, lol. I snagged a ride to Windhoek in about 20 minutes and arrived few hours later.
I got dropped off in front of Chameleon just as Thea was walking out and though they were full, she had an extra bed and invited me to sleep in her room. We ran by the PC office, then grabbed lunch at the craft market with some other PCVs. Then it was back to Chameleon for a swim and some chillin’. Later, some of us went for pizza while others went to Joe’s beer house. Afterwards, Catherine and I came back for a movie and everyone else went to a wine bar. I was happy to be in bed before 10.

Sunday, January 11 - Tuesday, January 13:

Sunday was spent meeting up with the other PCVs at the office and waiting around for transport to Graeter’s. Once there, we swam, caught up, had dinner, and began the huge movie swap. Over the next two days we sat through many sessions that bored us and drove us a little crazy. Again, the most important thing was collecting new movies, lol. It’s been great seeing everyone and sharing our successes and non-success (I’m learning no to call them failures). I feel like I am in such a different place than I was a year ago. No anxiousness. Very little fear. I am more pumped to return to site and knock-em dead with my energy. This next year is going to ROCK!

Wednesday, January 14 - Thursday, January 15:

The last couple of days in Windhoek have been okay. I did some work for VSN, hung out with the others that have to stay behind an used the internet. I have to stay an extra week to have a crown replaced. I remember when I first arrived in Namibia that I thought I would travel to the big city more often because I would need to - emotionally, that is. But I am really ready to get back to the village. I miss it. Besides, when you are out of money and there are no good movies playing at the theater, what else can you do here? Lol

Friday, January 16:

More Windhoek today. It dawned on me that I could have hiked to Swakopmund for 5 more days of the beach before my appt. on Monday. That was really silly of me.

Saturday, January 17 -Tuesday, January 21:

So…more days in Windhoek - biding my time between the internet, TV and the mall. Sounds like I’m back in the states, eh? Had my dentist appt. and I am ready to go.
I took a ride up one of the big hills overlooking Windhoek with a friend the other night. It was quiet and the lights were beautiful. It made me miss home - my new home, Mpungu.
I’ve been seeing a lot of the inauguration stuff on TV and that’s been amazing. I hope I make it to Rundu on Tuesday in time to see his speech. I do find it interesting that so many Africans are thinking that Obama is going to come to their rescue. He has enough on his plate with our country to handle first. We need to strengthen the US before we can reach out to other nations again. This wonderful man has so much on his shoulders. He will be in my thoughts daily.
Got to the hike point early and got a ride to Otavi within 15 minutes. A sweet elderly guy. Once there, I waited about an hour for a ride to Groot - the black hole. There, I waited about 90 minutes and got a ride in a semi. They are always comfortable and reliable but take longer because they cannot go faster than 80k an hour.
I mae it to Rundu at 6:30, got a taxi to Rachel’s principals house with time to spare before the swearing in. It was nice to see it with other Americans. The only problem was that his Afrikaaner wife kept interjecting her thoughts and opinions. She and I butted heads about 9/11. She kept saying I’ve been brainwashed - I just wanted to smack her. She’s not even American, so I felt she didn’t have a right to argue, lol.
I’ve talked to Mr. Kuwema about transport but I have to stay another day in Rundu. I’ll be home by Thursday…Thank God.

Thursday, January 22 - Wednesday, January 28:

I finally arrived back at site today. I took all day to figure out transport and I wound up unloading a shit load of stuff into my flat at 8:30pm. My house was intact with a few new cobwebs here and there. I was exhausted but went and chatted with my neighbors a bit before heading to bed.
Friday was spent unpacking everything - donated stuff as well as my 10 Christmas packages! I am so blessed! I scored as well as my OVCs. I discovered that someone had cut our hose for the garden. It’s weird. They didn’t just steal the hose. They took a portion of it and now it’s not long enough to reach certain things. Sucks. My personal garden was a mess. Most everything has died and it was full of weeds. Guess my neighbor didn’t really want the R20 a week I had promised her. The big garden was in decent shape. The corn is growing well and so are the tomatoes and butternut squash. Yes, my initial reaction was…why isn’t it over flowing with bounty? Lol. But I’ve learned to appreciate the little things and make them huge!
I spent the weekend just cleaning my flat and organizing with a movie and a video game thrown in from time to time.
Monday I worked from my flat and I honestly can’t remember what I accomplished. Tuesday prepared for my OVCs. They were really excited for me to be back. I brought up the idea of breaking into 2 smaller groups - older and younger - and they jumped on it. This ultimately creates more work for me but it’s easier work. It was getting too difficult to find things to fit all the age ranges. I introduced the point system to them. It’s a way for them to earn points on behavior, grades, attendance, etc. that they can spend on school supplies and fun stuff. They LOVED the idea and LOVE seeing the chart on the wall with their names and the points they are collecting. We watched Charlotte’s Web and took it easy.
Today, I prepared for the first day of the older group. Once again my translator was very late but one of the kids took over and did it. Damien…he’s amazing! They created posters about ‘what I want my life to look like when I’m older’. They cut out pictures from magazines. It was great fun to watch them work. Many of the guys cut out pictures of hot cars and sexy white women, lol. The girls cut out pictures of nice clothes, attractive black men, pictures of families, etc. It’s funny…no matter where in the world you find yourself, those gender differences are apparent at such an early age.